Don't Say
Aburden Lyrics

There is something that I can't explain
There is a feeling or situation that I am unable to fully comprehend or articulate.

And I'm sorry for all of the pain that I have caused
I regret the hurt and distress that my actions have inflicted on you.

I shouldn't have been the one you had to hate
I realize now that I was responsible for creating a situation that caused you to feel animosity towards me.

But it was my selfish self that tore us apart
My selfishness was the root cause of our separation.

I was always told that I would be okay
I have been reassured multiple times that I would be able to cope with difficulties and bounce back from any adversity.

And honestly I feel like this constantly
But deep down, I consistently feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with my struggles.

And this is my apology and probably too late I guess that's fate
I acknowledge that this apology may not be enough to overcome the damage that has been done, but I am still offering it in the hopes of making amends.

Don't say that I'm okay
Please do not make assumptions about my mental and emotional state, as you may not be fully aware of the true extent of my struggles.

You know nothing about me at all
There is still much about myself that I have not shared with you, and I request that you do not make assumptions without fully understanding my experiences.

(I'm fucking not okay)
I'm really struggling and need support, but may not know how to ask for it.

Depression can ruin my whole day
My depression can significantly impact my ability to function, and can make even basic tasks feel insurmountable.

All I need is release from the pain
I am seeking relief from the emotional pain and turmoil that I am experiencing.

The constant unhappy disposition
Feeling sad, low or unmotivated is a persistent and pervasive aspect of my daily experience.

Will no longer be my everyday position
I am working towards and hopeful for a time when I won't feel so weighed down by negativity and sadness on a daily basis.

The amenity of all the pain that we contain
The pain that we have experienced can feel inescapable and unrelenting.

That made us go insane that pushed us away
Our shared experiences of pain and struggle have placed significant strain on our relationship and contributed to its deterioration.

But I need you to know
Despite everything that has happened, there are still things that I want and need you to be aware of and understand.

That my biggest fear was never losing you
My greatest fear was never losing you physically, but rather losing your love and connection emotionally.

It was loving you so much
My love for you was so all-encompassing and intense, that it felt like it threatened my ability to take care of myself.

That I would lose myself
I was afraid that I would become so consumed by my love for you, that I would forget my own needs and struggle to maintain my own identity.

But it's hard to face the fact
Confronting the reality of our situation is challenging and emotionally difficult for me.

That I lacked everything you wanted to have
I realize that there were certain things that I was unable to provide or achieve that were important to you in our relationship.

That I love every colour that you have
Despite our difficulties, I still cherish and value all of the unique aspects and qualities that make you who you are.

But there is something that I can't understand
There are elements of our relationship and our struggles that I still don't fully comprehend or make sense of.

Why you just settled for acceptance
I am puzzled by why you were willing to accept things as they were, when I felt like change was necessary and important for our relationship to move forward.

When love was waiting right in front of you
I felt like there was a deeper, stronger love between us that was waiting to be discovered and cultivated, but that we were unable to access or embrace it.

But you said we were both the same
You seemed to believe that our similarities and shared experiences of pain made us ideal for each other, but I wasn't convinced that this was enough to sustain a long-term relationship.

So you should know that depression can ruin my whole day
It's important for you to understand that my struggles with depression are a significant factor in my life, and can impact even the smallest moments and interactions.

So don't say that I'm okay and that everything will be fine
It can be frustrating and hurtful when others dismiss or downplay the seriousness of my struggles, and I need you to acknowledge and support me in a more meaningful way.

Because I was always told that I would be okay and honestly darling I feel like this constantly
Despite assurances and reassurances that I would be okay, my struggles with depression and emotional pain feel like a constant burden that I am unable to escape.

And I'm so sorry that I lacked everything you wanted to have
I feel remorse for not being able to provide everything that you wanted or needed in our relationship, and I understand the hurt and disappointment that this may have caused.

But my darling I need you to know that I'm so sorry
Despite everything that has happened, I still deeply care for you and am seeking forgiveness and reconciliation in our relationship.