If I Was
[unknown] Lyrics

It was a last minute invitation
I received an invitation at the last minute

I did not have a thing to wear
I didn't have an appropriate outfit to wear

I ran into the store
I quickly went to the store

I said I need something black
I asked for something black in color

Something formal
It needed to be appropriate for a formal occasion

Other than that I don't care
I didn't have any other specific requirements

I made it to the theatre as the lights dimmed
I arrived at the theater just as the show was starting

The first act was brilliantly fun
I enjoyed the first part of the show

When I caught my reflction during intermission
When I saw my reflection during the show break

I thought What have I done
I was regretting my outfit decision

What was I thinking
I expressed regret for my past decision

What was I blind
I was wondering why I didn't see the problem earlier

When I bought this outfit I must have been out of my mind
I must have been crazy to buy this outfit

What was I thinking
I was continuing to express regret for my decision

Look at this dress
I was specifically talking about the dress I was wearing

I'm taking up drinking
I'm considering drinking as a coping mechanism

My life is a mess
I feel like my life is a disaster

My good friend said
A trusted friend of mine shared their opinion with me

I know you're gonna love him
They believed I would really like the guy they spoke of

I've known him for a long long time
They had known him for a significant amount of time

And if I were not happily married myself
If they weren't happily married themselves

In a heartbeat I would try to make him mine
They would pursue the guy if they weren't married

So I figured, I'll take my chances
I decided to take a risk

I mean really what harm could it do
I didn't think there would be any harm in trying

Makes you wonder 'bout your good friends and their motivations
It makes you question your friends and their intentions

When something like this happens to you
When you find yourself in this kind of situation

What was she thinking
I was wondering what my friend was thinking

Who is this guy
I was questioning the guy's character

Maybe I will choke on this porkchop
I jokingly considered harming myself

And conveniently die
In order to avoid the situation

Quick sharpen this knife
I was continuing to joke about harming myself

I'm thinking of drinking
I was again considering drinking

And I'm thinking of eding my lfe
I was considering ending my life

Ache tu livre
A nonsensical phrase uttered in the midst of other random ones

Aah what a dinner
Commenting on how good dinner was

Henery Bonjour
Another nonsensical interjection

Kae lacksiman
As above, does not mean anything

Oh it was late
It was getting late

I had insomnia
I was having difficulty sleeping

The TV stair stepper started to look good
I was contemplating buying an exercise machine advertised on TV

I thought to myself shuld I buy it
I was considering whether to purchase it

Then I heard Bruce Jennings voice say "yes you should"
Voice in my head urges me to buy it

And thats that master
Acknowledging that the decision is made

And that bald headed man spray
Another TV product I ended up buying

And that victoria jackson makeup kit
Yet another product purchased

Now I can barely get around my apartment
I have too many products cluttering my space

Its so full of this stupid stuff
I regret buying all these unnecessary things

This song has no end
Repeating the same phrase over and over again

Okay that's the end
The song has come to a conclusion