Their debut album, Dirty Gold, was released on December 30th, 2013. The album was released almost 3 months earlier than its original release date after Haze leaked the album in its entirety on their SoundCloud page on December 18, following a dispute with their label. The album spawned two singles, 'Echelon (It's My Way)' and 'Battle Cry
On September 14th 2015, Haze released their mixtape Back To The Woods to critical acclaim. The album was supported by three singles: “Impossible”, “Babe Ruthless” and “Moonrise Kingdom”.
Since then they released several singles, the latest “Brooklyn” was released on January 19th 2018. Their sophomore album has been submitted to their label and the album is expected for release in October.
Cleaning Out My Closet
Angel Haze Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Or a lot actually
Parental discretion is advised
Yo look look
When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with the sky
And then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
So I'mma take you fuckers back and through the vortex of time
When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the basement and after the lights had been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock through my gut
See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times
And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin'
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do
And they ate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two
And then it happened in a home where every fucking one knew
And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you
But even you, by then wouldn't know what to do
And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
And I'm more scared every time, word to my speed and ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
He told me, hey Ray, I see you like them Popsicle sticks
So put your mouth on my dick and fucking swallow the spit
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
I had no idea the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt
Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts
I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these niggas
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth through they liver
Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart
Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men
But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
I didn't wanna be attractive to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know
My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown
I'm fucking great, can't fucking hate, you nigga look at me now
Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
The makings of a legend are often hidden in trials
So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the end
Yeah
There's a story behind every single scar that I show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
"Cleaning Out My Closet" by Angel Haze is a deeply personal and emotional song about the artist's experiences of sexual abuse as a child. Haze begins by reminiscing about more innocent childhood dreams of flying and speaking with God, then gradually reveals the traumatic events that shattered those dreams. At the age of seven, Haze was repeatedly raped by an older boy, and despite feeling tortured and disgusted by the abuse, Haze felt powerless to tell anyone or stop it from happening. Instead, Haze learned to compartmentalize the trauma and tried to cope with the pain by starving themselves and developing an eating disorder. Haze also struggled with their sexuality and eventually identified as a lesbian to distance themselves from the trauma of male abuse.
Haze's lyrics are raw and vivid, detailing the brutality and confusion of child sexual abuse. Haze describes the physical pain and emotional numbness, as well as the self-loathing and confusion that comes with feeling like one's body betrayed them. Towards the end of the song, Haze highlights the importance of confronting one's past in order to heal from it. They describe the process of cutting off dead emotions and reclaiming their own identity, even if it means acknowledging the painful memories that they had tried to bury. Ultimately, the song is a powerful example of turning pain into strength by speaking the truth and taking control of one's own narrative.
Line by Line Meaning
When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
At the age of ten, I had a lot of confidence and believed that anything was possible.
I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with the sky
I was so convinced that I could fly that I flapped my arms trying to take off.
And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with God, and then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
I used to have conversations with God in my mind but eventually became angry and violent towards Him.
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid, and he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
At the age of seven, I was raped by an adult male and it was not the first time such a thing had happened to me.
And I'm more scared every time, word to my speed and ventricular
As time passed, the rapes became more terrifying to me and I was constantly living in fear.
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear, imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
The physical and emotional abuse I experienced as a child caused intense fear and anxiety, and it was traumatizing to see physical evidence of the sexual abuse.
Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men, but that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
Even as I got older and the physical abuse stopped, the emotional and psychological damage stayed with me and caused me to act out in harmful ways.
Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was, I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
Due to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, I became afraid of men and began to explore relationships with women instead.
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was, so I'd create the other people I would try to become
Because of the trauma I experienced, I struggled with my identity and tried to make myself into someone else.
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth, but there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
I tried to sabotage myself and my own growth, but every scar and every experience has a reason and a lesson to be learned.
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore, I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
Through therapy and self-work, I have come to a place of healing and no longer feel insane or out of control.
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth, to understand that to grow you've got to look at your root
In order to heal and grow, I had to confront and accept the truth of my experiences and their impact on me.
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet, I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
This song is my way of sharing my story and healing process with others, and I had to confront my past head-on in order to move forward.
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Jeffrey Irwin Bass, Marshall B Mathers
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind