His music initially gained popularity on New York City's famous mixtape circuit in 2002. Although his biggest mainstream hit to-date is 2003's up-tempo "Pump It Up," Budden is known for his reflective and often insecure lyrics. He is widely considered one of hip-hop's most gifted lyricists, thanks largely in part to his numerous works on mixtapes by such DJ's as DJ Clue, Clinton Sparks, DJ On Point, and DJ Envy.
On one particular mixtape song, called "Crosscountry Connection", Joe started a feud with the G-Unit camp. The Game took offense to a line where Joe claims that gangsta rappers should "be in a G-Unit video with all the gangsta actors", obviously claiming G-Unit are fake gangstas. Unbeknownst to Budden, The Game had just recently signed with the G-Unit camp. The Game and G-Unit fired a few diss songs Budden's way; he replied in kind. The feud was ended when The Game and Budden met in a club in New York City and put the past aside.
During winter and spring of 2005, through Joe Budden mixtapes and hip-hop rumor mills, it was said that he departed from Def Jam to Roc-A-Fella Records with CEO Damon Dash. In reality, Budden was legally obligated to stay with Def Jam. In the beginning of Budden's career, it took him a long time to get public exposure, working more than three years from the first time his demo tapes were heard to the first time he was on the radio. He has appeared on many tracks with other artists including 112, Amerie, Brandy, Cassidy, Fabolous, Fat Joe, Freeway, Janet Jackson, Jay-Z, Jennifer Lopez, Jin, Kelly Rowland, Lil' Kim, LL Cool J, Marques Houston, Usher, and more recently a remix to the hit song "Hollaback Girl" with Gwen Stefani. Some of these were not official remixes, simply mixtape tracks where a Joe Budden verse was added to an existing song.
Though he is thought of as one of rap's most skilled lyricists, Budden's success outside of the mixtape circuit has been marginal purposely. He is known to have invested in real estate in North Jersey and instead of blowing up into the rap scene he decided to make money from other methods instead of getting a record deal. His music is usually more sensitive and thought provoking than that of gangsta rappers, but subsequently, it is also more explicit and unrelenting than most "conscious" or "backpack" rappers.
In late December of 2005, Joe released a mixtape after almost 5 months of being absent from the game. Mood Muzik 2 is considered by most to be a lyrical masterpiece and with so deep tracks such as "Dumb Out" and the emotional "3 Sides to a Story" (in which Joe harrowingly describes a disturbing situation), many wondered had these songs originally been scheduled to appear on The Growth.
In 2007, he was released by Def Jam. In December 2007, he released Mood Muzik 3, which many are calling the best mixtape of the year, with some even saying it's the album of the year since it contains all original material. Some have questioned this since the beat for 'Ventilation' is an edit of 'It's A Shame (Da Butcher's Mix)' by Kool G Rap.
In October 2008, Joe Budden released another highly-rated mixtape, Halfway House; featuring album cuts such as 'Touch & Go' and a snippet of 'Blood On The Wall', a diss to Prodigy of Mobb Deep.
In his career up to his 2nd album, he has worked with artists such as Busta Rhymes and Christina Milian, and has been involved in feuds with rapper The Game and G-Unit. He has since reconciled with The Game.
Since this reconciliation, Joe Budden signed to Amalgam Digital records, and both artists finalized the beef and have collaborated on the single 'The Future' for Joe Budden's now-released 2nd album, Padded Room. The album released February 24th in the U.S. and March 3rd in Canada.
Dear Diary
Joe Budden Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
Images like CNN but worse shit
I would down the whole Pinot Gris
But I'd see the group home without the primo beats
And it hurts my soul
I'm a warrior so though the odds is against a nigga, Dirk gon' choke
Some people confide in the person that they sleep with
I've learned there's no such thing as a secret (oh)
You was riding shotgun, I was wheeling the whip
Shit, I even let you rock out
Being Bill Belichick, tapin' from the sidelines, stealin' my shit
But dawg, you was like a mini me
Mocked me, envied me, turns out you was blowin hot air, Kenny G
But you was cool, accepted you instantly
Not a groupie but you had a few tendencies
And though we share a few memories
A couple wrong turns'll turn a friend to an enemy
See, phony people like phony people
Even you could be mistaken if you phone these people
Look, when you invite the nerds to the cool table
Shit is bound to break up like a pool table
So wack dudes'll start feeling like the shit
And you thinkin' it's you, its really where you sit
Or maybe you was neglected
'Cause when you take the front down and strip a nigga naked, he's dying to be accepted (oh)
I did that, just the way you was
Now you a stranger, nothing like the way you was
But uh, you not real, you not Rachel
You not Worm, you not Dill, shit, you not chill
I thought you had some...
