First Love
CRYSTAL BROTHERS Feat. U-KEY Lyrics

If I fell short of your expectations for me
I apologize for not meeting your expectations

Just know that I do not hold any of it against you
I don't blame you for being disappointed

If I fell short of your expectations for me
Once again, I'm sorry for falling short

Just know that I did not expect any better of you
I didn't expect you to hold me to a higher standard

And don't call me daddy
I'm not your replacement father figure

I'm no replacement for your father
I can't replace your biological father

If he touched you the way I have
If your father also violated your boundaries like I have

That's sickening, I'm sorry for you
That's disgusting and I'm sorry you had to go through that

But I refuse to fill the hole
I won't try to fill the emotional void left by your father's abuse

Slip your hand into his waistband
If you need to use someone else to cope with your trauma

If it aids in your escape
If that helps you escape your pain temporarily

But I'm hoping you can teach me
However, I hope you can teach me how to support you better

How to keep such a clean conscience
How to maintain moral integrity

When betraying love
While still acting against our romantic feelings

In keeping the company of deviance
By associating with the darker aspects of ourselves

If I'm anything less than a beast of a man
If I don't live up to your ideal of a macho male

In your future conversations
If you talk about me with others

I'll start doubting your commitment
I'll wonder if you're truly invested in our relationship

To not owning your part
To not taking responsibility for your contribution to our dynamic

I'm playing my own the best I can
I'm doing my best to navigate this relationship on my own

Juggling my heart from the ends of my fingertips
Struggling to balance my emotional vulnerability

To the lump in my throat
With the emotional turmoil I'm feeling

A game of charades to place the blame
We're playing a game of pretending to put the responsibility on each other

Can we commit to calling this performance art?
Can we agree to put on a facade to make our relationship work?

I gladly accept the role of villain
I'm willing to be the 'bad guy' if it means fixing our relationship

Because I am sure of my heart
I know what I truly feel in my heart

And the darkness from this
And the negativity arising from our issues

Will not enshroud my faith in myself
Won't completely cloud my belief in myself

I am more
I am stronger

Than you anticipated
Than what you thought of me

You are less
You are not as perfect or flawless as I imagined

Than I expected
Than what I hoped for from our relationship

Together in this mess
We're in this complicated situation together

We find our resolve
We'll figure out how to overcome this