Where Have You Been
Beanie Sigel/Jay-Z Lyrics

Damn how I'ma say this shit?
I'm struggling with how to express what I need to say

Hey, hey dad, yeah, it's your boy Remember me? I wanna talk to you scrap
I am addressing my absent father and letting him know that I want to have a conversation with him

I remember being kicked out the house 'Cause I looked just like you
I was kicked out of the house because I resembled my absent father

Said I'd be nothing but a crook Just like you
You said that I would be a criminal like you

The niggas in the hood was shook Where the just like you 'Cause all they said was little whitey look I'm just like you
The people in my neighborhood were afraid of me because they saw me as another criminal like my father

But dog I can't see it at all, shit We never kicked it at all We never pitched or kicked at a ball Dog, you never taught me shit How to fight, ride a bike, fix the flat None of that sorts of shit
I don't see how I'm just like you because we never had a relationship and you never taught me anything

Nigga you was an abusive pop Fuck you left me out to dry, stuck Gotta teach news to box Gotta teach news to bop
You were an abusive father and you left me stranded. As a result, I had to learn how to fight and defend myself

And that ain't the half of it man I gotta teach news to block
That's not even the whole story; I also had to learn how to survive in the streets

It's about time we have a father to son (nigga sit down) Sit down let me tell you 'bout your fatherless sons How they grew to be men and father they sons Father they daughters Nigga, you left a fatherless daughter
It's about time we have a conversation like father and son. Let me tell you about the impact of fathers leaving their children. My sister grew up without a father and had to become a mother herself

I never follow your orders Nigga you make me sick Pussy you could, ooh
I never listened to you or respected you. You're a coward

How you gonna leave these memories in the back of my mind I can see it clear as day you smackin' my mom I 'member that day you showed me that gat, that 9 Put it in my palm when I was young And said that would be mine, you turned me out
How could you leave me with these traumatic memories of you hitting my mother and showing me a gun at a young age? You pushed me towards a life of crime and violence

The reason why I hit the block Reason why I tried to hit them cops Reason why I started hittin' shots Reason why I started gettin' licked And drinkin' syrup and skippin' court Ginger bread man never think of gettin' caught Look at your hands man damn you fought
I turned to selling drugs and getting involved in illegal activities because of your absence and bad influence. I even started using drugs and skipping court appearances. You're to blame for my criminal behavior

Nigga you left my mom Left us with no good-bye's You left us out to dry You left us with no letters, notes (nothing), no replies No digits numbers was unlisted You left me with some of my loneliest nights Nigga some of my hungriest nights
You abandoned our family without saying goodbye and didn't leave any way to contact you. You left us struggling and alone, causing me to experience my loneliest and hungriest moments

Shit, one of the reasons for years (shit embarrasin') Damn we used to think money was white
One of the reasons we struggled for years was because we had a misguided understanding that money would solve all our problems

Yeah you gave us life like, fruit from a plant We ain't eat right from them foods from them stamps
You may have given us life, but you didn't provide for us properly. We had to rely on government assistance and couldn't eat well

And to think you was my pop Man I gotta stop, shit
It's hard to believe you're my father. It's overwhelming

Daddy, where have you been? And when you come home, you got us here all alone Mommy, where daddy went? You always stick up for him, always said you'd make up for him Mommy, what happened then? What was you cheatin' on him? Why he's always beatin' on you? Daddy, where have you been? Nigga, you gon' hear me out
I want to know where you've been and why you abandoned your family. Mom, why did you always make excuses for him and stay with him when he hurt you? I have a lot to say to you

I wanted to walk just like you (remember?) Wanted to talk just like you (word) Often momma said I look too much and I thought just like you Wanted to drink Miller nips and smoke Newports just like you But you left me, now I'm goin' to court just like you
I wanted to be just like you, but now I'm facing legal troubles like you. You left me with no guidance but a desire to emulate your lifestyle

I would say, "My daddy loves me and he'll never go away" Bullshit, do you even remember December's my birthday?
I used to believe that you loved me and wouldn't leave, but you didn't even remember my birthday

Do you even remember the tender boy You turned into a cold young man With one goal and one plan Get mommy out of some jam, she was always in one Always short with the income Always late with the rent
Do you even remember the innocent child you turned into a hardened young man who only cared about getting Mom out of trouble? She was always struggling financially and couldn't make ends meet

You said that you was comin' through I would stay in the hallway (waitin') Always playin' the bench (waitin') And that day came and went Fuck you very much, you showed me the worst kind of pain
You made promises that you would come see me, but you never showed up. You caused me a great deal of pain and disappointment

But I'm stronger and trust me I will never hurt again Will never ask mommy, "Why daddy don't love me? Why is we so poor?, Why is life so ugly? Mommy why is your eyes puffy?" Please don't cry everything'll be alright I know it's dark now, but we gon' see the light It's us against the world We don't need him, right? (Right) Mommy drivin' 6's now (yeah), I got riches now (yeah) I bought I nice home for both of my sisters now We doin' real good We don't miss you now See how life twists around, fucker?
Despite the pain you caused me, I'm strong and won't let it hurt me anymore. I won't ask Mom why you don't love me or why we're poor anymore. We don't need you because Mom and I are doing well on our own. I bought my sisters a nice home and we're all doing real good. We don't need you now. Life has twisted around in our favor despite your absence