Fuck the fake shit, I'm really feel that you tryna screw me
And you a little smarter than the average dude
So it took a nigga just a little longer to see
They tried to warn me, fought with my girl every night about you
Shit only hurts 'cause she was right about you
She run around wanting to shoot you the fair one
I keep telling her "chill, I don't care none"
I got another side I never showed to you
The side where everybody is disposable
See, relationships are never a threat
'Cause I'll erase the history and act like we never met
Become done giving a fuck and done calling
I got your e-mail, I was done way before then (oh)
Dear Diary, I don't wanna keep shit inside of me
I'd rather just speak to you privately
Maybe its my mood, as far as I can see
There's really no point in having this guy with me
Change from the days of us getting in your truck
It's bigger than one song, it's bigger than a buck
It's bigger than me, bigger than buck
Bigger than voodoo, its bigger than luck, shit, it's bigger than us
I always call niggas fools for wanting to learn the hard way (when)
When I'm really the fool for tryna teach 'em
When the blinds leading the blind you cant reach 'em
If niggas ain't as hungry as you then why feed 'em?
Niggas ain't tryna be lead then why lead 'em?
Having big problems with your dogs, why breed em?
I'll keep my part up, keep my guard up
Was like Thundercats but changed faster than Cheetara
This a small part of a larger issue
Sometimes acceptance is so hard to get to
But we all equal, no one lower or above me
I love my team just as much as they love me
If not more
If I turn the knob we all going through the door, I ain't coming back for y'all
The whole crew feel the same as me
How could you ignore something so plain to see?
I'm being ig'nant, that get on my nerves every minute
What's plain to some is really Burberry printed
Being so real sometimes is a slow kill
We was one squad, you broke out like Mike Scofield
I want fillet mignon, you want oatmeal
Add up our differences equals up to no meal
No mills, yup, no deal, why you gotta chase shit
To know it's no thrills
For real, a nigga still beefin' with his baby momma (BUT!)
Only thing my baby ain't a baby no more
Hit her on MySpace, maybe she ain't shady no more
Sent old girl a message, no reply but she read it
Some things are so embedded and our heads is
Looking for O's but get X's, dealing wit ya exes
I was one long line away from the Tetris
She sent me the L, that sent me to hell
To the point where I was ignoring my son
I don't see him, don't talk to him
I don't greet him, don't walk wit' him
But I pay for him like he's an object
No matter how right I am, in court I can't object
Dear Diary, how could she deny me?
How she go to bed without her fucking with her psyche?
Is she wrong using him so I can come back? (or)
Or am I wrong for wishing I could get my cum back?
Looking for sun, all I see is the hail
How I'm gon' trust? All I see is betrayal
It's like they keep trying more and more to subdue me
And only you understand, signed by yours truly...
In Dear Diary, Joe Budden speaks about a range of emotional experiences, including betrayal by a close friend, the pain of relationship breakdowns, and the complications of co-parenting. He describes the state of his life as a soundtrack, reminiscent of CNN’s graphic and difficult-to-see moments. He acknowledges that he attempts to cope with these stresses through alcohol but reveals that even drinking won’t make him forget the pain of listening to mediocre music after being exposed to better-quality songs. He briefly touches on the idea that people often share their innermost thoughts with their romantic partners, though he has come to understand that there are no true secrets.
The song's second verse focuses more specifically on a friend that betrayed Joe Budden. Though he admits that he initially enjoyed having the friend around, he eventually came to realize that this friend was phony and only interested in pushing his own agenda. Joe Budden suggests that people tend to gravitate towards others like themselves, and that it’s not uncommon for relationships between friends to disintegrate. He then goes on to discuss his disappointing experiences with relationships in general, saying that acceptance can be tough to come by. Joe Budden concludes by suggesting that his diary is the only place where he can candidly express his emotions.
