A Fine Romance
Fred Astaire feat. Ginger Rogers Lyrics

A fine romance with no kisses
Our relationship may seem fine, but it lacks the physical affection that should come with romance.

A fine romance, my friend, this is
Despite the absence of romantic gestures, we still consider ourselves to be engaged in a fine romance.

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)
We should be passionate and lively like a couple in love, but you seem aloof and indifferent.

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)
You are unresponsive and unfeeling, like cold, leftover mashed potatoes from a previous day.

A fine romance, you won't nestle
You refuse to cuddle or get close to me in a loving way, even though we are supposedly in a romance.

A fine romance, you won't even wrestle
You are unreceptive to any playfulness or physical expression of affection, even wrestling.

You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
You've never been passionate or engaged enough to ruffle the crease in my blue serge pants, which is a metaphor for showing any real passion or vigor in our relationship.

You never take a chance, this is a fine romance
You are too cautious and complacent, making our romance stagnant and uneventful.

A fine romance, my good fellow
We may still be in a fine romance, but the term 'fellow' implies that our relationship is devoid of any real intimacy or romance.

You take romance, I'll take Jello
You have no real interest in romance, so you can have Jello, which is a metaphor for something that is easy and requires no effort or heart.

You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
You are so unresponsive and calm that you make the seals in the Arctic Ocean seem emotional and impassioned.

At least they flap their fins to express emotion
Even the seals in the Arctic Ocean show more emotional expression than you, who are completely unresponsive and emotionless.

A fine romance, my dear Duchess
Again, we may be engaged in a fine romance, but using 'Duchess' to address you implies a lack of real intimacy or romantic connection.

Two old fogies, we really need crutches
We are like two old and feeble people who need crutches to get around, which is a metaphor for how stagnant and uneventful our relationship is.

You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce)
You are as difficult to attain or win over as the Ile de France, a luxury ocean liner from France, which is a metaphor for how unresponsive and uninterested you are in our romance.

I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance
I have no real chance or opportunity to get closer to you or experience true romance, making our relationship stagnant and unfulfilling.

A fine romance, my good woman
We are still in a fine romance, but using 'woman' to address you implies that there is still a lack of intimacy or real emotional connection.

My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman
You are older and more experienced, which should make you more passionate and engaging, but instead you are still unresponsive and stagnant.

You never give those orchids I send a glance
You are so unresponsive and indifferent that you don't even acknowledge the romantic gestures I make to try and connect with you, like the orchids I send you.

They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)
The fact that you don't even acknowledge or appreciate the orchids I send you makes them seem like prickly, unpleasant cactus plants instead of romantic gestures.

This is a fine romance
Overall, our relationship may be considered a 'fine romance,' but it lacks any real intimacy or genuine emotional connection, making it stagnant and unfulfilling for both of us.