This Time
Depswa Lyrics

I want to hurt you and don't know why
I have a desire to cause you pain, but I do not understand the reasoning behind it.

Though I know it's not like me
Despite being an uncommon feeling for me, I still feel the urge to hurt you.

I can not help it, though I try to keep you away
Even though I try to distance myself from you, I am unable to control my desire to hurt you.

All this time I thought I knew who you were
I believed that I had a clear understanding of your character and nature.

But this time all your words were just lies for demise
However, this time I discovered that you were dishonest and aiming to harm me with your deceit.

And your thoughts were found unpure
I also learned that your intentions were not pure, and you had ulterior motives.

So when push comes to shove I found reasons
When faced with a difficult situation, I found legitimate reasons to not work through the problems with you.

To not work it out or relate
I saw it best to not try to resolve or further understand the issues with you.

And get off on the fear that I get when your near
I have a strange satisfaction in feeling fear when you are nearby.

And the problems that I create
I am aware that I exacerbate the problems between us.

This time, I think you'll finally see
I believe that this time, you will clearly see the situation from my perspective.

This time, I will not break
I will not allow myself to be manipulated or broken by you again.

This time, I'm smart enough to know
I have gained the understanding to see through your manipulations and avoid falling for them again.

There is only so much I'll take
I have a limit to what I can endure.

This time, I'm gonna make change
I am committed to making changes in my life, and removing you from it if necessary.

This time, you're in my way
You are a hindrance to my progress and growth.

This time, I will not play the same head trip on me game that you play
I refuse to be engaged in the same psychological game that you play to manipulate me.

Unresolved situations escalate
Issues left unresolved only get worse, and can escalate quickly.

Inside something brings me to push
I feel a deep urge to take action and push forward.

To find out what you can take
I want to know what your limits are, and how far I can push you.

When we run out of love and change seasons
When our feelings have changed and the relationship has run its course.

With our lives together at stake
Considering the high stakes of a failing relationship, with both of our lives being affected by the outcome.

I'm aware of tears that I give when your near
I am conscious of the emotional pain I experience when you are around.

And the confusion that I make
I also create confusion and complications in the situation with my own thoughts and actions.

I don't want to lie
Despite my desire to hurt you, I do not have the intention to be dishonest or lie about my feelings.