Traffic Jam
"Weird Al" Yankovic Lyrics

Carbon monoxide
The poisonous gas, carbon monoxide, is present in the traffic and causing me to choke.

Making me choke
The carbon monoxide is causing me to cough and struggle to breathe.

No A.C.
My car air conditioning system is not working and there's no fresh air circulating.

And the radio's broke
My car radio system is not working either and there's no entertainment or news to listen to.

Cars backed up
There are so many cars on the road that they're not moving and are backed up for miles.

Far as you can see
The line of cars stretches to the horizon and it seems never-ending.

Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity
I've been stuck in this traffic jam for so long that it seems like an endless waiting time.

Oh, and just in case you're wondering
As an aside, in case you happen to be curious,

I'll tell you where I am
I'll let you know of my location.

I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
I'm physically here in this spot and not anywhere else, emphasizing my entrapment and frustration.

Stuck right here in the middle of this...
I'm trapped in this traffic jam and I can't move in any direction.

Traffic jam
The song's central lament is repeated like a chorus.

I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
I've been stuck in the exact same location in my car for hours without any progress.

The freeway's one big parking lot
The freeway, meant to help drivers move quickly, is filled with parked cars because progress has halted.

My radiator's boiling hot
My car's engine is overheating and in danger of breaking down.

Trapped inside
I'm stuck and unable to escape the small confines of my car.

My automobile
Another word for my car.

Cobweb's gowin'
Due to the lack of movement and air flow, spider webs are growing in my car's interior.

On the steerin' wheel
The spider webs have grown on my car's steering wheel, making it difficult to use.

Now, I'm no genius
To be humble, I'm not particularly smart or intelligent.

But one thing I know
However, I'm certain of this one fact.

I shouldn't have had that bag of bran muffins
The bran muffins I ate earlier have caused me stomach issues and I regret eating them now that I'm stuck in this situation.

An hour and a half ago
The time frame indicates how long I've been in the car and how long ago I ate the bran muffins.

Yeah, and if you need to find me
As an aside, if anyone is trying to locate me,

I'll tell you where I am
I will reveal my current location.

Trapped smack dab in the middle of this
I'm caught directly in the middle of this frustrating traffic jam.

Well, I thought we were movin' but I guess we're not
I assumed that the cars were progressing at one point, but it seems that we've stopped completely.

'Cause I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Emphasizing again that I'm stuck in the middle of the traffic and can't move in any direction.

Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam
The song's title phrase is repeated to emphasis the frustration.

Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
The cars are so tightly packed that they're all touching each other in a line.

Yay-hey!
An exclamation of frustration and misery.

There's a yuppie on a cellular phone
Describing one of the drivers on the road, using an outdated slang term for a young, affluent person.

I'm gonna puke if I hear any more
The sounds of someone else's conversation are adding to my feeling of nausea.

There's a motorcycle zoomin' by me
Another driver is speeding past me which is agitating when I have been stuck here for so long.

Watch what happens when I open my door
Considering the possible dangerous consequences and wanting to take drastic measures to improve the situation by threatening to exit the car.

Now we're all goin' nowhere fast
Emphasizing the frustration and lack of progress - moving fast but simply going nowhere.

Well, I guess that's perfectly clear
Concluding that the situation is understandable, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I left home five hours ago
The time frame further emphasizes the enormous length of time I've been in the car.

And I can still see my house from here
The lack of progress is absurd to the point where I haven't even moved far enough to lose sight of my starting point.

So if anybody's tryin' to find me
In case someone is attempting to locate me,

Right here (right here) right here (right here)
I'm still stuck in the same location, unwillingly.

Now my back teeth are floatin' and my nerves are shot
I urgently need to use the restroom and my anxiety levels are through the roof.

Traffic jam... traffic jam... traffic jam... woo!
Repeating the song's title with a new, sarcastic tone of voice to end it on a comedic note.