My Recurring Dream
Cold Mailman Lyrics
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I'm up against some kind of wall
To come to terms with the fact that I'm just an animal
You've captured me and confronted me
Put me out of my misery,
Tortured me til' I gladly agree on anything at all.
My heart oh my heart oh my heart is bursting at the seams,
And night after night realizing it's cursed
to live by my recurring dream.
A new dream rudely wakes me and begs me to hold on. Let go.
I'm alive. Here I am, your own prison guard.
The road ahead will be just as hard.
And I am aware that you've already run a marathon.
I bullied you and belittled you.
And out of love I have hitherto
held you under my thumb to discern whose side you're really on.
My heart oh my heart oh my heart is bursting at the seams,
from all of the beauty discarded in search for love supreme.
And night after night realizing it's cursed
to live by my recurring dream.
A new dream rudely wakes me and begs me to hold on. Let go.
I'm alive. Broken and burglarized. But you keep beating as long as you can.
Drunk and de-virginized. You still have faith in a master plan.
Trembling and traumatized. But you keep running as fast as you can.
Vulgar and victimized. But you believe in a promised land.
In “My Recurring Dream” by Cold Mailman, the singer grapples with their own limitations as an animal while simultaneously searching for a love that may never come. The first verse starts off with them feeling trapped and forced to come to terms with their natural instincts. They feel like a captive, being tortured into submission until they agree to anything presented to them. In the chorus, they lament all the beauty they've overlooked in search for a love that seems unattainable.
In the second verse, the singer again acknowledges their mistakes and the fact that they can be difficult to be with. They bullied and belittled their partner, holding them “under [their] thumb to discern whose side [they're] really on”. Despite this, their partner continues to love them and support them regardless of the difficulties they face. The chorus repeats again, indicating that the singer recognizes that they are stuck in a vicious cycle of seeking something that they may never find.
As the song progresses, the singer seems to come to a place of acceptance. They declare themselves as their “own prison guard” and acknowledge that the road ahead will be difficult. However, they recognize that they can't continue to bully and hold their partner under their thumb. In the final refrain, the singer lists several ways they feel broken or victimized, but all the while they believe in a better future.
Overall, “My Recurring Dream” is a song about the struggle of reconciling our innate animal impulses with our human desires for love and companionship. The singer recognizes their flaws and mistakes, but also acknowledges the love and support of their partner. In the end, there is a sense of hope that despite the difficulties in the journey, there is still the possibility of a “promised land”.
Line by Line Meaning
Here it is, it's my final call
This is the end. I've reached a point of no return.
I'm up against some kind of wall
I'm facing an obstacle that seems insurmountable.
To come to terms with the fact that I'm just an animal
I'm struggling to accept the harsh reality that I'm nothing more than a creature driven by instinct.
You've captured me and confronted me
You've caught me and forced me to face my fears.
Put me out of my misery,
End my suffering.
Tortured me til' I gladly agree on anything at all.
You've made me suffer so much that I'm willing to agree to anything just to make it stop.
My heart oh my heart oh my heart is bursting at the seams,
I'm overwhelmed by strong emotions, to the point where it's almost too much to bear.
from all of the beauty discarded in search for love supreme.
I've let go of so many wonderful things in my pursuit of the perfect love.
And night after night realizing it's cursed
I'm constantly haunted by the same dream, which makes me feel stuck.
to live by my recurring dream.
It feels like I'm living in a nightmare that keeps repeating itself.
A new dream rudely wakes me and begs me to hold on. Let go.
I'm presented with a new idea or opportunity, but I'm not sure if I should pursue it or let it go.
I'm alive. Here I am, your own prison guard.
I'm still here, even though I feel trapped and like I'm the one holding myself back.
The road ahead will be just as hard.
I know that the future won't be easy, and I'll continue to face obstacles.
And I am aware that you've already run a marathon.
I know that others have gone through similar struggles, and maybe they can show me the way.
I bullied you and belittled you.
I've mistreated someone close to me, using my own insecurities and fears to hurt them.
And out of love I have hitherto
Despite my negative actions, I still care for this person deeply.
held you under my thumb to discern whose side you're really on.
I've tried to control this person to see if they're loyal to me or someone else.
I'm alive. Broken and burglarized. But you keep beating as long as you can.
I'm still alive, even though I feel like I've been robbed of something. But my heart keeps going, as long as it can.
Drunk and de-virginized. You still have faith in a master plan.
I've made poor choices and lost my innocence, but I still believe that there's a greater purpose out there.
Trembling and traumatized. But you keep running as fast as you can.
I'm scared and hurt, but I'm doing everything I can to move forward and not give up.
Vulgar and victimized. But you believe in a promised land.
I feel like I'm being treated unfairly and disrespected, but I still have hope that there's something better waiting for me.
Contributed by Anna F. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
mgs108tlou
How the hell does this not have more attention? Not only is the song actually amazing but the video is somehow even better. The cinematography is phenomenal.
Lasse Heggen
Funfact: The DOP, Audun Magnæs, makes a cameo at 1:30. The guy on the right side with a camera.
Wise One
Still one of the best music videos I've ever seen.
Cold Mailman
Thank you Wise One!!! Feel free to share it and/or check out our other videos. PS: new music coming soon!
Wise One
@Cold Mailman Great to hear! btw I've shared this since 8 years ago! haha
Ivar Bowitz
@Wise One In that case, thank you so much, you are very wise indeed. And kind.
B9
@Ivar Bowitz u made it?
Ivar Bowitz
@B9 Can’t find the login to the CM account, but yes… 🤷♂️ (the song, not the video)
Sean Finnegan
One of the most creative music videos I've seen in the past decade. Stellar execution, killer track. I love this video.
Kristoffer Unstad
Fantastisk! Sjakkmatt fra Chocron.