Confession
Cee-Jay Lyrics

I can’t shake the feeling that all of you just see my faults
I constantly feel like everyone only sees my flaws and shortcomings.

How am I still slipping down when there’s nowhere left to fall
I feel like I continue to decline even though I've hit rock bottom.

I’m so fucking tired of crying in the mirror
I'm exhausted from endlessly shedding tears while looking at myself in the mirror.

I’m so fucking done with wishing we were nearer
I'm completely fed up with longing for our connection to be closer.

They tell us we’re confused but we’ve never been clearer
Others claim we're confused, but in reality, we've never been more certain.

They watched it all unfold but missed the bigger picture
Although they witnessed everything happen, they failed to understand the overall context.

Acting like we had a say in the matter
Pretending as if we had any control over the situation.

But it was always coursing through our veins
However, it was always a part of us, flowing through our very being.

And we’re just dying to breathe
We're craving the freedom to truly live and express ourselves.

But they would rather watch us suffocate
Yet, they prefer to witness us suffocate and struggle.

Though it might seem like I’m just barely guessing for 20 years this shit has had me stressing
Even though it may seem like I'm unsure, I've been deeply troubled by this situation for two decades.

You never knew cause I was good at hiding
You never realized because I was skilled at concealing my true feelings.

Used to keep me up, but I’m too tired to fight it
It used to keep me awake at night, but now I'm too exhausted to continue resisting it.

No going down...
I refuse to deteriorate any further.

I dropped out of school when I was only 21
I made the decision to quit school at the young age of 21.

I wouldn’t recommend that move but I had finally had enough
Although it may not be advisable, I reached my breaking point and couldn't take it anymore.

I was sick and tired of living like my life was done
I was exhausted from feeling like my life had already come to an end.

So scared of checking out that I could never own a gun
I was so afraid of taking my own life that I couldn't even consider owning a gun.

I’m so fucking done with living everyday in pain
I'm absolutely done with enduring pain every single day.

Cause since I woke up with that aching I have never been the same
Ever since I woke up with this intense ache, I haven't been the same person.

There were way too many nights I tried to numb it all away.
I've had countless nights where I attempted to mask and escape from the pain.

But I’d just wake up in the morning, surprised to find that nothing changed
Yet, I would wake up in the morning only to realize that nothing had improved.

So I started chasing views singing in my kitchen
Therefore, I began pursuing attention by singing in my kitchen.

Taught myself how to produce so that you all could listen
I taught myself music production so that all of you could hear my songs.

From the days of middle school I was always dreaming bigger
Since my middle school days, I've always had grand dreams and ambitions.

It just took a little while for me to pull the trigger
It only took me some time to finally take action and pursue my dreams.

It’s been many years since you first felt the passion
It has been numerous years since you initially felt that intense passion.

But she always needs you reaching for perfection
However, the passion continually demands you to strive for perfection.

She’s always pointing me in 12 directions
The passion is always directing me towards multiple paths and opportunities.

Always got me jumping to the right connections
It consistently pushes me to make the right connections and network accordingly.

Tried our hardest to fit into their roles
We exerted maximum effort to conform to their expectations and prescribed roles.

Made our beds there but never felt like home
We settled there, but it never truly felt like home to us.

Cause we had a different drive
Because we possessed a distinct motivation and passion.

And it was always coursing through our veins and were just trying to breathe
And that passion was always flowing within us as we were striving to survive.

But they would rather watch us suffocate
However, they would rather witness us struggle and suffocate.

In 20 years I never felt a blessing so I put my bible back up on the dresser
I've never experienced a true blessing in two decades, so I abandoned my religious practices.

All your thoughts and prayers seem like an empty lesson
All the thoughts and prayers offered to me feel hollow and devoid of meaning.

While your preaching peace holding that Smith in Wesson
You advocate for peace while simultaneously holding a weapon.

I know it might seem like I’m just barely guessing
I understand that it may appear like I'm uncertain and unsure.

But for 20 years this shit has had me stressing
However, this whole situation has caused me immense stress for two decades.

I don’t imagine that I’ll go to heaven
I don't believe that I will enter heaven after my life ends.

You won’t find me in church but this is my confession
I won't be found in church, but these lyrics serve as my confession.

No you won’t find me in church but this is my confession
No, you won't find me attending church, but this song serves as my way of confessing and expressing my thoughts.