Interesting facts:
Line by Line Meaning
The soundtrack to my life is like CNN first shit
The events and experiences in my life are like breaking news on CNN, but even more damaging.
Images like CNN but worse shit
The images and memories that haunt me are as vivid and distressing as the news on CNN, if not worse.
I would down the whole Pinot Gris
I would drink an entire bottle of Pinot Gris wine to try to forget and numb the pain.
But I'd see the group home without the primo beats
But without the great music and creativity, my life feels like a depressing and dull group home.
And it hurts my soul
And it deeply pains and affects my inner being.
I'm a warrior so though the odds is against a nigga, Dirk gon' choke
I have a fighting spirit, so even though the odds are against me, I believe that my adversaries will eventually fail and crumble.
Some people confide in the person that they sleep with
Some individuals find solace by sharing their deepest secrets and thoughts with their intimate partners.
I've learned there's no such thing as a secret (oh)
However, I've come to realize that in reality, there are no true secrets, as information tends to find its way out.
I can't describe the feeling I get
I am unable to adequately express the intense emotions that consume me.
You was riding shotgun, I was wheeling the whip
You were by my side, playing a supportive role, while I took control of the situation.
Shit, I even let you rock out
In fact, I even allowed you to have your own moments of success and shine.
Being Bill Belichick, tapin' from the sidelines, stealin' my shit
Similar to Bill Belichick, the football coach known for stealing opponents' strategies, you were secretly observing and stealing ideas from me.
But dawg, you was like a mini me
But, my friend, you resembled a smaller and less significant version of myself.
Mocked me, envied me, turns out you was blowin hot air, Kenny G
You mocked and envied me, but it became evident that you were just full of empty boasts, like the jazz musician Kenny G playing hot air through his saxophone.
But you was cool, accepted you instantly
Nevertheless, I found you to be pleasant and likable, and I welcomed you into my life without hesitation.
Not a groupie but you had a few tendencies
While you didn't necessarily idolize me, you did display some traits of being a fan or follower.
And though we share a few memories
Although we have some shared memories and experiences together
A couple wrong turns'll turn a friend to an enemy
A few missteps or wrong choices can transform a friend into a bitter enemy.
See, phony people like phony people
It is often the case that fake individuals are attracted to and recognize other fake individuals.
Even you could be mistaken if you phone these people
Even someone like you could fall victim to deception when dealing with deceitful individuals.
Look, when you invite the nerds to the cool table
When you allow those who are typically excluded or considered outsiders to join the popular group or circle
Shit is bound to break up like a pool table
Conflict and discord are likely to arise and cause the group's unity to shatter, similar to a pool table breaking apart.
So wack dudes'll start feeling like the shit
As a result, mediocre individuals will develop an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority.
And you thinkin' it's you, its really where you sit
And you might mistakenly believe that you are the problem, when in reality, it's the toxic environment and company you surround yourself with.
Or maybe you was neglected
Perhaps you were overlooked or disregarded
'Cause when you take the front down and strip a nigga naked, he's dying to be accepted (oh)
Because when you expose someone's vulnerabilities and flaws, they become desperate and yearn for acceptance and validation.
I did that, just the way you was
I experienced that, feeling the need to be accepted just as you did
Now you a stranger, nothing like the way you was
Now you have become a distant and unfamiliar person, completely different from the way you used to be.
But uh, you not real, you not Rachel
But, well, you aren't genuine, and you certainly aren't trustworthy like Rachel
You not Worm, you not Dill, shit, you not chill
You are nothing like Worm or Dill, you are not cool or laid back.
I thought you had some...
I had thought you possessed some redeeming qualities or integrity
Fuck the fake shit, I'm really feel that you tryna screw me
I despise all the dishonesty, and I genuinely believe that you are attempting to deceive or betray me.
And you a little smarter than the average dude
And you possess a slightly higher level of intelligence and cunning compared to the average person.
