At a young age, Alexakis' father walked out on the family, leaving Alexakis, his mother, his brother, and his three sisters to fend for themselves. Not long after, financial difficulties forced Alexakis' mother to relocate the family to the Mar Vista Gardens housing projects in California, located in Los Angeles near Culver City (Mar Vista Gardens is near, but not in, the Mar Vista neighborhood).
There, Alexakis came in direct contact with the area's criminal and drug culture. Alexakis' brother George died of a heroin overdose when Alexakis was twelve. A lyric in the song "Heroin Girl" refers to his mother overhearing a police officer describing his brother's death as "just another overdose." About a year later, Alexakis' girlfriend OD'd. Not long after her death, Alexakis attempted suicide by getting stoned, filling his pockets with sand, and jumping off the Santa Monica Pier. He claims the voice of his brother George compelled him to survive.
Regardless, Alexakis' drug addiction continued. Over the next eight years, he was shuffled around between various family members all over the country. He spent a brief period in Houston, Texas, living with his father, and a period in Roseburg, Oregon, living with his sister, a born-again Christian, and her husband. Eventually, he returned to LA to live with his mother. He attended journalism school for a time, and worked as a music reviewer for The Evening Outlook, a small newspaper in Santa Monica. Eventually, a near-fatal cocaine overdose pushed him to quit drugs cold turkey.
After cleaning himself up, Alexakis briefly attended UCLA film school. While living in Los Angeles, he organized a band called Shakin' Brave. Shakin' Brave featured a rather rough rock sound, but never really rose above the sea of music in Southern California. Generally frustrated with the music scene in LA, Alexakis and his first wife Anita relocated to San Francisco.
While living in San Francisco, Alexakis stumbled upon a genre of music known as "cow-punk". The sound meshed together the two prevalent forms of music with which he grew up - Country and straight-ahead Rock-n-Roll. Inspired, Alexakis established Shindig Records. Much of this period is explicitly detailed in the album, Deep in the Heart of the Beast in the Sun, which was originally intended as a solo album, but gradually developed into a group project under the name Colorfinger.
In 1992, within a single month, Shindig went bankrupt, Colorfinger disbanded, and Alexakis' girlfriend Jenny became pregnant. Seeking a change of scenery, Alexakis moved to Portland, Oregon. There, he married his girlfriend and had a daughter. Though less directly biographical, Everclear's second album, Sparkle and Fade, deals deeply with the themes of escape and redemption that pervaded his life upon leaving San Francisco.
The instability and personal turmoil Alexakis went through left him with a wide breadth of subject matter for his songs. "Father of Mine" and "Why I Don't Believe in God" described his difficult youth. "Heroin Girl" and "Color Pit" touched upon his drug addictions. [1]
In 2000, Alexakis testified before Congress in support of HR 1488, the Compassion for Children and Child Support Enforcement Act. He has also taped PSA's for the Office of National Drug Control Policy.
Alexakis has also been politically active. He was a delegate for the 2004 Democratic National Convention representing Portland's 3rd congressional district after campaigning for John Edwards during the 2004 Democratic Presidential primaries. He and the new Everclear recorded the Woody Guthrie standard This Land Is Your Land, which Alexakis performed at several political events.
On January 4, 2005, Alexakis filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in United States Bankruptcy Court, Central District of California. According to the filing, Alexakis owes a federal tax bill for the years 1999, 2001 and 2002 of $2.75 million, as well as nearly $230,000 to the Oregon Department of Revenue and more than $120,000 in credit card debt spread over several accounts.
On Saturday, May 6, 2006, Alexakis appeared on an episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide on Nickelodeon, cameoing playing the Everclear song "Rock Star" and playing the music teacher.
The Hot Water Test
Art Alexakis Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I will slowly fall apart until there's nothing left
That looks like me
I smiled at people as I walked to my car
To call my wife
I told her everything the doctor′s had said
Then we both began to cry
"Life can be ugly or beautiful and new."
"It's up to me, and it's up to you."
She said, "Heaven isn′t hard to see."
"It looks like life with a family."
"In this house that we call home, I will never leave you."
I take my shots and I walk the walk
In every kind of way
I look for a balance in the things
That get harder every day
I′m afraid I will never be the man that I used to be
I'm afraid I will never be the man that I want the world to see
When it looks at me
I know, easy can be hard to do
Life can be ugly or beautiful and new
It′s up to me to do what I have to do
I know, heaven isn't hard to see
It looks like life with my family and me
In this house that we call home
I will never leave you alone
I will never leave you
I will never leave you alone
I will never leave you
I will never leave you alone
I wanna go in my own time
I wanna find a brand new loud
I wanna feel safe until they put me in the water
And the truth comes out
Oh, happy can be hard to find
The puzzle makes sense when the pieces fall in line
I′m teaching myself a new way to live my life
I know, easy can be hard to do
Life can be ugly or beautiful and new
It's up to me to do what I have to do
I know, heaven isn′t hard to see
It looks like life with my family
In this house that we call home
I will never leave you alone
I will never leave you
I will never leave you alone
I will never leave you
I will never leave you alone
In Art Alexakis's song The Hot Water Test, the singer receives a heartbreaking diagnosis from his doctor, informing him that he has a disease and will slowly deteriorate until there is nothing left of him. He drives to his car and confides in his wife, and they both break down into tears. In the face of this terrifying reality, his wife shares that the choice between a happy and a miserable life is up to them, and though it won't be easy, they will navigate through it together as a family. It's a song about finding beauty and joy in life even in the most difficult, challenging moments.
