She is known for her sense of humor, which is expressed in both her music and her onstage performances. Many of her songs alternate between emotional reflections on romance and outright comedy. Two of her more famous songs include "Sensitive New Age Guys" and "Bald Headed Men".
Artificial Means
Christine Lavin Lyrics
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But not in bed
Oh, they tried taking drugs, How-To books, even Dr. Ruth
But for all intents and purposes their love life was dead
'Til one day Janie went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique
She bought a long cylindrical thing
Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not
He says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means
You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine
Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems
'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''
Oh, Johnny went down to the barroom
He bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three
Oh, he moaned to the bartender, the state of his married life
Bartender said, "Hey Bud, just listen to me''
So Johnny went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique
He bought a plastic blow-up doll
Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not
She is angry, she is jealous, she's appalled
She says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means
You've grown emotionally attached to that poly-ethylene
Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems
'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''
Wires
(Wires)
Switches
(Switches)
Batteries
(Batteries)
Plastic
(Plastic)
Tufts of artificial hair
Who'd ever think they could replace the love
(Love)
Humans used to share?
(Humans used to, humans used to)
(Humans used to, humans used to)
Then one fateful day those batteries died
At the same moment that, that big doll sprung a leak
Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie
Oh, they both found it difficult to speak
I wish I could say they threw those contraptions away
And fell in love all over again
But Johnny taped up that hissing woman
When Janie stole the batteries from his Sony Walkman
Because their love is bein kept alive by artificial means
They've grown emotionally attached to those modern sex machines
Their relationship is not as healthy as it seems
'Cause their love is being kept alive, love is being kept alive
Love is being kept alive by artificial means
The song "Artificial Means" by Christine Lavin tells the story of a married couple, Johnny and Janie, who are struggling with their sex life. They try everything from drugs to sex manuals to improve their love life but nothing works. Until one day, Janie goes to a sex shop and buys a long cylindrical object which revives their love life. Johnny and Janie become emotional attached to the sex machine and a similar pattern follows when they both purchase a blow-up doll.
The lyrics in the song explore the concept of how technology, in the form of sex machines or dolls, is replacing human intimacy, resulting in a love that is being kept alive artificially rather than naturally. Johnny and Janie's relationship is complicated and unhealthy due to their reliance on these contraptions for sexual pleasure. This ultimately leads to the breakdown of their relationship when the doll's batteries die, and the machines fail them.
Overall, "Artificial Means" explores the idea of how rapidly advancing technologies are starting to replace human relationships, reducing human interaction and intimacy, which is key to natural human connection.
Line by Line Meaning
Oh, Johnny and Janie, they were the perfect married couple
Johnny and Janie appeared to be the perfect married couple
But not in bed
However, their love life was not successful
Oh, they tried taking drugs, How-To books, even Dr. Ruth
They tried everything to improve their love life
But for all intents and purposes their love life was dead
However, they couldn't find a way to revive their love life
'Til one day Janie went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique
Until Janie found a solution at the Pink Pussycat Boutique
She bought a long cylindrical thing
She bought a sex toy
Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not
Janie is happy, but Johnny is not satisfied
Every night you can hear him sing
Johnny is unhappy with the sex toy
He says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means
Johnny believes their love is being kept alive by sex toys
You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine
Janie has become emotionally attached to the sex toy
Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems
Their relationship is not healthy because it relies on sex toys
'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''
Their love is being kept alive by sex toys
Oh, Johnny went down to the barroom
Johnny went to the bar for a drink
He bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three
He drank heavily
Bartender said, "Hey Bud, just listen to me''
The bartender gave advice to Johnny
He bought a plastic blow-up doll
Johnny bought a blow-up doll
Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not
Johnny is happy, but Janie is upset
She is angry, she is jealous, she's appalled
Janie is upset because Johnny bought a blow-up doll
Wires (wires) switches (switches) batteries (batteries)
Description of the inner workings of sex toys
Plastic (plastic) tufts of artificial hair
Description of the physical characteristics of sex toys
Who'd ever think they could replace the love (love) humans used to share?
A rhetorical question about the potential replacement of love with sex toys
Then one fateful day those batteries died
The blow-up doll's batteries died
At the same moment that, that big doll sprung a leak
The blow-up doll also developed a leak
Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie
They both shared a moment of awkward silence
Oh, they both found it difficult to speak
They couldn't find the words to express their feelings
I wish I could say they threw those contraptions away
The singer wishes they had abandoned the sex toys
And fell in love all over again
The singer wishes they had rediscovered their love for each other
Love is being kept alive
Their love is still alive, but it is not healthy
By artificial means
Their reliance on sex toys
They've grown emotionally attached to those modern sex machines
They have become emotionally attached to sex toys
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, RESERVOIR MEDIA MANAGEMENT INC
Written by: CHRISTINE LAVIN
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind