Jerk
Freak Kitchen Lyrics

I am into showbiz, I am a road manager
I am a person who works in the entertainment industry and manages a touring music group.

Do ya know a sexy chick? I got a pass for her
I am asking if you know an attractive woman whom I can provide access to (likely backstage access or some other form of advantageous treatment).

Touring can be boring, but not for me
While many people may find touring to be monotonous or tedious, I personally find ways to enjoy myself.

You got to entertain yourself, I got a special hobby:
To alleviate the boredom of touring, I have a particular pastime that I engage in.

I fuck with the support band, I remember when
I have sexual relations with members of the opening act, which is something I have done in the past.

We had a shitty little group, called "Freak Kitchen"
My own music group, which I manage, was not initially successful and was called "Freak Kitchen."

I'm always in the mode for, let's say, any kind of dope
I am typically in the mood for drugs or other substances that can alter my state of mind.

I asked the drummer if he wanted some, but he said "nope"
I offered the drummer drugs, but he declined.

Well I couldn't believe what I just heard
I am expressing disbelief or shock at something that has been said.

The drummer of this group was this astonishing nerd
The drummer of the band I manage is someone who is very intelligent or studious, which surprises me for some reason.

The singer and guitarist and the bass player as well
I am singling out the remaining members of the band I manage - the vocalist, guitarist, and bassist.

If I only had the guts I'd tell em: go to hell!
If I were brave enough, I would convey my strong feelings of dislike or hostility towards the members of the band I manage.

Instead I turned around and asked a guy from the crew
Rather than confronting these people directly, I chose to ask someone else (a member of our traveling staff) to help me find a woman to have sex with.

To go and get a girl that we all can screw
I am instructing this crew member to find a woman who we can all engage in sexual activity with.

You see, I an asshole and a real hypocrite
I am acknowledging that I am a selfish and deceitful person, who likely does things that others would disapprove of.

And my wife and kids don't know hippo-shit
My family is unaware of my actions or the type of person I truly am.

I rather be a jerk, than being hip like you
I would rather be seen as an unpleasant or disagreeable person, rather than conforming to societal norms or expectations.

I rather be a jerk, than do the shit you do
I would rather act in a rude or unpleasant manner, rather than engaging in the same behavior as someone else.

I rather be a jerk, than snort 'til I turn blue
I would prefer to be seen as unpleasant, than to overindulge in drugs or other substances.

I rather be a jerk, I rather be a jerk
I strongly prefer to be viewed as unlikable or disagreeable, for some personal or psychological reason.

An orgy a day keeps the Mrs away
Engaging in sexual activity with multiple partners on a daily basis keeps my wife from finding out about my infidelities or other behavior.

I'm a road manager in a giant ashtray
The touring environment for musicians and their staff can be very smoky and unpleasant, like a large ashtray.

And when my conscience knocks on the door
When I feel guilty or ashamed of my actions, it is like my conscience is confronting me in some way.

I bury myself in horse as a cure
To make myself feel better, I turn to drugs (specifically, heroin).

And a prostitute, then I shoot some more
In addition to drugs, I also engage in sex with paid partners or prostitutes.