I wasn't holdin' on to words that you never meant
Problems with myself 'cause of the things that I never said
Break-break-breaking down the walls between us
Only to find that the open door was straight ahead
So tell me, what am I breaking my back for?
I should've asked more, probably, could've relaxed more
When I was tripping, could've filled the re-stamp on the passport
Now I'm just guessing that I'm gettin' the payment I asked for
This is exactly what I never came back for

Because I'm not searching for forgiveness
Because I'm not taking back the things I've done
And I'm not making your decisions
Because you're everything I'm not

Can never live in the background
It's getting harder to stop this bleeding back
Never needed to back down
Been underwater and I'm still breathin' in
Next up, my God I've got one thing and I want more reasons
And I've got my heart turned up
Sick of trying to fighting this feeling

Because I'm not searching for forgiveness
Because I'm not taking back the things I've done
And I'm not making your decisions
Because you're everything I'm not

Because you're everything I'm not

As I take in my last breath
And this weight is on my shoulders
I don't need to second guess
Won't let you in
Feel this pain inside my chest
And we're only growing colder
I don't need to second guess
I let you in

I'm not searching for forgiveness
Because I'm not taking back the things I've done
And I'm not making your decisions
Because you're everything I'm not
I'm not searching for forgiveness
Because I'm not taking back the things I've done
And I'm not making your decisions
Because you're everything I'm not

Overall Meaning

In Buck-O-Nine's song "I'm Not Dead," the lyrics describe a feeling of being out of control and not knowing how to handle it. The singer never planned on feeling this way, but they have been drawn to someone who has something they need, but it's dangerous. They feel like they're losing control, and they're not used to feeling this way. It's hard for them to shut off these emotions, and they don't know where they're coming from or what they're capable of. Despite feeling like they're falling apart, they try to hide their feelings and put on a brave face. The singer realizes that they can't win by fighting and they may have to accept what they've become.

Overall, the lyrics describe the fear and confusion that can come from being in a situation that's outside of your control, and the struggle to keep yourself together in the face of it.

Line by Line Meaning

And it's happening
Something unexpected or uncontrollable is currently taking place.

Never planned on this
The current situation was not anticipated or intended.

You've got something I need
The other person possesses something that is desired or required.

Kind of dangerous
The situation or person is risky or potentially harmful.

And I'm losing control
The individual is unable to maintain their usual level of authority or composure.

I'm not used to this
The situation or feelings being experienced are unfamiliar or rare for the person.

What you want from me
The individual is unsure of what is expected or desired from them by the other person.

I can't shut it off
It is not possible for the person to simply stop or end the current circumstances or emotions.

This thing I've begun
The individual has started or initiated something that is now out of their control.

And it's hard to tell
The source or cause of the current situation or emotion is difficult to identify or understand.

Just where it's coming from
It is uncertain where the feelings or events are originating.

And it's hard to see
The individual is unable to clearly perceive or comprehend what is happening.

What I'm capable of
The individual is unsure of their own abilities or potential in the current circumstance.

And it's hard to believe
The events or emotions being experienced seem unbelievable or surreal to the person.

Just what I've become
The individual recognizes that they have changed or developed in some way because of the current situation.

Can we stop?
The person is requesting a pause or change in the current situation or conversation.

Me, I'm not
The individual is not equipped or prepared to handle the current situation or fulfill the other person's expectations.

I can swallow it down
The person can repress or ignore their emotions or reactions to the situation.

Keep it all inside
The individual chooses not to express their thoughts or feelings to the other person.

I define myself
The person's self-concept or identity is based on their ability to conceal their emotions or thoughts.

By how well I hide
The person's self-worth or value is dependent on their ability to keep their emotions and thoughts hidden.

I feel it coming apart
The individual senses that the current situation or their ability to control their emotions is unraveling.

Well, at least I tried
The individual attempted to repress their emotions or control the situation, but it has become too much for them.

I can win this war
The person believes that they can emerge victorious or in control of the current situation.

By knowing not to fight
The person will let go of their attempt to control the situation and instead focus on acceptance or detachment.

If I take it all back
The person wishes that they could undo what has been said or done.

Someway, somehow
The individual is unsure how to change or fix the situation.

If I knew back then
The person wishes that they had the knowledge or experience they have now at an earlier point in time.

What I know right now
The individual has gained some insight or understanding that could have been helpful in the past but is now irrelevant.

Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Downtown Music Publishing, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: Andrew Fulk, Andrew Migliore, Matthew Cullen

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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