In the 1990s, Hogan sang with The Jody Grind, singing on their full-lengths… Read Full Bio ↴In the 1990s, Hogan sang with The Jody Grind, singing on their full-lengths One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure (1990) and Lefty's Deceiver (1992). The group disbanded after two of its members were killed in a car crash. She then co-founded the Rock*A*Teens, playing bass on the guitar and singing backup vocals. She appeared on their 1996 self-titled LP and the 1997 album Cry. Her debut solo record was released in 1996, which featured covers of songs by Will Oldham and Vic Chestnutt.

Hogan left the Rock*A*Teens after the release of Cry, and signed with Bloodshot Records, releasing two full-length albums in 2000-01. Among those appearing on the records were the Pine Valley Cosmonauts, Andrew Bird, and Edith Frost. In the 2000s she also collaborated with Neko Case, The Waco Brothers, The Minus 5, Nora O'Connor, The Wee Hairy Beasties, and others.

I Like to Keep Myself in Pain
Kelly Hogan Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

I like to keep myself in pain
Even when the sun is high
Shining on the olive trees
There’s still a shadow in my eyes

And that shadow must be yours
Falling all across the plains
I’ve got your wreckage in my heart, so

I like to keep myself in pain

In the quiet night I sleep
To the sweet cascading rain
Then your voices come to haunt me, so
I like to keep myself in pain

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Yeeeaaaahhhhhh

I like to keep myself in pain
It’s not conscious I just do
Must be something that I learned
From all my time with you

When people ask me where you are
I say don’t ask me that again
Even if I told the truth this time
I wouldn’t know how to begin

Pain’s the only thing you left me
If I let it go, then I don’t know who I am
In my own brain

It keeps me alive
Ooooh-oooh
It keeps me alive
Ooooh-oooh
It keeps me alive

So
I like to keep myself in pain

Overall Meaning

Kelly Hogan's song "I Like to Keep Myself in Pain" expresses the idea of willingly embracing pain, even when happiness and joy are present. Hogan mentions that even when the sun is shining bright, she still sees a shadow, and that shadow must be the person who has caused her pain. She acknowledges that she has their wreckage in her heart, and that's why she likes to keep herself in pain. The pain has become a part of her identity, and it's the only thing that keeps her feeling alive. Hogan's lyrics convey that the pain has become a comfort zone for her, and she is not ready to let it go.

Moreover, in the second part of the song, Hogan mentions that the pain comes back to haunt her in her sleep, and the voices of the person still haunt her. When people ask her where her former lover is, she remains silent because she cannot bear to speak the truth. Hogan realizes that the relationship has left her with nothing but pain. The pain has become her only possession, and if she lets it go, she doesn't know who she will be. It seems that the pain has become a way for her to hold on to the past relationship that has already ended.

Overall, the song reflects the complex emotions that come with heartbreak and the struggles that people face when trying to move on from the person they once loved.

Line by Line Meaning

I like to keep myself in pain
I have a tendency to stay in emotional pain

Even when the sun is high
Even when everything around me is going well

Shining on the olive trees
When everything around me is beautiful

There’s still a shadow in my eyes
I can't escape the sadness

And that shadow must be yours
You are the source of my pain

Falling all across the plains
Your memory is inescapable

I’ve got your wreckage in my heart, so
I still carry the emotional pain caused by you

In the quiet night I sleep
When I try to find solace in sleep

To the sweet cascading rain
Even in pleasant surroundings

Then your voices come to haunt me, so
Your memory still haunts me

It’s not conscious I just do
I don't intentionally want to stay in this pain