Lately
Erikthemc Lyrics

Lately it's been hard for me to smile
Recently, I've been struggling to find joy or happiness in my life

Try so hard but im in denial
Even though I'm putting in effort, I can't admit or accept my true emotions

All those names that i've been told
The negative comments and criticisms I've received

They're running through my head
Those negative words continue to occupy my thoughts

Like im running miles
It feels like I'm constantly trying to escape from these thoughts, as if I'm running a long distance

How long while this go on for?
I wonder how much longer I'll have to endure this

I don't know but i am sure it will be a while
I don't have an exact answer, but I know it will be a significant amount of time

I can't take this pain no more
The emotional pain has become unbearable

Liquor bottles there ain't no more
I've been relying on alcohol to cope, but now there's none left

All this stress theres plently more
There's an overwhelming amount of stress in my life

All these people yea i gave them all
I've given my all to these people

Where are they now
But now, they're nowhere to be found

I ask myself Why do i try
I constantly question why I continue to make an effort

I dont know
I don't have the answer

Can't trust nobody these days
In today's world, it's difficult to trust anyone

Promises theyre all fake
The promises people make are all deceitful

Everybody is fake
Everyone around me is being inauthentic

Why so many damn hate
I'm confused about why there is so much hate

I can't even trust my family
Even my own family members have betrayed my trust

They try to me Bring me down
They attempt to lower my spirits and make me feel worse

I tell them i do it for them
I try to convince them that I'm pursuing my dreams for their sake

Suddenly My dreams all drown.
However, my dreams are now being overshadowed and extinguished

I drown myself in my tears (yea)
I become overwhelmed with sadness and cry uncontrollably

I drown myself in my fears (yea)
My fears consume me and cause me to feel suffocated

I glance here from the stairs
I observe the people around me from a distance

How everybody seems to live well
Everyone appears to be living happy and successful lives

Though they might be just like me
Despite their appearances, they may also be facing similar struggles like mine

Fighting demons just like me
They could also be battling their own internal demons

Masking their pain with a smile just like me
They are hiding their pain behind a facade, just like I am

See
You see

Ive been holding this in for way too long
I've kept these feelings and thoughts to myself for an extended period of time

Hear my words of distress
Now, I want people to listen to my cries for help

Ive been tryna remain strong
I've been attempting to stay strong and resilient

But Its time to finally confess
But now, I realize it's necessary to confess and express my true feelings

What i feel inside so i wrote it down
I've written down my innermost emotions

So the world can hear my sound
So that others can understand and relate to my experiences

Thats so profound
It's a deeply meaningful and significant realization

Before its to late
Before it's too late and I'm no longer able to express myself

And im not around
If I'm not here anymore

I wonder if love was not meant for me
I question if love is something I'm not destined to experience

Cause everytime i try they break me
Because every time I open myself up to love, I end up getting hurt

I give them my all they take advantage
I give my all in relationships, but others exploit and manipulate me

I give them my heart
I wholeheartedly invest myself emotionally

They give me fragments in return
But in return, they only give me small pieces or fragments of love

And i return cause i just do not learn
And despite this, I continue to give my heart to others because I haven't learned my lesson

Its hard to discern
It's difficult to differentiate between genuine love and deception

Who will overturn and hurt you
It's uncertain who will eventually betray and cause me pain

I think you about you everyday
I constantly think about you every single day

Wondering if you are okay
I wonder if you're doing well

Living my life day by day
I'm simply trying to navigate through life one day at a time

Looking through my pictures and i see your face
When I look at my photos, I see your face and it reminds me of our past together

Memories start flashing
A flood of memories rushes back

Open up the numberpad and start dialying
I contemplate reaching out to you by dialing your number

Cancel the call cause i can't do this
But then I cancel the call because I can't bring myself to do it

And im back to where i started
And I'm back to feeling the way I did before, with no progress made

Gave you all i had but wanted me to conquest
I gave you everything I had, but you only wanted me as a conquest or prize

More than the world for you
I was willing to do anything and everything for you

And if it weren't for you
If it wasn't for you

I would've never realized the lies you told me
I wouldn't have realized the deception and lies you fed me

To blinded with this love
I was too blinded by love to see the truth

That diguised it from me
You cleverly disguised it from me

Everyone told me that your love wasn't real
Others warned me that your love was not genuine

I ignored their appeal
But I chose to ignore their advice and pleas

And continued to fall for you
And I kept falling deeper in love with you

Cause i knew inside you felt something for me
Because deep down, I believed you had genuine feelings for me

No matter what people told me
Regardless of what others said to me

They tried to show me
They attempted to reveal the truth to me

I tried to show them
But I tried convincing them

The angel that you were for me
That you were an angel in my life

You were forming a person in me
You were shaping me into a different person

That i never knew that i could be
Someone I never thought I could become

But Now that youre gone
But now that you're no longer here

I honestly dont know what's left of me.
I genuinely don't know who I am anymore

I cry myself to sleep
I find myself crying until I fall asleep

It seems that All these dreams
It feels like all of my dreams

Are just some fantasy
Are simply unrealistic fantasies

To all my family
To my loved ones

I told myself that one day
I always convinced myself that someday

I'd try make a change
I would attempt to bring about a positive change

Like martin luther king
Similar to Martin Luther King Jr.

Hes still remembered to this day
He is still widely remembered and celebrated even today

I was barely 13
I was only 13 years old

When i decided to start rapping
That's when I made the decision to pursue a career in rapping

I told a few people
I confided in a few individuals

They just started laughing
But they simply laughed at me

My friends started to fade away
My friends started to drift apart from me

Now im alone and on my way
Now I feel isolated and on my own path

Still tryna find my purpose
I'm still in the process of discovering my true purpose in life

Music helps me cope with the pain
Music serves as a coping mechanism for me to deal with the pain I feel

Life hasnt been same
Life hasn't been the same

Ever since i moved to a different state
Since I relocated to a different state, things have changed

But here is where i picked up the mic
But it was here where I found solace in picking up the microphone

And began my journey
And embarked on my musical journey

Experienced the fast life
I've indulged in the fast-paced lifestyle

Surrounded by people
Being around individuals

Who wanna live the same life
Who aspire to live a similar lifestyle

In the studio all day and all night
Spending countless hours in the recording studio

Hoping our voice gets heard
Desperately hoping that our voices will be heard

But its hard with all this new music
But it's difficult to stand out in a sea of new music

Which is now preferred it so absurd
Because the current preference for music is somewhat ridiculous

Do you live the same shit thats all slurred
Do you conform to the same nonsensical trends?

On the verge of quitting
I'm very close to giving up

But J Cole taught me to never omit
But J Cole's teachings have reminded me to never exclude or neglect anything

And stay committed
And remain dedicated to my craft

So here i am sitting
So here I am, reflecting and contemplating

In this room alone Thinking
In this room by myself, lost in thought

Of ways to possibly
Thinking of potential ways to

Finally make a difference
Finally create an impact or bring about change