Closure
Murdock Lyrics

It hits you the first time you ever fall in love
The feeling of falling in love is incomparable.

She expands my higher consciousness, you rose my up above
She helped me grow and showed me my true potential.

Like the fro that I rock, I felt so ashamed of
Like my hairstyle, I was self-conscious about showing my true self.

You told me embrace my beauty, show off who I really was
You encouraged me to embrace my true self and be proud of it.

A journey to feminism, a newfound respect for women
Through you, I learned about feminism and developed a newfound respect for women.

Always had but not the genitalia to stand up and fight with em
I always had respect for women but lacked the experience to fully understand their struggles.

I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I suffer from madness
I apologize for my mistakes and past behavior.

Mom and Pops made one of the baddest women up on this planet
My parents raised a remarkable woman, who is you.

But granted, met you on campus, thought you was cute
When we first met on campus, I thought you were attractive.

Didn't expect that senior year you'd end up on my mattress
I didn't expect that we would end up together in our senior year.

Making love then sharing secrets, dialogue was so candid
We shared intimate moments and had honest conversations.

Holding me calming me down, when my tics were bad or I'm anxious
You comforted and supported me during my difficult times.

Staring at you sleeping through the night: Perfection on canvas
Watching you sleep felt like a work of art, perfect in every way.

And then Poof! Your pillow's empty and the night fades to blackness
You were suddenly gone, and it felt like everything turned dark.

No time to batten the hatches, destruction happened to Athens
There was no time to brace ourselves before everything fell apart.

I must submit to the sadness, knowing what we had turned to ashes
I must accept the sadness of what our relationship has become.

So I drank and I smoked
I turned to alcohol and smoking as a coping mechanism.

So I found my own way to cope with everything
I found my own way to deal with my emotions and situation.

But the thing was, I wasn't even moving forward
I wasn't making any progress in my life or healing from the breakup.

Instead I was standing there. Completely. Still
I was stuck and not moving forward in any aspect of my life.

Now it's been months and you must think I'm out of my mind
It's been months since we broke up, and you might think I'm crazy.

But I swear that I'm trying, till these new excuses I find
I'm doing my best, but I keep finding new excuses for my behavior.

Of a young dumb stoner that met a fun alumn persona
I was young and foolish when I met you, and you were a fun and experienced person.

Tested me in ways much harder than earning my diploma
Being with you challenged me more than getting a degree ever could.

I admit I was distracted through the plays that I acted
I admit that I was not fully present in our relationship.

Thought a day off inactive, meant from the plans you'd be subtracted
I thought it was okay to take time off from our relationship and plans, but I was wrong.

I'm ashamed of senior when I just took for granted
I regret taking our senior year for granted and not fully appreciating it.

You're ten steps ahead of the game would have thought you just planned it
You were always ahead of the game, and it seemed like you had everything planned out.

GODDAMN IT
An expression of frustration and regret.

The errors I made, I can't stand it, but we're both guilty, I preferred manic than stranded
I can't handle the mistakes I made, but I know we're both at fault. I'd rather be manic than alone.

I panic, the thought of my life without my companion's now canon
The thought of living my life without you as my companion is terrifyingly real.

The thought I fucked up with my soulmate's one I can't even fathom
The realization that I may have lost my soulmate is unfathomable to me.

Can you imagine: You had them, loosened up your grasp
Can you imagine having someone you love but losing them because you let them slip away?

And let them slip away cause you're too busy sitting on your ass
You lose the person you love when you neglect them and take them for granted.

But I knew something was wrong cause I had an internal clash
I knew something was not right because of the conflict within myself.

It was all new to me, I went from 0-100 fast and I crashed
Our relationship was new to me, and I dove in too quickly and eventually crashed.

And it seemed like everything in my life at that moment had shattered all at once
Everything in my life seemed to fall apart at once during our breakup.

But I've been picking up every single piece since
I've been slowly picking up the pieces and rebuilding my life.

Cause I got shit to do
I have things to accomplish and goals to achieve.

Now it's over a year later and I'm back on your facebook
It has been over a year since our breakup, and I'm now checking your social media.

Getting over you how long this case took
It took me a long time to get over you.

The magnitude was off the scales when this heartbreak shook
When we broke up, it was a heartbreak of monumental proportions.

So I remind myself one last time how your face look
I try to remember your face one last time as a way of closure.

I swear my heart still skips a beat, you show up on my newsfeed
I still feel a twinge of emotion when I see you on social media.

The memories they flood my head so quick and so profusely
Memories of our relationship come flooding back to me intensely.

Everything was going smoothly, every week we grabbin' sushi
Our relationship was going well, and we had our weekly sushi dates.

We'd go back to theatre days and make drama our duty
We reminisced about our theatre days and made drama our shared passion.

Nothing but broken expectations, yelling starts so rudely
Our relationship only ended up in shattered expectations and frequent arguments.

But did we both say things we regret? Oh absolutely
Both of us said things we regret during our arguments.

But I never let anybody else in that deep
I never let anyone else get as close to me as you did.

So it wasn't just you who then met the true me
You weren't the only one who saw my true self.

But truthfully by the end I couldn't stand what I saw
Towards the end of our relationship, I couldn't tolerate my own behavior and actions.

How could passion so raw make us say things so wrong
Our strong passion for each other led us to say hurtful things.

When it was done I begun the journey to the man I must become
After our breakup, I started the journey of self-improvement and self-discovery.

While also trying to live it up, I'm young and trying to have some fun
I balanced my self-improvement journey with having fun and enjoying my youth.

And I'm moving forward everyday my life has gotten better
I'm making progress and moving forward with my life, and it's getting better.

And I wish the same for you cause it seems like it's not when we're together
I hope you're also making progress and moving forward because it seemed like we were stagnant together.

So as we go our separate ways to journey on our adventures
We're going our separate ways to embark on our own personal adventures in life.

The thought enters to live my life with myself in the center
I realize that in order to move forward and be happy, I need to prioritize my own well-being.

Because it's time for me right now it's time for me
It's time for me to focus on myself and my own happiness.

It's time for me right now it's time for me right now
I need to prioritize myself and my own well-being in this moment.