Confession
Jay featuring Staxx Cadera Lyrics

I can’t shake the feeling that all of you just see my faults
I feel insecure that you only see my flaws.

How am I still slipping down when there’s nowhere left to fall
I feel like I'm still falling apart even though I’ve already hit rock bottom.

I’m so fucking tired of crying in the mirror
I’m exhausted of feeling sorry for myself and crying alone.

I’m so fucking done with wishing we were nearer
I’m tired of wanting to be closer to someone who is never there.

They tell us we’re confused but we’ve never been clearer
People think we're lost, but we've actually never been more certain about our lives.

They watched it all unfold but missed the bigger picture
People saw everything that happened, but they still didn't understand us.

Acting like we had a say in the matter
People pretend that we could control what was happening.

But it was always coursing through our veins
We couldn't help the way we felt about everything.

And we’re just dying to breathe
We just want to be able to live without judgment or criticism.

But they would rather watch us suffocate
People would rather see us fail than succeed.

Though it might seem like I’m just barely guessing for 20 years this shit has had me stressing
It may seem like I don't have any answers, but I've been anxious about all of this for two decades.

You never knew cause I was good at hiding
You didn't know how I truly felt because I was skilled at hiding my emotions.

Used to keep me up, but I’m too tired to fight it
I used to be bothered by all of this, but now I'm too exhausted to continue fighting.

No going down...
I won't give up.

I dropped out of school when I was only 21
I discontinued my studies when I was just 21 years old.

I wouldn’t recommend that move but I had finally had enough
I wouldn't advise anyone to do the same, but I was fed up and couldn't continue anymore.

I was sick and tired of living like my life was done
I was exhausted of living like my life was already over.

So scared of checking out that I could never own a gun
I'm too petrified of committing suicide to even own a gun.

I’m so fucking done with living everyday in pain
I'm fed up with feeling this pain every single day.

Cause since I woke up with that aching I have never been the same
Ever since I woke up feeling this pain, I've never been the same.

There were way too many nights I tried to numb it all away.
I have tried to forget my problems numerous times to no avail.

But I’d just wake up in the morning, surprised to find that nothing changed
I would wake up disappointed to discover that nothing had improved.

So I started chasing views singing in my kitchen
I began to pursue more attention by singing in my kitchen.

Taught myself how to produce so that you all could listen
I taught myself how to produce music so that others could hear it.

From the days of middle school I was always dreaming bigger
Even as a middle schooler, I always had grand aspirations.

It just took a little while for me to pull the trigger
It took me some time to finally take action on my goals.

It’s been many years since you first felt the passion
It's been quite a while since you first felt this passion.

But she always needs you reaching for perfection
However, this passion always requires you to strive for excellence.

She’s always pointing me in 12 directions
This passion always has my mind and interests going in numerous directions.

Always got me jumping to the right connections
This passion always leads me to the right people and opportunities.

Tried our hardest to fit into their roles
We did our best to conform to their expectations.

Made our beds there but never felt like home
We stayed in those roles, but we never felt like we belonged there.

Cause we had a different drive
Because we had a unique perspective.

And it was always coursing through our veins and were just trying to breathe
We were born with this passion, and we're just trying to keep ourselves alive.

It's been 20 years, and I never felt a blessing, so I put my bible back up on the dresser
For twenty years, I never felt like I had been blessed or favored, so I stopped reading my bible.

All your thoughts and prayers seem like an empty lesson
I don't believe that your kind words and hopes for me will do anything.

While your preaching peace holding that Smith in Wesson
You claim to be promoting peace, but you're holding a gun.

I know it might seem like I’m just barely guessing
It may appear like I'm unsure of myself.

But for 20 years this shit has had me stressing
However, I've been freaking out about all of this for two decades.

I don’t imagine that I’ll go to heaven
I don't believe that I'll go to heaven when I die.

You won’t find me in church but this is my confession
I'm not religious, but this is my admission of my innermost thoughts.