Funeral
Bridgers Phoebe Lyrics
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For a kid a year older than me
And I've been talkin' to his dad, it makes me so sad
When I think too much about it, I can't breathe
And I have this dream where I'm screamin' underwater
While my friends are wavin' from the shore
And I don't need you to tell me what that means
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
I have a friend I call
When I've bored myself to tears
And we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves
But then we laugh until it disappears
And last night I blacked out in my car
And I woke up in my childhood bed
Wishin' I was someone else, feelin' sorry for myself
When I remembered someone's kid is dead
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
And it's 4 AM again
And I'm doin' nothing
Again
In "Funeral," Phoebe Bridgers sings about the heavy feeling of mourning, loss, and feeling stuck in a rut. The song revolves around the idea of how death and grief can take a significant toll on a person's mental health, leaving them in a constant state of feeling hopeless and down.
The first verse of the song sheds a light on the feelings of helplessness and despair that Bridgers experiences while preparing to sing at a funeral of a young boy. She talks about how talking to the boy's father makes her feel emotionally overwhelmed, to the point where she can't even breathe. The next verse takes a darker turn as she talks about her recurring dream of screaming underwater while her friends are watching from the shore. This can be interpreted as Bridgers feeling like she is drowning in her feelings of despair while the people around her can't understand her pain.
The second half of the song talks about how Bridgers copes with her depression by calling up a friend when she is bored or feeling low. They laugh together until their sorrows disappear. However, the last verse highlights the sense of emptiness she feels even after experiencing these momentary joys. She recalls a time where she blacked out in her car and woke up in her childhood bed, feeling sorry for herself. But it quickly dawns on her that someone's kid is dead, and she realizes that her problems might not be as significant as she once thought.
Line by Line Meaning
I'm singing at a funeral tomorrow
I have to perform at a funeral the next day
For a kid a year older than me
The person who passed away is just one year older than me
And I've been talking to his dad, it makes me so sad
Talking to the grieving father is heartbreaking
When I think too much about it I can't breathe
The thought of the loss is suffocating
And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater
I have a recurring nightmare where I am drowning but no one can hear me
While my friends are all waving from the shore
My friends on the surface have no idea what I'm going through
And I don't need you to tell me what that means
I don't want anyone's interpretation of my dream
I don't believe in that stuff anymore
I don't believe in dream analysis or superstitions anymore
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
I feel extremely sad all the time
And that's just how I feel
This is just the way I am
Always have and I always will
I've been this way my entire life and I always will be
I have a friend I call
When I need to talk, I call my friend
When I've bored myself to tears
When I'm so bored I'm weeping
And we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves
Our talks can get so dark that we joke about wanting to die
But then we laugh until it disappears
We try to make each other laugh until the sadness goes away
And last night I blacked out in my car
I drank so much I passed out in my car
And I woke up in my childhood bed
When I awoke, I was in the bed I grew up in
Wishing I was someone else, feeling sorry for myself
I'm feeling sorry for myself and wishing I was someone else entirely
When I remembered someone's kid is dead
It hit me that someone else is going through the unimaginable pain of losing their child
And it's 4 A.M., again
It's the middle of the night again
And I'm doing nothing
I'm not doing anything productive or helpful for myself or others
Again
This is a familiar pattern for me
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Phoebe Lucille Bridgers
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
@idontunderstand7665
This song gives me a lot of comfort, but it makes me so sad.
When I was in 7th grade, there was this boy I wanted to be friends with. He would let me borrow his watercolors in art class, was my dance partner in well dance class, and copy his homework.
He started to miss school really often at the beginning of the year until he stopped showing up one day. A week later, we received the news about his head tumor.
Everyone in school hoped he would get better, including me.
My friend group that he was part of too wanted to go visit him, I wanted to go too, but they told me I couldn't because I knew him for less time.
In the end, they got told he wasn't receiving visits from people outside his family, so they didn't get to see him.
But I did; I was in the hallway and saw him; he was wearing an oversized jacket and a gray beanie. He looked taller, puff up his complexion was really pale, and he had the darkest eyebags.
We talked for a short period, and I ask him when he was coming back to school. I hate how I didn't realize how insensitive that was at the time, how cruel; He said, "I don't know." Gave me a USB in the shape of a dinosaur with a project for our literature class and left. That was the last time I saw him.
My classmates stopped talking about him; no one mentioned him again, not even the teachers, and we went into 8th grade like he was never there. October came in, and I got the news of his parting. It was a Facebook post telling us the reception date and directions; I cried, screamed, and sobbed all day.
Going to the funeral was the most challenging part; We were supposed to wear all white, so I had to wear a graphic shirt that no longer fit me and my mom's white jeans. I didn't have any white clothes at that time.
When I got to the funeral parlor, 3 of my classmates caught my eye, a girl in particular in that group. She was wearing a white shirt, a blue mini skirt, and beige high heels. But their behavior was even more infuriating, taking pictures, drinking coffee; It was really gross. They treated the funeral for a 13-year-old, cancer patience like some sort of hangout.
But I was more disgusted at my own thoughts; I was jealous of him and angry at God for taking the straight-A student who wanted to be a doctor.
Instead of me, someone who didn't have any dreams for the future and still doesn't. And I think that was the day I stopped believing in god all together.
I felt so guilty for having those thoughts, especially after hearing more about him from his grandparents.
How he would do all the school projects regardless of his illness and would say, "I'm in 8th grade!" even though he was no longer in school.
How he was in so much pain every day that he would commit SH because he no longer wanted to suffer.
It's been 10 years since, and I still think about him; And even though I know my schoolmates probably do too, it doesn't feel like it. I feel so guilty because I feel I'm wasting my life while he can no longer live his.
But I like to think he's the one helping me when my path becomes rocky because every time I tried to unalive myself, I think of him and go on a walk and calm myself.
I can't find a picture of him. It almost feels like he completely disappeared; I wish I could at least remember his face.
This song describes the experience of losing someone who died being young while also being young and having an overwhelming desire to no longer stay alive.
The horrible feeling to see all your friends move towards the future but being stuck in the past yourself.
It gives me a lot of comfort knowing I'm not alone, that there are people with a similar experience as me.
I'm sorry you're also going through this too; I hope we can all heal together.
@fadhlibaihaqi2435
I'm singing at a funeral tomorrow
For a kid a year older than me
And I've been talking to his dad, it makes me so sad
When I think too much about it I can't breathe
And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater
While my friends are all waving from the shore
And I don't need you to tell me what that means
I don't believe in that stuff anymore
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
I have a friend I call
When I've bored myself to tears
And we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves
But then we laugh until it disappears
And last night I blacked out in my car
And I woke up in my childhood bed
Wishing I was someone else, feeling sorry for myself
When I remembered someone's kid is dead
Jesus Christ, I'm so blue all the time
And that's just how I feel
Always have and I always will
I always have and always will
And it's 4 A.M., again
And I'm doing nothing
Again
@uncomfortablehuman
"i dont believe in that stuff anymore" hits so incredibly hard. The loss of belief in anything just shakes me. it also implies a loss of innocence that is so haunting.
@will6176
There’s a lot of stuff I don’t believe anymore, I feel the sort of mature wistful maturity that comes with that that Pheobe is communicating here ..
@rushishah1995
Your comment has shaken me immensely.you are an angel.
@cuticlemuncher
I relate to this song toooo much sadly
@rtoadietodd
There is a side to this song that only some of us have experienced
@lisazihrul588
I agree,the loss of belief is hard to imagine....but when one has been thru so many heart wrenching losses it's really hard to hold on.I still want to believe but sometimes....
@krd2331
This is one of the most heart-shattering songs ever written.
@nameforcomments4092
I also recommend listening to the Virtute the cat songs by John K. Samson / The Weakerthans. They're about a guy with depression and alcoholism reflecting on how he failed to take adequate care of a cat, a description that in no way does those songs justice. I should also mention three of the four songs are written from the cat's perspective.
If anyone has any recommendations for me, pile 'em on!
@GOOM
NameForComments holy shit i was just listening to Virtute at Rest
@nameforcomments4092
@@GOOM Oh man. Feel like I should send a virtual hug or something. Not a hugger, but I see you've got a similar taste in good, depressing music. If anyone has any recommendations, bring them on.