The chorus is particularly poignant, with the repeated refrain of "I will never leave you alone." It's a promise of unwavering love despite any obstacles that come their way. The singer grapples with his own fears and doubts, whether he will ever be the same man he used to be, whether he will be able to live up to the person he wants to be seen as. In this sense, the song is a poignant testament to the human condition, to our vulnerability and fragility. Life can be tough and painful, but we all have a choice to make it beautiful despite its challenges.
Line by Line Meaning
My doctor′s told me that I had a disease
I have been informed by my physician that I have an illness that will gradually cause my body to deteriorate until there is nothing resembling me left.
I will slowly fall apart until there's nothing left
The disease will slowly but surely lead to a complete breakdown of my body until there is nothing left of me.
That looks like me
It will leave no trace of who I used to be.
I smiled at people as I walked to my car
Despite the emotional turmoil that I am experiencing as a result of this revelation, I managed to maintain a semblance of normalcy as I left the doctor's office, smiling at acquaintances as I walked to my car.
To call my wife
My first instinct was to reach out to my spouse for comfort.
I told her everything the doctor′s had said
I informed my wife of my condition and its prognosis in great detail.
Then we both began to cry
The devastating news prompted an outpouring of emotions, with both of us breaking down in tears.
She said, "Easy can be hard to do."
My wife offered words of encouragement by acknowledging that the road ahead may not be easy despite its apparent simplicity.
"Life can be ugly or beautiful and new."
She pointed out the fact that life can present both positive and negative experiences, and that there is always the opportunity for renewal and a fresh outlook.
"It's up to me, and it's up to you."
She emphasized that we are both responsible for our own choices and actions, and that we must navigate this difficult time together.
"She said, "Heaven isn′t hard to see."
She expressed the belief that a happy afterlife is within our grasp if we focus on cultivating a fulfilling existence during our time on earth.
"It looks like life with a family."
She posited that the ideal interpretation of heaven is one that centers around family and the joys associated with sharing life together.
"In this house that we call home, I will never leave you."
My wife reassured me of her unwavering devotion and commitment to staying by my side throughout this ordeal.
I take my shots and I walk the walk
I am doing everything possible to manage my condition and maintain a sense of normalcy as I navigate my life.
In every kind of way
I am making efforts in all aspects of my life to cope with my illness.
I look for a balance in the things
I am trying to find equilibrium between the various factors in my life - my health, my relationships, my work, etc.
That get harder every day
Each new day brings new challenges that require a greater degree of patience and strength.
I'm afraid I will never be the man that I used to be
I am grappling with the fear that my condition will rob me of the essence of who I am and change me irrevocably.
I'm afraid I will never be the man that I want the world to see
I worry that my illness will prevent me from being able to share my true self with the world.
When it looks at me
I am concerned about how others will perceive me with this new reality.
I wanna go in my own time
I desire the freedom to handle this situation on my own terms and timeline.
I wanna find a brand new loud
I am searching for a new way of living that is vibrant and filled with passion despite my diagnosis.
I wanna feel safe until they put me in the water
I am trying to establish a sense of security in the meantime, before death leads me into the unknown.
And the truth comes out
I am aware that eventually the reality of my situation will come into sharp focus.
Oh, happy can be hard to find
I acknowledge that finding joy under such circumstances is challenging.
The puzzle makes sense when the pieces fall in line
Despite the complexity of the situation, if I am patient and keep a clear head, the pieces will eventually come together and make sense.
I′m teaching myself a new way to live my life
I am endeavoring to learn and establish new habits and routines that allow me to thrive in the face of my illness.
I will never leave you
I will stay by your side.
I will never leave you alone
You will never be alone; we will face this together.
Writer(s): Art Alexakis
Contributed by Alexander C. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
Darlene Feigen
I am so proud and honored to have been a part of this project. It turned out amazing.
Simon Inwards
Hey great tune...I am 64 and was diagnosed with MS in 2006! Unlike Art, I am just an amateur home musician, but my diagnosis inspired me to want to create a ‘CD’ of music. I built a little home studio and have written and recorded 12 songs; unlike Art I can’t sing so mine are mostly instrumentals. Music a fantastic way to express how you feel...and tell a story
Nyssa
I'm 34 and have had MS since 2014. The 'so much for the afterglow' album was one of my favourites growing up. It's nice to have you on the team we never wanted to be on but one in which we can still find beauty. ;) And for creating a song that I can relate to so much - thank you. <3
Renata Shuklaper
Me too 36 diagnosed 2 yr’s ago and the is song touched a nerve very profound and hauntingly beautiful
Ron Ames
:)such a profound, prolific n touching song ... I believe Art Alexakis is a true poet Laurate of our times. His words n insight continue to touch so many n bring healing through his music. My prayers go to him n all whom suffer now. Stay safe during these most tryin' times n keep the Faith, Much Thanx Art !
krustydiablo38
Thanks Art. I was diagnosed with RRMS at the start of 2020. This was astounding to listen to. Truly. Thank you.
Renata Shuklaper
Me too!
Raven Quinn
Man. This is is so powerful, Art. Been a fan for a long time...and I’m so glad you wrote this song. I’m a breast cancer survivor (and a musician) and it’s amazing how the hardest experiences inform our music, and in turn, help others feel less alone. It’s the magic in music...being able to take our pain and fear and spin it into something beautiful. Thank you for always doing that so masterfully. :)
Ron Ames
:)such a heartfelt song from a very prolific songwriter n performer of or times.
Jason Covey
Our new MS anthem! Great song Art!