Arrows
Mitch Hedberg Lyrics


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Hey I bought myself a parrot
The parrot talked but he did not say "I′m hungry"
So it died

I get a cold sore, I hate to say it Minnesota
But in a cold sore you put Carmex on it
Cause Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores
I don't know if it does help
But it will make them shiny and more noticeable
It′s like cold sore highlighter
Maybe they can come up with an arrow that heals cold sores

I fucking hate arrows man
That try to tell me what direction to go
It's like "fuck you, I'm not going that way
Line with two third of a triangle on the end"

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow, that would suck
A arrow killed you?
They would never solve the crime
"Look at that dead guy, lets go that way"

I like-I like to hold a microphone cord like this
I pinch it together, then I let it go
Then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once

I tried to walk into Target but I missed
I think the entrance of Target
Should have people splattered all around
Then when I finally walk in the guy says "Can I help you?"
"Just practicing"

Let me think now
Oh yeah, I hate dreaming
Because you know when you want to sleep
You want to sleep
Dreaming is work you know?
There I am laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room
It′s beautiful
Next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord

I want a dream of me watching myself sleep

Hey man, you know I went to the Home Depot the other day
Which was unnecessary
I need to go to the Apartment Depot




Just a big warehouse with people standing around saying
"Hey, we ain′t gotta fix shit"

Overall Meaning

In Mitch Hedberg's song "Arrows," the lyrics express a series of humorous and sometimes absurd observations about various topics. The first verse introduces a parrot that doesn't say "I'm hungry" and consequently dies, highlighting the comedic twist of expectation. The second verse discusses the use of Carmex for cold sores, noting its potential to make them more noticeable rather than heal them. Hedberg playfully suggests the idea of an arrow that could heal cold sores, further emphasizing the absurdity of the notion.


The following verse expresses Hedberg's disdain for arrows that dictate directions. He metaphorically compares the triangle-ended line on an arrow to a symbol of authority, challenging the notion that he should be told where to go. This notion is extended into an imagined scenario of being killed by an arrow, which Hedberg quips would make it difficult to solve the crime since arrows don't leave obvious evidence.


Hedberg then humorously describes how he holds a microphone cord, releasing jokes one after another, suggesting a rapid-fire delivery of punchlines. He moves on to an amusing description of missing the entrance to Target, proposing a macabre idea of people splattered around as a marker for the entrance. This notion adds to the irony and absurdity that underlies his comic style.


Continuing with his observations, Hedberg expresses his dislike of dreaming because it feels like work. He humorously juxtaposes the comfort of his hotel room with the unexpected task of building a go-kart with his ex-landlord, highlighting the unpredictable and sometimes nonsensical nature of dreams. Finally, Hedberg humorously muses about the need for an "Apartment Depot" where people don't have to fix anything, mocking the less-than-helpful experiences he has had at home improvement stores.


Overall, the lyrics of "Arrows" demonstrate Mitch Hedberg's dry, deadpan delivery style, his penchant for surreal and absurd observations, and his ability to find humor in everyday situations.


Line by Line Meaning

Hey I bought myself a parrot
I made the decision to purchase a parrot


The parrot talked but he did not say "I′m hungry"
However, the parrot did not communicate its hunger


So it died
As a result, the parrot perished


I get a cold sore, I hate to say it Minnesota
I must confess, Minnesota, that I develop cold sores


But in a cold sore you put Carmex on it
To treat a cold sore, applying Carmex is customary


Cause Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores
It is believed that Carmex can reduce the discomfort of cold sores


I don't know if it does help
However, I am uncertain of its effectiveness


But it will make them shiny and more noticeable
Yet, it does make them appear shiny and more conspicuous


It′s like cold sore highlighter
In a sense, it acts as a highlighter for cold sores


Maybe they can come up with an arrow that heals cold sores
Perhaps they can invent an arrow that has healing properties for cold sores


I fucking hate arrows man
Personally, I have a strong aversion towards arrows


That try to tell me what direction to go
Especially those that attempt to dictate my path


It's like "fuck you, I'm not going that way
It's almost as if they are being defiant, saying 'screw you, I won't follow that course'


Line with two third of a triangle on the end"
Referring to the symbol of an arrow, composed of a line and two-thirds of a triangle at its tip


Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow, that would suck
Just imagine the unfortunate scenario of losing one's life to a bow and arrow


A arrow killed you?
It would be perplexing to attribute one's demise to an arrow


They would never solve the crime
The investigation would likely struggle to solve such a crime


"Look at that dead guy, lets go that way"
Rather absurdly, it could result in investigators pointing at the deceased and suggesting a direction


I like-I like to hold a microphone cord like this
Personally, I enjoy grasping a microphone cord in this manner


I pinch it together, then I let it go
I bring it close, then release it


Then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once
The result of this action is an onslaught of jokes simultaneously


I tried to walk into Target but I missed
Upon attempting to enter Target, my aim was off


I think the entrance of Target
In my opinion, the entrance to Target


Should have people splattered all around
Ought to display individuals scattered in disarray


Then when I finally walk in the guy says "Can I help you?"
Subsequently, as I finally step inside, an employee greets me with the inquiry 'May I assist you?'


"Just practicing"
To which I coyly reply, 'Just honing my skills'


Let me think now
Allow me a moment for contemplation


Oh yeah, I hate dreaming
By the way, I have a strong distaste for dreaming


Because you know when you want to sleep
It is often the case that when you desire sleep


You want to sleep
You truly wish to enter a state of slumber


Dreaming is work you know?
However, dreaming requires effort


There I am laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room
Picture me, lying in comfort upon my hotel bed


It′s beautiful
The setting is quite magnificent


Next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord
Yet suddenly, I find myself obligated to construct a go-kart alongside my former landlord


I want a dream of me watching myself sleep
Instead, I desire a dream in which I observe myself in a state of slumber


Hey man, you know I went to the Home Depot the other day
Allow me to share, my friend, that recently I visited the Home Depot


Which was unnecessary
However, it proved to be a superfluous excursion


I need to go to the Apartment Depot
What I truly require is an establishment known as the Apartment Depot


Just a big warehouse with people standing around saying
Simply a vast warehouse inhabited by individuals idly gathered, uttering phrases


"Hey, we ain′t gotta fix shit"
Their common refrain being 'Hey, we are not obliged to repair anything'




Contributed by Nathan V. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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