So it took a nigga just a little longer to see
Therefore, it took me slightly longer to recognize your true nature and intentions.
They tried to warn me, fought with my girl every night about you
Those close to me attempted to caution and alert me, resulting in continuous arguments with my significant other concerning you.
Shit only hurts 'cause she was right about you
The pain I feel is intensified because my girlfriend was correct in her judgments and warnings about you.
She run around wanting to shoot you the fair one
She is eager to confront and engage in a physical altercation with you on equal terms.
I keep telling her "chill, I don't care none"
I repeatedly advise her to calm down, assuring her that I am nonchalant and unaffected by the situation.
I got another side I never showed to you
I have a hidden aspect of myself that I never revealed to you.
The side where everybody is disposable
It is a side of me where I view everyone as expendable and replaceable.
See, relationships are never a threat
From my perspective, connections and bonds with others are never something to be feared or considered a danger.
'Cause I'll erase the history and act like we never met
Because if necessary, I am capable of erasing all traces of our relationship and behave as if we never crossed paths.
Become done giving a fuck and done calling
I reach a point where I no longer care and stop making any effort to communicate or reach out.
I got your e-mail, I was done way before then (oh)
I received your email, but honestly, I had moved on and severed ties long before that (oh)
Dear Diary, I don't wanna keep shit inside of me
I don't want to continue holding my thoughts and emotions within, so I'll express them to you, dear diary.
I'd rather just speak to you privately
I prefer to confide in you alone, in a private and confidential manner.
Maybe it's my mood, as far as I can see
Perhaps it's my current state of mind, but from my perspective
There's really no point in having this guy with me
There's truly no purpose or benefit in having this individual by my side.
Change from the days of us getting in your truck
Things have transformed since the time when we used to ride together in your vehicle.
It's bigger than one song, it's bigger than a buck
The issues between us go beyond a single song or monetary matters.
It's bigger than me, bigger than buck
This matter extends beyond just me and you; it encompasses larger issues and consequences.
Bigger than voodoo, its bigger than luck, shit, it's bigger than us
It transcends the realm of superstition and chance; it's a matter of greater significance that surpasses our individual selves.
I always call niggas fools for wanting to learn the hard way (when)
I frequently label individuals as fools for choosing to gain knowledge and understanding through difficult and painful experiences (when)
When I'm really the fool for tryna teach 'em
Yet, ironically, I am the true fool for attempting to enlighten and educate them.
When the blinds leading the blind you cant reach 'em
When those who lack knowledge and understanding are trying to guide others, it becomes impossible to make them understand.
If niggas ain't as hungry as you then why feed 'em?
If individuals lack the same level of determination and ambition as you, why should you continue to invest time and energy in them?
Niggas ain't tryna be lead then why lead 'em?
If individuals don't want to be led or guided, why should you take on the responsibility of leading them?
Having big problems with your dogs, why breed em?
If you are constantly facing major issues with your close associates, why would you continue to involve yourself in their lives?
I'll keep my part up, keep my guard up
I will maintain my responsibilities and keep my defenses up.
Was like Thundercats but changed faster than Cheetara
We used to be a tight-knit group like the Thundercats, but you quickly changed and shifted allegiances, just like the character Cheetara.
This a small part of a larger issue
This situation is just a small piece of a much bigger problem.
Sometimes acceptance is so hard to get to
At times, it is extremely difficult to reach a point of accepting and coming to terms with things.
But we all equal, no one lower or above me
However, we are all equal, with no one being of lesser or greater worth than me.
I love my team just as much as they love me
I have the same amount of love and affection for my team as they have for me.
If not more
If anything, I might even love them more than they love me.
If I turn the knob we all going through the door, I ain't coming back for y'all
If I make a decision or take a new direction, we will all follow that path together, without any intention to return for anyone left behind.
The whole crew feel the same as me
The entire crew shares the same sentiments and emotions as I do.
How could you ignore something so plain to see?
How could you deliberately overlook something that is so blatantly obvious to everyone?
I'm being ignorant, that gets on my nerves every minute
I am intentionally disregarding the truth, and that aspect irritates me every single minute.
