Pretend
Caspr Lyrics

I've got a sickness in my blood, I think I'm fucked
The singer has an intense internal struggle that he fears he can't overcome and is resigned to the fact that he is helpless.

Every night when I can't wake up
The singer struggles to sleep and rest because of his troubles.

And every night that we're in love, it's not enough
Even though the singer is in a loving relationship or situation, it's never enough to fully alleviate the pain he is feeling.

All of the memories I've crushed
The singer is haunted by memories, but feels powerless to change anything about them.

Syringe my hand
The mention of a syringe may imply drug use or self-injection, adding to the notion that the singer is looking for an escape or release from his pain.

I really care (i really care)
The singer is pleading with someone, emphasizing how much he cares and hopes that the other person reciprocates those feelings.

Don't break my heart 'cause it just turns back into sand
The singer has been hurt before, and knows that if he lets his heart be vulnerable again, it will only lead to more pain and heartbreak.

And it's something, it's something, makes me breathe
The singer has something that keeps him going, even when things seem impossible.

And it's something, it's something, makes me scream
The same thing that makes the singer breathe can also make him scream with pain and frustration.

Go on, go on, until it ends
The singer is resolved to keep going until the pain or situation finally resolves itself.

It hurts, it burns, I'll play pretend
Even though the pain is real, the singer will pretend that everything is okay to avoid showing weakness or vulnerability.

I found your number in the phone book (I don't know)
The singer finds a connection to someone, but he doesn't know how to navigate it or if it's even worth pursuing.

All the mistakes and I was so shook, baby
The singer is anxious and scared about making the same mistakes he's made in the past, which can be overwhelming.

I really hate it, so I won't look (won't look)
The singer actively avoids facing a situation or temptation that is harmful to him.

Does my addiction really drive you crazy?
The singer acknowledges that he might be causing problems for others as well as himself because of his addiction or compulsive behavior.

I keep her waiting for me (keep her waiting)
The singer is aware that he is making others wait for him, but he can't help but put his own needs first.

When the picture burns and we cut the trees
This could have a lot of interpretations, but to me it implies a destructive or unhealthy relationship - burning a picture could symbolize destroying a memory or moment, and cutting down trees could symbolize ending a future or possibility.

And I don't have to wait to be lonely
The singer won't wait to be alone or abandoned, because he assumes that it's inevitable and will happen eventually.

Said that you hate me / You're driving me crazy, oh
The singer is caught up in a love-hate relationship or situation that is overwhelming and causing him distress.

Babe, will you trust me? / Just know I got you running 'round in circles just to say that you love me
The singer pleads with someone to trust him, but acknowledges that he isn't trustworthy and has potentially manipulated others for his own needs or validation.

And the drugs make me fantasize / Would you save yourself? / Would you save my life?
The singer is using drugs to escape reality and indulge in a fantasy, and he wonders if someone would be willing to save him from himself.

Yeah, and I just play pretend / I just think that I'm dead / But I'll just play pretend / Do you ever play pretend?
The singer is stuck in a cycle of pretending to be okay and ignoring his pain, but he wonders if others do the same thing and if it's really worth it.

Over again, I'll just play pretend
The singer will continue to pretend even though it's not really helping him heal or escape his problems.

(I kinda like that a lot)
This is more of an aside, but it could suggest that the singer is trying to find some enjoyment or solace in the act of pretending, even though it's not really helping him in the long run. It could also be a sarcastic or bitter comment about the whole situation.