Crywank are a three-piece Anti-Folk band from Manchester, England. They are… Read Full Bio ↴Crywank are a three-piece Anti-Folk band from Manchester, England. They are self-managed, unsigned and focus mostly on sad or silly songs.

Crywank started in 2009 with Jay Clayton attempting to do some folk-punk influenced acoustic music with no previous experience playing guitar. The first album "James is going to die soon" was inspired by a painful break up. Jay stated that "I wrote these songs out of frustration and sadness and they ended up making me feel a lot better, I hope they have a similar effect on you".

In 2012 Crywank released their second album 'Narcissist On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown'. Described as "a collection of paranoid songs mostly about me trying to understand my own sadness along with the concept of sadness as a whole. It was fueled by self help books and pot."

In late 2012 Dan Watson joined Crywank on percussion, and in early 2013 they released tour demos for their third album 'Tomorrow Is Nearly Yesterday And Everyday Is Stupid' which was released in October 2013.

In 2016 Jay and Dan began couch surfing to afford to be able to tour as much as possible. Over the next four years they performed over 500 shows in over 30 countries and released four albums.

Crywank announced their breakup following a world tour in 2019, alongside the album ‘fist me til your hand comes out my mouth’’ a huge departure in sound and the first release to include songwriting from Dan and explained the tense relationship between Jay and Dan that had developed over the years on the road.

Their breakup tour was cut short by the COVID-19 pandemic and the North American and European dates had to be rescheduled numerous times. During this time Jay was in a house fire, which led to the release of a solo Crywank album ‘Just Popping In To Say Hi’ that was written and recorded over three days.

Between 2022-2023 Crywank managed to continue their final tour and performed 100 shows in the USA and over 50 shows in the UK and Ireland, often with bass player Jules Noel (AKA Guard Petal). In 2024 it was announced that Crywank will no longer be breaking up and Jules would be joining the band.

The name Crywank comes from reclaiming a cruel nickname given to Jay during a period of depression. Jay has since said that if they knew how popular the band would have become they probably would’ve chosen a different name.

Deep Down I'm Really Kirk Van Houten
Crywank Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

Sad songs won't make up
For the shit that I have done
And sorry means nothing
When I haven't learnt my lessons

Repeat my lines as if I'm a victim
Repeat my lines as if I am kind
I am a thief and a liar

And they mean less to me every time

Paint myself as an angel
I don't deserve your praise

I wear my sadness on my sleeve
When I am happy most days

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Crywank's song Deep Down I'm Really Kirk Van Houten are a poignant and self-reflective confession of wrongdoings and a character assessment. The singer acknowledges that even the saddest songs won't make up for the mistakes they have made, and that apologies don't mean much if they haven't learned from their past actions. The repetition of the phrase "Repeat my lines as if I am kind" emphasizes the singer's self-awareness of their tendency to put on an act, to pretend to be good or a victim, rather than facing the truth about who they are.

The second half of the song reveals the singer's discomfort with the image they present to the world. They perceive themselves as a thief and a liar, undeserving of praise, even when they try to "paint themselves as an angel." The final line "I wear my sadness on my sleeve, when I am happy most days" shows that the singer is aware of their tendency to dwell on negative emotions, to present themselves as melancholy or troubled even when they are generally content.

Line by Line Meaning

Sad songs won't make up
No amount of sad songs can atone for the wrong I have done

For the shit that I have done
For the horrible things I have done

And sorry means nothing
Saying sorry doesn't mean much

When I haven't learnt my lessons
If I haven't learned from my mistakes

Repeat my lines as if I'm a victim
Recite my words as if I am blameless

Repeat my lines as if I am kind
Say my lines as if I am a compassionate person

I am a thief and a liar
I have stolen and lied

And they mean less to me every time
And those actions mean less to me every time I do them

Paint myself as an angel
Portray myself as innocent

I don't deserve your praise
I am not worthy of your admiration

I wear my sadness on my sleeve
I show my sadness openly