If Only
Mynameisrjay Lyrics

stuck in my head, feelin like death
Feeling trapped and overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions, experiencing deep pain and emptiness.

was just tryna be perfect whenever you left
I was constantly striving to be flawless whenever you walked away, hoping it would make you stay.

but i guess it aint work cause im lying alone
Unfortunately, my efforts to be perfect were futile as I now find myself alone, living in a state of deception.

room is so empty, aint here in my home
The physical space around me feels void and lifeless, devoid of your presence, making it no longer feel like home.

if we're being honest our story was tragic
To be truthful, our love story was filled with sorrow and misfortune.

i wrote you that song now i wish it was static
The song I composed for you now carries a sense of regret, longing for the lyrics to remain unchanged and unaltered.

cause im missing you when im off of the brandy
When I consume alcohol, particularly brandy, I find myself yearning for your presence, feeling the pain of your absence more intensely.

im feeling depressed god this shits so traumatic
Depression has overtaken me, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and shaken by the intense emotional turmoil I am experiencing.

honestly i dont know what to expect
In all honesty, I am uncertain of what the future holds or what outcomes to anticipate.

reached for my heart, ripped it out from my chest
Metaphorically, I bravely attempted to retrieve my vulnerable heart, only to painfully tear it apart from within my own chest.

i hate that you hate me, i hate that i love you
I despise the fact that you harbor feelings of animosity towards me, while simultaneously hating myself for still having affection towards you.

i hate that the last time i kissed you i hugged you
It pains me to acknowledge that our final act of physical affection was a kiss, which I spontaneously followed with a warm embrace.

we had a bond, i can never replace it
The connection we shared was unique and irreplaceable, something I can never replicate or find elsewhere.

gave you my heart, i guess i was complacent
I entrusted you with my entire heart, naively assuming that our love would endure, but now realizing my own complacency in the relationship's downfall.

we shared that kiss on that bridge in new jersey
There exists a cherished memory of us sharing a significant kiss on a bridge located in New Jersey.

you put your hand on my face said dont worry
During that moment, you tenderly touched my face and reassured me, urging me not to be troubled or anxious.

i said i loved you you said you too
I confessed my love for you, and in response, you reciprocated those same emotions.

my demons inside even thought it was true
Despite the presence of my inner demons, they were momentarily convinced that our love was genuine and sincere.

guess i was wrong, i know i shoulda known
I admit my mistake in incorrectly assuming the truthfulness of our love, realizing that I should have been aware of the signs.

if you were my queen, had to give up my throne
If you were to be my queen, I would willingly relinquish my own personal power and status, symbolized by my throne.

im fallin down inside of a spiral, you waiting for me so i could go viral
I am spiraling into a state of self-destruction and despair, while you eagerly anticipate my downfall in hopes of gaining attention and popularity.

off of the lyrics i make from this heartbreak
Taking inspiration from the pain of heartbreak, I craft lyrics that resonate with others, potentially leading to success.

you just want me to just die from this heartache
Your desire is for me to suffer and perish due to the overwhelming anguish caused by this heartache.

im getting restless im feelin the hurt
Restlessness consumes me, intensifying the emotional pain I am currently experiencing.

pour it all down my throat why wont it burn
I desperately consume substances, hoping they will numb the pain, yet they fail to provide the desired sense of relief.

i wrote you this song in case you wonder how i feel
I penned this song as a means of expressing my emotions, ensuring that you are aware of the depth of my feelings.

now its all up to me to to get me out of here
I am burdened with the responsibility of finding a way to free myself from this emotional entrapment and move forward.

i know i dont love you but i still miss you
Although I am aware that I no longer possess love for you, I cannot deny the lingering presence of longing and nostalgia.

if im gonna write this song just know id still kiss you
When composing this song, it is important for you to understand that deep down, I would still be willing to share a kiss with you.

if only i said im in love with you first
Regretfully, if I had only mustered the courage to confess my love for you before anyone else, perhaps our circumstances would be different.

you wouldnt have left me all covered in dirt
As a result, you likely would not have abandoned me, leaving me feeling metaphorically buried and emotionally shattered.

if only i told you the truth of it all
Had I simply been honest and transparent about my feelings from the beginning, the outcome may have been entirely different.

you wouldnt have left me alone to just fall
You would have spared me from the pain of being utterly alone, left to experience a devastating emotional descent.

i knew you would leave one day
Deep down, I possessed an understanding that eventually, you would depart from my life.

that day i was dreadin it
That specific day, I found myself anticipating and fearing its arrival, dreading the moment when you would inevitably leave.

i knew you would see one day
I had a foreknowledge that at some point, you would come to a realization and understanding.

it'd be you who was endin it
Inevitably, it would be you who ultimately decided to bring an end to our relationship.

now that you're gone, now that its over
Now that you have departed and our love has officially concluded, I am left to navigate the aftermath and face the reality of your absence.

i have too many problems like tryna stay sober
In addition to the heartache, I am faced with numerous personal issues, including the struggle to maintain sobriety.

its almost our season, the snow is arriving
The season that held significance for us is swiftly approaching, as indicated by the arrival of snow, symbolizing change and the passing of time.

the leaves are now changing, just like the horizon
Much like the changing of leaves, the landscape around us transforms, mirroring the shifting nature of our relationship.

kiss in the park i miss how it was
I long for the simplicity and joy of sharing a kiss with you in the park, reminiscing about the way things used to be.

rather do that than tryna get buzzed
I would much prefer reliving those cherished moments than attempting to escape reality through substance-induced intoxication.

i felt so in love, it became like a habit
My love for you was all-encompassing, to the point where it became ingrained in my daily routine and actions, akin to a habit.

and then when we stopped it just felt so tramautic
Following the cessation of our love, the abrupt ending left me feeling deeply wounded and traumatized.