difficult
Gracie Abrams Lyrics

My double vision
My perception is distorted, making things seem different than they actually are

Is only amplifying everything he isn't
My distorted perception is making all of his flaws and shortcomings seem worse

'Til I feel less attached and bored to death, but listen
My distorted perception is making me feel less emotionally invested and even bored in the relationship

It's no one's fault, it's just my terrible condition
I recognize that the problem is not with the other person, but rather a condition that I have

And I've been thinkin' if I move out this year
I've been considering the idea of moving out of my parents' house this year

I'll feel my parents slipping
I'm afraid that if I move out, I'll lose my connection with my parents

Away and also I'm just scared of that commitment
In addition to the fear of losing my connection with my parents, I'm also scared of making the commitment of moving out

I really think sometimes there's something that I'm missing
I feel like there's something missing in my life, but I can't quite put my finger on it

To name this feeling
I can't quite identify or label this feeling

Would take a hundred thousand years, some kind of grieving
It would take an impossibly long amount of time and intense emotional experience to truly understand and define this feeling

But over what I never had, so I've been speaking
This feeling is tied to something I never had, which I've been talking about with my therapist

To my therapist, I call her every weekend
I seek support and guidance from my therapist on a weekly basis

I meant to tell you
I wanted to tell you something, but never got the chance

How I've hated how we left things when it fell through
I regret how things ended between us when our relationship didn't work out

'Cause you were everything to me, where did you run to?
You meant everything to me, but now I don't know where you are or what happened to you

Was it something that I said that colored you blue?
I wonder if something I said or did caused you pain or made you feel sad

I've been drinking
I've been using alcohol as a coping mechanism

And staying up too late reliving bad decisions
I've been staying up late, replaying and regretting past mistakes

I thought eventually my ranting here would fix it
I hoped that if I vented and talked things out, it would help resolve my issues

Oh, I know spiraling is miserable
I understand that constantly spiraling and feeling stuck is a painful experience

I should probably go back home
I realize that returning to my parents' house might be the best decision for me right now

Why does that feel difficult, difficult?
Despite knowing that it might be the right choice, it still feels incredibly difficult to do so

Oh, I hope I wake up invisible
I yearn for the ability to be non-existent or unnoticed

I'd be someone no one knows
I'd have a chance to start over and be a completely new person

I guess I'm just difficult, difficult
I'm starting to realize that I can be difficult and complicated to understand and deal with

Difficult (I)
I acknowledge that I can be difficult to handle, and it's something I'm working on

Difficult
Being difficult is a part of who I am, and I'm learning to accept and embrace it