A Fine Romance
Луи Армстронг & Ella Fitzgerald Lyrics

A fine romance, with no kisses
We have a relationship that looks great from the outside, but we never have any physical intimacy.

A fine romance, my friend this is
This is a relationship that looks good but is deeply unsatisfying.

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
We should be passionate and intense with each other, but instead we're cold and indifferent.

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
You are unresponsive and disinterested in me.

A fine romance, you won't nestle
You won't get close to me, physically or emotionally.

A fine romance, you won't wrestle
You won't engage with me or the relationship in any meaningful way.

I might as well play bridge
I might as well do something boring and uneventful with my time.

With my old maid aunt
With someone who is just as uneventful and unexciting as you.

I haven't got a chance
There's no hope for this relationship to improve.

We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
We should fit together perfectly and complement each other, but we don't.

But we just fizz like parts of seidlitz powder
We have no chemistry, and our relationship is fizzling out like a chemical reaction.

Yes, a fine romance, with no glitches
Our relationship looks good from the outside, with no obvious problems or flaws.

A fine romance, with no beaches
We have no excitement or adventure in our relationship.

Just as hard to land as the Isle de France
Getting you to engage with me or the relationship is just as difficult as trying to land on an elusive island.

A fine romance, my good fellow
I'm chiding you, my friend, that this relationship is not what it should be.

You take romance, I'll take jello
You're not interested in romance, and I'm not interested in the blandness of jello.

You're calmer than the seals
You're unemotional and unresponsive to me, like the calm seals in the Arctic Ocean.

In the arctic ocean
In a place that is cold and barren, just like our relationship.

At least they flap their fins
At least the seals express themselves in some way, but you don't.

To express emotion
To show some kind of feeling or passion.

A fine romance with no quarrels
We don't argue or engage with each other, which is not healthy for our relationship.

With no insults and all morals
We're polite to each other, but there's no passion or energy in our relationship.

I've never mussed the crease
I've never caused any disruption or excitement in your life, or in our relationship.

In your blue serge pants
In your mundane, everyday life.

I never get the chance
I never have the opportunity to make things more exciting or passionate between us.

A fine romance, my dear judges
I'm sarcastically addressing others as judges, implying that this relationship will not pass muster.

Two old fogies who need crutches
We're old and out of touch, and our relationship is just as outdated and impractical as crutches.

True love should have the thrills
True love should be passionate, exciting, and fulfilling.

That a healthy crime has
That's like the wild thrill of committing a crime - especially compared to the dullness of our relationship.

Oh we don't have the thrills
We don't have the passion or thrill that a true romance should have.

That the march of time has
The excitement of new experiences and adventures that come with the passage of time is missing from our relationship.

A fine romance, my good woman
I'm addressing you sarcastically, since our relationship is anything but fine.

My strong aged in the wood, woman
You're like a strong, aged whiskey, but that doesn't make up for the lack of excitement in our relationship.

You never give the orchids I sent a glance
You don't appreciate the small gestures of romance or affection that I try to show you.

No you like cactus plants
You're more interested in things that are prickly and difficult, like cactus plants, than in things that are easy or pleasant.

Fine romance, my very good woman
I'm repeating myself sarcastically, since you don't seem to understand how humorless and dull our relationship is.

You never give the orchids I sent a glance
You don't appreciate the small gestures of romance or affection that I try to show you.

No I prefer cactus plants
You're more interested in things that are prickly and difficult, like cactus plants, than in things that are easy or pleasant.

This is a fine romance
Our relationship is anything but fine, and we're both pretending to be happy or satisfied with it.