Panic Attacks in Paradise
Ashnikko Lyrics

Typical of me to go and ruin the party
I tend to be the one to ruin the fun and excitement for everyone else.

Everybody says they love me but I'm still broken hearted
Despite being loved by others, my heart is still hurting.

They call me Polly Pessimism, I'm a macabre Barbie (I love you)
People label me as negative and morbid, even though I try to maintain a positive image.

My boyfriend wants to love me but I won't let him
Although my boyfriend wants to love me, my past traumas have made it difficult for me to allow vulnerability and intimacy.

I've been predisposed to trauma since I was eleven
I have had a tendency to be affected by traumatic experiences since I was eleven years old.

So I wrote a couple albums to let out some aggression
Music has been a therapeutic outlet for me to express my emotions and release pent-up frustrations.

I hate that I'm so self-deprecating
It bothers me that I tend to criticize and belittle myself often.

More comfortable in bad situations
I tend to feel more at ease in negative or uncomfortable situations.

Sucker for a little devastation
I am drawn to situations or people that may cause emotional pain or damage.

And this always happens
This negative cycle of behavior and thought patterns seem to repeat itself regularly.

Panic attacks in paradise
Even in a seemingly perfect and enjoyable environment, I can still experience sudden rushes of anxiety and worry.

Piña coladas, I'm terrified
Even while enjoying a sweet and fruity drink, I can feel overwhelmed with fear and trepidation.

I swear I'm not crying, the sun's just bright
Others may mistake my anxiety for tears, but it is often just a physical reaction to the bright sunlight.

I'm having the best time of my life
Despite the panic and anxiety, I can still acknowledge that I am enjoying myself in the moment.

Hyperventilating under candy skies
Even in a sweet, idyllic setting, I can still feel the physical and emotional symptoms of a panic attack.

Telling myself that this is fine
I try to convince myself that everything is okay, even when it may not be.

It's a big joke, ha ha, I love laughin'
I use humor to cope and distract from my inner struggles and fears.

It's a big hoax, you're self-help happy
Others who claim to have all the answers to happiness and self-improvement may be misleading themselves and others.

'Cause I'm okay, I'm pure propane
I may seem stable and okay on the surface, but internally, I am like a volatile fuel that can ignite at any moment.

On an open flame (watch me blow up)
If pushed too far or triggered by certain things, I can react explosively and unpredictably.