Panic Attacks
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I'm sorry I'm here again
I apologize for being back in this situation

I′m sorry I'm starting to wear again
I apologize for starting to feel overwhelmed again

Sorry you're tired of hearing it
I apologize for burdening you with my struggles and understand if you're tired of listening

I′m tired of carrying all the comparison
I'm exhausted from constantly comparing myself to others

Sorry I'm feeling it
I apologize for feeling this way, but I can't help it

I'm sorry I suck at concealing it
I apologize for not being able to hide my feelings well

If I were real with you I′d tell it all
If I could be completely honest with you, I would share everything with you

If you were real with me you'd tell me you don′t think I'm real at all
If you were honest with me, you would tell me that you don't think my struggles are legitimate

So who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are to doubt or dismiss my struggles?

Without me you′re nothing
Without my struggles, you wouldn't have anything to validate your own existence

Don't mean to cause no alarm
I don't intend to cause any worry or panic

But I'm all you got
I'm the only thing that makes you feel like you matter

You treat me like you forgot how we got started
You're not showing me the same support and understanding we used to have

Now I′m discarded
You're acting like my struggles are no longer valid or important

Not sure what I did but I don′t belong here
I don't know what I did wrong, but I don't feel like I fit in anymore

If you don't need me I′ll hang back
If you don't want or need my struggles, I'll try to keep them to myself

But you're gonna feel me when the panic attacks
You'll see and feel the effects of my struggles when I have a panic attack

Yeah, remember that?
Remember the good times we used to have and how I supported you?

You and me, see, we go way back
We have a long history and connection

Had your best interest, had your back
I always had your best interests in mind and supported you

But you weren′t interested in that
But you didn't care about my support or interest in you

And I do my best to shut up
I try to keep quiet about my struggles so as not to burden you

'Cause that′s all you ever try to tell me when I come up
Because you always dismiss or downplay my struggles when I try to talk to you about them

So I stay in the basement and try to hold the breakdowns back
I isolate myself and try to avoid letting my emotions overwhelm me

But the basic math says this won't last
However, it's clear that this coping strategy is not sustainable

How much longer do you think you have
How much longer can you keep ignoring my struggles and minimizing my pain?

One of these days you'll totally crash
One day, you'll see how much I really need your support and validation, and it will hit you hard

You′ll look at me like, "What just happened?"
You'll realize how much you've been dismissing my struggles and it will be a shock

That′s what I've been trying to keep from happening
That's what I've been trying to avoid by keeping my struggles hidden from you

So I keep you happy
I try to keep your life and emotions stable and drama-free

′Til someday, suddenly, sadly
Until one day, unexpectedly and unfortunately

You're snapping
You reach your breaking point and finally see the extent of my struggles

Oh and the tiniest crack
Even the slightest bit of pressure or stress can trigger a breakdown

Spreads like fire
It quickly and easily becomes overwhelming and all-consuming

Shatters the glass
It completely breaks down your emotional barriers and sense of control

You try holding it back
You attempt to suppress or hide your emotions

But beggars can′t choose when the panic attacks
However, you can't control when these intense emotions and panic will strike

I'm sorry I′m sensitive
I apologize for being emotionally sensitive and vulnerable

But not really sorry 'cause you're just
But I'm not truly sorry, because my sensitivity is a valid part of who I am

Pretending it ain′t what it is
Denying or ignoring these struggles won't make them go away

Ain′t what we are
These struggles and emotions are a part of who we are

Like you think you really got us this far
You can't take full credit for our progress or growth as a result of these struggles

And that's all in spite of me
Our progress has happened despite my struggles and not because of them

Really now?
Is that really the truth?

And you wish I wasn′t here
You sometimes wish my struggles didn't exist or affect our lives

Gave you the warnings, gave you the signs
I've tried to communicate and prepare you for the potential impact of my struggles

You just ignore me, pay me no mind
But you often disregard or dismiss my concerns and warnings

You left me no options
Your lack of support or validation has left me feeling helpless and stuck

I gotta stop this
I need to find a way to overcome these struggles and not let them consume me

Can't have you thinking that you really got this
I can't let you believe that you're in control of these struggles or that they don't exist

Not sabotaging
I'm not trying to harm or destroy our relationship

Just trying to caution you before you put us straight in the coffin
I'm just trying to warn you that if we don't address these struggles, they could ruin our relationship

I'll make you nauseous
I'll make you uncomfortable or distressed by sharing my struggles with you

Feel like you lost it
You'll feel like you've lost control or stability in your life

Head to the basement
I'll isolate myself and become withdrawn to avoid burdening you with my struggles

Make you my hostage
I'll make you feel trapped or obligated to deal with my struggles

For so many years I couldn't stop it
I've struggled with these emotions and issues for a long time and couldn't overcome them on my own

But now I′ll make you feel like I feel
Now, I'll make you understand the extent of my struggles and emotions

I promise
I promise to be open and honest about my emotions and mental health moving forward

Oh and just the tiniest crack
Even a small trigger or stressor can have a huge impact on my emotional state

Can break you into pieces just like that
It can completely overwhelm and break down your emotional barriers in an instant

′Cause beggars can′t choose when the panic attacks
I don't have control over when these intense emotions or panic attacks occur

I'm sorry I doubted you
I apologize for not trusting or believing in you before

Sorry I made you shut up
I apologize for not listening to or valuing your perspective before

I couldn't face the truth
I couldn't accept the reality of my struggles and how they were impacting my life

It scared me too much
I was afraid of the potential consequences or implications of facing my struggles

So I kept you locked up
I kept my emotions and struggles hidden from you and didn't share them with you

'Cause I didn′t know
Because I didn't know how to handle or cope with my mental health issues

Know that I needed you
Now I realize that I need your support and understanding to overcome these struggles

But I do now
I now understand the importance of being vulnerable and seeking help to overcome my struggles