Moment
Merkules Lyrics

Suicidal like who am I, though
I feel suicidal but I don't even know who I am anymore

I fucking hate you that's my newest motto
I hate everything and everyone, that's my latest mindset

I can choose the change but I choosed the bottle
I had the option to change my life but I chose to drink instead

If I'll fall asleep I'll see a new tomorrow
If I fall asleep, maybe tomorrow will bring something different

'Cause you don't feel the pain that I've been feeling inside
You don't understand the pain I'm feeling inside

I'm fucking losing my mind
I feel like I'm going crazy

They're lookin' at me like I shot the Sheriff
People are judging me like I've done something terrible

'Cause I got too drunk and I'm not embarrassed
I got really drunk and I'm not even ashamed of it

But I've been depressed and that's not apparent
I've been struggling with depression but nobody notices

Unless I say it out loud, so they all can hear it
If I don't speak up, nobody will understand what I'm going through

And I don't wanna seem like all I want is attention
I don't want to come across as someone who just wants attention

You seem to think I'm pretendin' (not today)
You think I'm faking it, but not today

Now all I see is these shards of glass
All I can see now are broken pieces and damage

So I walk in the bar and I start a tab
I go to the bar and start a tab for more drinks

I got a soft soul but a hardened past
I have a sensitive nature but have gone through tough experiences

Tell the waiter upfront they can call me a cab
I tell the waiter to call me a cab so I can leave

I'm a hypocrite and insomniac
I'm a contradiction and can't sleep

I'm a piece of shit but I honor that
I might think I'm worthless but I still have some self-respect

I got mental problems and it's got me mad
I have mental health issues that make me angry

That you seem to think that they are not that bad
You don't understand the severity of my mental health issues

As I think they are
In my opinion, my mental health issues are serious

What kind of Cole is that?
What kind of support is that?

You don't know what it's like
You have no idea what I'm going through

You ain't thought to ask
You haven't even bothered to ask

But you ain't me and you never will be
You can't understand my perspective and experiences

The devil inside was sent to kill me
I feel like my inner demons are trying to destroy me

If you really care I expect the real thing
If you really care about me, I need genuine support

I feel they will never get the message
I don't think people will ever truly understand what I'm going through

Will they?
Will people ever truly understand me?

It's all good, I won't give up my hopes
I'm okay, I won't give up on my dreams

I 'm drunk as fuck but I think I'm sober
I'm really drunk but I feel like I'm okay

Feel like I might go crazy
I feel like I'm losing my mind

I must be the only one that feels this way (why?)
Why is it that I feel like nobody else understands?

Lock up all the doors, baby
I need to shut out the world

Disconnect the phone, baby
I need to disconnect from everything

Block out all the noise and I might be okay (I hope)
If I can just have some peace and quiet, maybe I'll feel better

Just let me have my moment (please)
Please let me have some time to myself

I really need my moment (please)
I really need some time to myself

I gotta have my moment (please)
I have to have some time to myself

I really need my moment
I need to be alone for a little while

I found a bottle back in grade seven
I started drinking when I was very young

A young desperado, I had to make effort
I felt like I had to rebel and be reckless

My foot's on the gas, not the break pedal
I'm not slowing down or stopping my bad habits

I just put on ice, so it tastes better, yeah
I put the alcohol on ice to make it easier to drink

I guess I'm just confused 'cause I see all the potential
I'm confused because I have potential but can't seem to use it

But lately I'm going mental (I don't know what to do)
But I feel like I'm going crazy and don't know what to do about it

Who would thought that I'd get this nervous?
Who would have thought that I'd be this anxious?

The life style that I leads not picture perfect
The lifestyle I'm living is far from perfect

The hear what I say but they miss the purpose
People hear what I'm saying but don't understand the bigger picture

Pour the shot in my glass 'til I hit the surface
Pour me another drink until I can't take it anymore

I hide it inside I should lift the curtains
I keep my struggles hidden, but maybe I should be more open

But today I just feel like a different person
Today I feel like someone completely different

I keep tellin' myself that it isn't urgent
I keep trying to convince myself that my problems aren't urgent

If you dig what I'm sayin' you should feel my words then
If you can relate to what I'm saying, you should really feel what I'm saying

It's obvious to me that I'm the root of the issue
I know that I am the cause of my own problems

Don't make me use it against you ('cause I will)
Don't make me use my issues against you, because I will

Cause when it back fire, it just disappear
When things go wrong, it feels like it's all gone

I'm way too anxious, I live in fear
I struggle with anxiety and live in a constant state of fear

I see it from a far and it's crystal clear
I can see my problems clearly from a distance

But know the objects closer than it appears
But once you're up close to them, the problems seem bigger and harder to handle

When I'm fucked up I feel okay
When I'm under the influence, I feel alright

But the next morning there's no way
But the next morning, reality sets in and I feel terrible

That I could feel good and it's so strange
It's strange that something that can make me feel so good can also make me feel so bad

So I do it all again and 'til it go away
So I keep using it as a solution until the problem goes away

I don't need friends, I got Jose
I don't need people in my life, I have alcohol

And it's in red cup and it's O.J
I mix my alcohol with orange juice and drink it out of a red cup

It is what it is, it will take a while
This is just the way things are and it will take time to change

So I shake these hands and I fake the smile
So I shake people's hands and pretend like everything's okay

I need a moment of silence
I need some time to be alone and reflect