Falling apart
Feldup Lyrics

When people came to see me
Despite people coming to visit me, they were unable to truly see me or understand what I was going through.

They didn't see shit
The visitors were unable to perceive the pain and suffering that I was experiencing, and were therefore unable to help me cope.

Tubes inside of my head's pushing the blood from within
The medical tubes inserted into my body were forcing blood out of my brain, as a result of my physical and emotional trauma.

Someday I'll feel better
I hold out hope that one day I will be able to recover, heal and overcome my challenges.

I hope I won't be afraid to
As I strive to recover, I fear that I may still struggle with fear and anxiety, which may hinder my progress.

Kill time like I used to
In the past, I was able to manage my struggles by distracting myself with various activities and hobbies, but that may no longer be feasible for me.

Now I'm just terrified of you
As a result of my experiences, I have become increasingly fearful of the people around me, and the impact they may have on my mental and emotional well-being.

Let me fall apart again
I long to be able to breakdown and let out my emotions, even if it means temporarily losing control.

I'm scared of people
As a result of my experiences, I have developed a fear and distrust of other people.

'Cause life is kind of meaningless
Despite my struggles and experiences, I still feel as though life is lacking in purpose or meaning, which only exacerbates my depression and anxiety.

(Take the train)
This repeated phrase suggests a desire to leave behind the current circumstances, and escape the painful emotions and trauma that have been experienced.

I've been twisted and torn
Through my experiences, both physical and emotional, I have been severely impacted and changed, resulting in feelings of internal disarray and turmoil.

By the speed of the days
Time seems to be racing by, further accentuating my sense of loss and confusion.

Sometimes I wish I was born
I have experienced so much pain and suffering that I wish I had never even been born.

Light years away
I desire to be as far away from my current life as possible, to escape the trauma and hardship.

Far away from this shitshow
The current state of my life and experiences is so unbearable that I wish to be as far removed from it as possible.

People dying around me
The deaths of those around me only serve to compound my sense of loss and despair.

My grandma terminally ill stuck in Parkinson's disease
The illness and suffering of my loved ones serves only to further enhance my own feelings of sadness and helplessness.

A foot on the cliff
I feel as though I am precariously balanced, with each moment bringing me closer to the edge of the metaphorical cliff.

The other one out in the void
At the same time, I feel as though I am adrift, with no clear sense of direction or purpose.

I don't want to break down again
While I long to allow myself to release my emotions, I fear the consequences that may come from doing so, and therefore attempt to suppress them.

Ah (Take the train)
This refrain serves to further emphasize the desire to escape and find a way out of the current hardship and pain.