The Homosexual
Momus Lyrics

I love women but I'm thinking of giving in
Despite being attracted to women, I am considering embracing my sexuality as a homosexual

I love women but what's the point of arguing
Although I am fond of women, it is not worth trying to convince the men who have called me homosexual throughout my life

With the men from boarding schools and building sites Who've told me I'm a homosexual all my life
I have been told that I am a homosexual by men who attended boarding schools or worked in construction for as long as I can remember

One stop past Embankment and the coughs begin Hell hath no fury like an insecure Englishman You don't need psychoanalysts to translate this 'There is an open homosexual in our midst'
Whenever I pass an area with specifically insecure Englishmen, they start to cough and clear their throats, revealing their discomfort with my homosexuality. There is no need to analyze it further since their coughs speak volumes

'The Homosexual' they call me It's all the same to me That specter they projected I will now pretend to be Since their neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse them I'll make love with their women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure Their husbands will never hear
People often refer to me as 'The Homosexual', but I am indifferent to their labels. I will continue pretending to be what they see as a specter, as their anxieties are considered normal. It does not bother me that I might be considered queer by others, as their inability to recognize homosexuality is comparable to how they think enjoying music is equivalent to being tone-deaf. Instead of correcting them, I will be intimate with their wives and make them sing with pleasure while their husbands remain oblivious

I love women but I take them by surprise Pretending absolute indifference to their breasts and thighs Like their hairdressers and dressmakers I hear confessionals Reserved for homosexual professionals
I still have a fondness for women but surprise them with my feigned lack of interest in their physical attributes. It is as if I am a hairdresser or dressmaker, allowing them to confide in me with secrets that are typically reserved for homosexual professionals

As I put their feet in stirrups with my limp wrist (A trick I learned from a homosexual gynecologist) I recall the words my first girlfriend ended our first date with "I feel privileged you chose me to go straight with"
When I am putting women's feet in stirrups, I often use my limp wrist, a technique that was taught to me by a homosexual gynecologist. I remember what my first girlfriend said after our first date, where she felt grateful that I chose to date her despite being of a different sexual orientation

You who called me shirt-lifter in Chemistry class You who sniggered "look out for your arse" Now your women wash your shirts, now your kids are born, baby, look out for your horns
To those who called me slurs like 'shirt-lifter' or made other derogatory comments towards me, I have a warning for you. Your wives now clean your clothes, and you have children to care for, so be careful not to commit infidelity

You who called me teapot, who plagued me with your bile Guess who I've got coming to the boil Why not grab the nettle I'll settle for being the kettle if you're the pot I take my tea like my revenge, sweet and hot
As for those who referred to me as 'teapot' and ridiculed me in other ways, be prepared to face my wrath. You will see my plan coming to fruition soon. I will accept the role of the kettle as long as you are the pot. My revenge will be delivered like a cup of tea, both sweet and hot

'The Homosexual' you call me It's all the same to me That spectre you projected I will now pretend to be Since your neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since your tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse you I'll make love with your women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure That you will never hear Never in a million years No fucking fear
To those who continue to call me 'The Homosexual', I am unfazed by your inaccurate label. I will continue to pose as the spectre that you imagined me to be, as you consider your anxieties as normal. Even if you consider me queer or gay, in effect laying out your tone-deafness, which you incorrectly call the love of music, I won't say anything. I won't stop being intimate with your wives and will make them sing songs of pleasure, which you will never witness. It doesn't scare me, not in a million years