Eyes Wide Shut
Illenium Lyrics

I say I love you, but I don't
I communicate that I have feelings for you, but the truth is that I do not.

I say I'm fine, but I'm miserable
When asked how I am, I claim to be well, but in actuality, I am deeply unhappy.

I'm dead, but you probably can't tell
I am emotionally numb and empty, but it may not be obvious to others.

Been scalin' the walls of the wishin' well
I have been desperately trying to attain my desires, even if it means scaling seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

My head's in the sky, but I'm fallin' backwards, yeah
My hopes and ambitions are sky-high, but I am nevertheless experiencing setbacks and defeats.

And night crawlin', I'm wide awake in my dreams
Even when asleep, my mind is active and full of thoughts that keep me awake at night.

Wake up and I don't know what anything means
Upon awakening, I feel confused and lost, unsure of the purpose and direction of my life.

We're completely different people than the people we wanted
Although we may have harbored specific aspirations and dreams when we first met, the reality of who we are now is vastly different from that idealized version.

Have we outgrown this city? I'm so tired
I am exhausted from questioning whether or not we have surpassed the city and our relationship that originally brought us together.

Of wishin' I was somewhere different from where you are
I frequently find myself yearning for a different location or circumstances than what I have, sometimes specifically away from you.

With my eyes wide shut
Despite the clarity of my thoughts and emotions about our relationship and situation, I am not actively making any changes or taking action.

Smilin' into the mirror like a psychopath
I force a smile when I look at myself because it is expected, even if I feel completely detached or unhinged.

Can't remember the last time you made me laugh
It has been so long since you have genuinely been able to make me happy or feel joyous that I cannot recall it.

Dryin' tears with my lipstick
I am trying to hide my emotions so that I do not appear vulnerable or weak, even to myself.

You're the first on my hit list
I have comprised a list of people and things that I am directing my frustrations, anger, or aggression toward, and you are at the top.

Or have I gone missing in the dark?
I am unsure if my feelings and thoughts have disappeared because they are obscured or if I have lost touch with reality altogether.

Oh, 'cause I don't get high off you anymore
The things that once brought me joy and excitement in our relationship no longer do so.

And no, I don't get high off you anymore
I am reaffirming that I have lost the spark and excitement of our relationship, and I do not see it returning.