For Real
David Wilcox Lyrics


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Death took the husband of a neighbor of mine
On a highway with a drunk at the wheel
She told me, "Keep your clean hands off the laundry he left,
And don't tell me you know how I feel."
She had a tape that he'd sent her from a Holiday Inn
That she never played much in the day.
But when I heard him say, "I love you"
Through the window at night
I just stayed the hell away.

There's a hole in the middle of the prettiest life
So the lawyers and the prophets say
Not your father nor your mother nor your lover's
Gonna ever make it go away.
And now there's too much darkness
In an endless night
To be afraid of the way we feel.
Let's be kind to each other
Not forever, but for real.

My father never put his parachute on
In the Pacific back in World War Two
He said he'd rather go down in familiar flame
Than get lost in the endless blue.
Well, some of that blue got into my eyes
And we never stopped fighting that war
'Til I first understood about endlessness,
Then I loved him like never before.

There's a hole in the middle of the prettiest life
So the lawyers and the prophets say
Not your father nor your mother nor your lover's
Gonna ever make it go away.
And now there's too much darkness
In an endless night
To be ashamed of the way we feel.
Let's be kind to each other
Not forever, but for real.

Lucky my daughter got her mother's nose
And just a little of her father's eyes.
And we got just enough love
That when the longing takes me,
It takes me by surprise.
I remember that longing from my highway days
When I never could give it a name.
And it's lucky I discovered in the nick of time
That the woman and the child weren't to blame

For the hole in the middle of a pretty good life
I only face it 'cause it's here to stay
Not my father nor my mother
Nor my daughter nor my lover nor the highway made it go away
But now's there too much darkness in an endless night
To be afraid of the way I feel
I'll be kind to my loved ones,
Not forever, but for real.

Some say God is lover
Some say it's an endless void
Some say both, some say She's angry
Some say, just annoyed
But if God felt a hammer in the palm of His hand




Then God knows the way we feel
And then love lasts forever, forever and for real

Overall Meaning

The song "For Real" by David Wilcox is a poignant song about life, love, and loss. The first verse describes a neighbor whose husband died due to a drunk driver. She warns the singer not to interfere with her late husband's laundry and not to claim to understand how she feels. The neighbor holds onto a tape that her late husband sent her from a hotel, but she rarely listens to it. The singer hears the voice of the deceased husband saying, "I love you," during the night, but decides to stay away from the neighbor due to the emotional weight of the situation.


The second verse talks about the singer's father, a World War II veteran, who refused to wear a parachute in the Pacific. The father believed it was better to die in the familiarity of a crash than to risk getting lost in the vastness of the ocean. The singer acknowledges the generational trauma that came with fighting in wars and continues to affect them. The song then returns to the chorus, which speaks to the understanding that life is not a fairy tale ending, but rather, there is a "hole in the middle of the prettiest life." Nevertheless, the singer concludes by saying that during the time they have on this Earth, they will be kind to others, namely, their loved ones.


Line by Line Meaning

Death took the husband of a neighbor of mine
My neighbor's husband died in a car accident caused by a drunk driver


On a highway with a drunk at the wheel
The car accident that killed my neighbor's husband happened on a highway and was caused by a drunk driver


She told me, "Keep your clean hands off the laundry he left,
My neighbor asked me not to touch the laundry her husband left behind


And don't tell me you know how I feel."
My neighbor doesn't want to hear me say that I know how she feels because I haven't experienced the same thing


She had a tape that he'd sent her from a Holiday Inn
My neighbor had a tape that her husband had sent her from a Holiday Inn


That she never played much in the day.
She didn't listen to the tape very often during the day


But when I heard him say, "I love you"
I heard her husband say "I love you" on the tape


Through the window at night
I heard the tape playing from her window at night


I just stayed the hell away.
I avoided my neighbor after hearing the tape because I didn't know how to comfort her


There's a hole in the middle of the prettiest life
Even beautiful lives have sadness and loss


So the lawyers and the prophets say
This is a common sentiment among both legal and religious professions


Not your father nor your mother nor your lover's
No one -- not even your closest family or significant other -- is immune from experiencing sadness and pain


Gonna ever make it go away.
No one can make the sadness and pain go away completely


And now there's too much darkness
There is too much sadness and pain


In an endless night
It feels like the sadness and pain will last forever


To be afraid of the way we feel.
We shouldn't be afraid to acknowledge and express our sadness and pain


Let's be kind to each other
We should be compassionate and understanding towards each other


Not forever, but for real.
We don't have to pretend that everything is okay forever, but we should be genuine in our kindness to each other


My father never put his parachute on
My father was in the military and never wore a parachute during a time when doing so would have been beneficial


In the Pacific back in World War Two
This happened during World War Two in the Pacific Ocean


He said he'd rather go down in familiar flame
My father preferred to die in a way that he was comfortable with


Than get lost in the endless blue.
He didn't want to die in a way that would make him feel lost


Well, some of that blue got into my eyes
I inherited my father's fears and anxieties


And we never stopped fighting that war
Our family continued to struggle with those fears and anxieties


'Til I first understood about endlessness,
Eventually, I understood the concept of something feeling endless


Then I loved him like never before.
After understanding his struggle, I felt a deeper love for my father


Lucky my daughter got her mother's nose
My daughter has physical traits from her mother


And just a little of her father's eyes.
She has a small physical resemblance to me as well


And we got just enough love
Our family has just enough love to get us through tough times


That when the longing takes me,
When I'm feeling particularly sad or nostalgic


It takes me by surprise.
Those feelings can come on unexpectedly


I remember that longing from my highway days
I have felt that sadness before, during a time when I was often on the road


When I never could give it a name.
I couldn't define or articulate that feeling at the time


And it's lucky I discovered in the nick of time
I'm fortunate that I eventually learned


That the woman and the child weren't to blame
I realized that my family wasn't the cause of my sadness


For the hole in the middle of a pretty good life
Even my good life doesn't shield me from sadness


I only face it 'cause it's here to stay
I acknowledge the sadness and pain because it's a part of my life now


Not my father nor my mother
My parents can't make the sadness go away


Nor my daughter nor my lover nor the highway made it go away
Neither my family nor my time on the road could protect me from sadness


But now's there too much darkness in an endless night
I'm experiencing a lot of sadness that feels never-ending


To be ashamed of the way I feel
I shouldn't feel shame or embarrassment about my sadness


I'll be kind to my loved ones,
I'll be compassionate and understanding towards my family


Not forever, but for real.
I'll be genuine in my kindness, even if the sadness doesn't go away


Some say God is lover
Some people believe that God embodies love


Some say it's an endless void
Others believe that God is an infinite, empty space


Some say both, some say She's angry
There are many different views on God's nature and emotions


Some say, just annoyed
Some people believe that God is simply irritated with humanity


But if God felt a hammer in the palm of His hand
If God experienced physical pain


Then God knows the way we feel
Then God understands the sadness and pain that we experience


And then love lasts forever, forever and for real
If God experiences our pain and understands our struggles, then love is eternal and genuine




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