What's plain to some is really Burberry printed
What appears obvious to some is actually an intricately fabricated illusion, similar to Burberry's signature print.
Being so real sometimes is a slow kill
Being honest and genuine can sometimes cause a gradual and painful deterioration.
We was one squad, you broke out like Mike Scofield
We were a united and loyal group, but you broke away from us, just like the character Mike Scofield from the show 'Prison Break.'
I want fillet mignon, you want oatmeal
I desire and pursue the finest and most luxurious things, while you settle for simplicity and plainness like oatmeal.
Add up our differences equals up to no meal
When you combine our disparities, they result in a complete absence of any meaningful gain or benefit for either of us.
No mills, yup, no deal, why you gotta chase shit
No money or success, yeah, no agreement or arrangement. Why do you feel the need to continually pursue meaningless endeavors?
To know it's no thrills
To find out that there is no excitement or fulfillment in those pursuits.
For real, a nigga still beefin' with his baby momma (BUT!)
Seriously, I am still involved in conflicts and disputes with the mother of my child (BUT!)
Only thing my baby ain't a baby no more
The only difference is that my baby is no longer an infant and has grown up.
Hit her on MySpace, maybe she ain't shady no more
I messaged her on MySpace, hoping that she has matured and is no longer deceitful or untrustworthy.
Sent old girl a message, no reply but she read it
I sent a message to my past lover, but she never responded, although she did read it.
Some things are so embedded and our heads is
Some things become deeply ingrained in our minds and thoughts.
Looking for O's but get X's, dealing wit ya exes
Searching for opportunities and victories but instead encountering failures when dealing with your former partners.
I was one long line away from the Tetris
I was just one step away from achieving perfection or success, similar to completing a line of blocks in the game Tetris.
She sent me the L, that sent me to hell
She handed me a loss or defeat, which plunged me into a state of emotional torment and distress.
To the point where I was ignoring my son
To the extent that I was neglecting and disregarding my own child.
I don't see him, don't talk to him
I don't spend time with him or engage in conversations with him.
I don't greet him, don't walk wit' him
I don't even acknowledge him, walk alongside him, or accompany him.
But I pay for him like he's an object
However, I fulfill my financial obligations towards him as if he is merely a possession or commodity.
No matter how right I am, in court I can't object
Regardless of how justified or correct I may be, I have no power to object or challenge the decisions in court.
Dear Diary, how could she deny me?
Dear diary, how could she reject or refuse me?
How she go to bed without her fucking with her psyche?
How can she sleep at night without being bothered or affected by her actions and their impact on her mental well-being?
Is she wrong using him so I can come back? (or)
Is she guilty of using him as a manipulation tactic so that I would return to her? (or)
Or am I wrong for wishing I could get my cum back?
Or perhaps I am the one who is mistaken for desiring to retract and undo the act of conceiving a child?
Looking for sun, all I see is the hail
Searching for happiness and positivity, but all I encounter is harsh and unfavorable conditions.
How I'm gon' trust? All I see is betrayal
How can I possibly trust anyone when all I observe and experience is treachery and deceit?
It's like they keep trying more and more to subdue me
It feels as if they persistently and relentlessly attempt to suppress and overpower me.
And only you understand, signed by yours truly...
And you, dear diary, are the only one who truly comprehends my struggles and innermost thoughts.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
jerzyfam
my line forever "i got another side i never showed to you, a side where everybody is disposable, relationships are never a threat, cause i'll erase the history and act like we never met!"
Cheers Warehouse
Like
RAM
its sad but thats what happens when a hurt person deals with a problem.
Made you a cold person even tho it wasnt your fault. And you are quick to let go now with no love involved
servant
This got me thru my darkest time in life thank you joey
Miss C Brown
Same... Jus brought back a bag of memories jeeeeez
El masca Vidal
13 years later still listening .. Music is a time machine
Armand Holloway
years later. this song STILL speaks to me and gets me thru like therapy
D-Block
Bro, I'm here in 2023.
Tay
This is 1 of the dopest tracks that Joe Budden has ever done hands down, so many lines to live & learn by in life!!!!
MR BIGTIME44
Truly one of my favorite Joe Budden tracks ever. Awesome track man.