Coda
James Marsters/Sarah Michelle Gellar Lyrics
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I look into it and it's black
This isn't real
But I just want to feel
I died so many years ago
You can make me feel
The lyrics from the song Coda are a representation of the pain and struggle within the character of Spike (played by James Marsters) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The opening lines "I touch the fire and it freezes me, I look into it and it's black" refers to his tormented soul, the fire representing his desire for Buffy (played by Sarah Michelle Gellar), and the black symbolizing his pain and inability to change his destructive nature. Despite knowing that his desire for Buffy will ultimately lead to his downfall, he can't help but want to feel the intensity of his emotions. The repetition of "this isn't real, but I just want to feel" speaks to his desperation for validation and affection, even though he knows it's a fantasy.
The second verse "I died so many years ago, you can make me feel" depicts Spike's tragic backstory. As a vampire, he was cursed with a soul, leading him to feel the guilt and remorse for his past evil deeds. His longing for Buffy's love and acceptance is where he finds solace, even if it's temporary. The line "where do we go from here?" speaks to his uncertainty and confusion about what the future holds for him and Buffy.
Line by Line Meaning
I touch the fire and it freezes me
When I feel passion and desire, it terrifies me and leaves me feeling frozen and vulnerable.
I look into it and it's black
When I try to understand the darkness within myself, I am met with an impenetrable void that leaves me feeling lost and alone.
This isn't real
Despite my deep yearning for connection and fulfillment, I know that what I am experiencing is not based in reality and is merely a dream.
But I just want to feel
Despite the fear and uncertainty that comes with facing my innermost desires, I cannot resist the urge to seek out and embrace them.
I died so many years ago
I have experienced deep pain and loss in the past that has left me feeling dead inside and distant from the world around me.
You can make me feel
Despite my struggles with emotional numbness and disconnection, you have the power to awaken me and bring me back to life in ways I never thought possible.
Where do we go from here?
Despite the progress we have made and the trust we have built, we are unsure of where our relationship is headed and what the future holds for us.
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: JOSS HILL WHEDON
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind