Penance
Holding Absence Lyrics

I watch the clock hands go by, time after time
I constantly observe the passing of time, repeatedly and without interruption.

I dream of leaving this place
I fantasize about escaping from my current situation or environment.

If I could leave the past behind
If it were possible for me to abandon my previous experiences or history.

Then I would just fade away, and cease to exist
In that case, I would silently vanish and no longer exist.

Well, it would cleanse all my pain
Indeed, it would purify or rid me of all my emotional suffering.

It's a shame that I ever lived
Regrettably, it is disappointing or regretful that I ever existed.

The Devil on my shoulder, he whispers to me
A metaphorical representation of my inner demons or negative influences, constantly speaking quietly to me.

And dribbles such a never-ending cacophony
And continuously spews a chaotic and discordant noise.

Into my ear to blind the joy that tries to reach out to me
Entering my mind to obstruct or prevent the happiness that attempts to connect with me.

Such a dulcet suffering, why can't anyone see?
This sweetly melodic agony, why doesn't anyone perceive it?

Penance, a lesson in misery
The act of self-punishment or retribution, serving as an instructive experience in suffering.

You studied my rise as you watched my fall
You carefully observed my ascent to success and then witnessed my downfall.

I wrote my love in the cracks of the cracks of the wall
I expressed my affection in even the tiniest crevices of the already damaged wall.

You'll read that dying in vain, it was as good as it looked
You will come to understand that dying without purpose or significance was exactly as satisfying as it appeared.

In a forget-me-not written in the spine of a book
Preserved within a humble flower of remembrance inscribed along the backbone of a literary work.

I've wasted my time falling in love
I have squandered my time by becoming infatuated with the notion of falling in love.

With the thought of falling in love with someone
With the idea or concept of engaging in a romantic connection with another person.

Am I killing time, or killing myself?
Am I idly passing the time, or am I slowly causing my own demise?

I think I'm killing myself sometimes, oh
At times, I believe that I am gradually self-destructing.

Well, I could never grow trees
Unfortunately, I could never nurture or cultivate trees to maturity.

Still, I planted my seeds
Nevertheless, I sowed my seeds in the hope of growth or progress.

And sadly, you will see
Sadly, you will come to understand or realize.

Eternal sunshine won't blossom me
Perpetual brightness or happiness will not thrive within me.

I am enough to feel happiness and love
I possess the capacity to experience joy and affection on my own.

It's hard to say out loud, 'I deserve to be happy now'
Expressing verbally is difficult, but it is true that I am worthy of immediate happiness.

Well, I deserve to be happy now
Indeed, I am deserving of present happiness.

You, penance, a lesson in misery
You, as an embodiment of self-punishment, serve as a painful instructive experience.

Well, I deserve to be happy now
Indeed, I am deserving of present happiness.