270 Somethin'
Cledus T. Judd Lyrics

You know a man does have to eat him somethin'
I love eating candies and the super-sized combo meals all day long. I cannot resist the deliciousness of ding dongs.

My cholesterol is off the chart
My cholesterol levels are extremely high and I am at risk of developing heart diseases.

Doctor says that my poor heart won't last too long
My doctor has warned me that my heart is weak and may not be able to withstand the damage I am inflicting on it through unhealthy eating.

My nickname in school was double wide / Cause my momma fried
I was nicknamed double wide in school because my mother cooked everything with lots of oil and fried it, resulting in my excessive weight gain.

Now I weigh 270 somethin' / Always huffin and puffin / Lay around the house all day / No wonder I can't lose no weight
My unhealthy eating habits have led to me weighing more than 270 pounds, suffering from breathlessness, and being unable to lose weight. I spend all day at home doing nothing, which also contributes to my poor health.

See that pizza on the TV / Oh man don't it look cheesy / You know they deliver here for nothin' / That's why I weigh 270 somethin'
I am tempted by the sight of pizza on TV and keep ordering it because the place where I live delivers it for free. This has contributed to my weight gain.

Plastic surgeon said he had a way to get those love handles off / He stapled and sucked stuff out through a tube / I lost a hundred pounds in one afternoon
I went to a plastic surgeon who suggested a weight loss procedure where he stapled and sucked out fat from my body through a tube. I lost a considerable amount of weight in just one afternoon through this surgery.

When I came to in the recovery room / Wouldn't much left of me
After the weight loss surgery, when I regained consciousness in the recovery room, there was very little fat left on my body.

Now I weigh 180 somethin' / Didn't have to do much of nothin' / I'm lookin' like Jean Claude Van Damme
After losing so much weight, I now weigh around 180 pounds and feel like I did not have to make much effort to get there. I am proud of my slender body and feel it resembles Jean Claude Van Damme's physique.

Now everyone who sees me / Can't believe that I'm so skinny / My body fat is nearly nothin' / Ha ha / Now that I weigh 180 somethin'
Everyone is amazed when they see me now because I look so skinny compared to my previous self. My body fat has reduced to an almost negligible level, which makes me happy and laugh with joy.

Now I date a model with a GED / But do you think she'd be with me / I wonder (I wonder) / If I (If I) / Still weighed 270 somethin'
I am now dating a model who only has a general education degree. But I wonder if she would have liked me when I was obese and weighed more than 270 pounds.

Stuffin down blueberry muffins / Onion rings and cans of SPAM / That's how I got so fat
I got fat by continuously stuffing blueberry muffins, onion rings, and cans of SPAM into myself mode, disregarding their unhealthy and fattening effects on my body.

I used to break a sweat just doin' nothin' / Back when I weighed 270 somethin'
I used to actively sweat even when I was doing nothing, due to being obese and weighing more than 270 pounds. My weight made simple physical tasks difficult and led to the constant sweating.