Patience
Nicholls Sheila Lyrics
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I don't want to hurt you
Reflex to old imprinting
Your eyes are squinting
And it seems
I'm not what you wanted me to be
Now I know I'm not what I said that I was
I just wanted this to be true
But you deserve someone more innocent
I searched for reasons to it
Four seasons through it
You came quite unexpected
So unprotected
And it seems I'm not what you wanted me to be
Now I know I'm not what I said that I was
I just wanted this to be true
I'm not sure where I went
But you deserve someone more innocent
I'll just prove to myself
That I cannot be trusted
Maybe I'm too much like my father
And if you knew him you would know he's still searching for his mother
And every other but mine
Whatever is still searching in him
Is still searching in me
'cause I'm still looking for here
Albeit vicariously
We spoke with such conviction
Imprisoned freedom
The song Patience by Nicholls Sheila is a heart-wrenching piece that delves into themes such as dishonesty, insecurity, and human frailty. From the beginning of the song, we see the singer acknowledging that being patient is a silent virtue, but they fear they might not be able to embody it because they don't want to hurt the other person. This fear stems from old patterns of behavior that might have caused harm in the past.
With the lines "And it seems I'm not what you wanted me to be, Now I know I'm not what I said that I was," the singer realizes that they might have misrepresented themselves, either intentionally or not, and that they may not be who their partner expected them to be. This realization leads them to believe that they are not innocent enough for the other person and that the other person deserves better.
The last stanza delves further into the singer's psyche, revealing the root of their behavior. They believe that they cannot be trusted because they might be too much like their father, who is still searching for his mother, causing an endless cycle of searching for something that might not be attainable. The singer sees themselves as prisoners of their own beliefs and convictions, unable to express themselves honestly.
Line by Line Meaning
A silent virtue
Being patient is a commendable quality, though it often goes unnoticed and unadmired.
I don't want to hurt you
I am aware of the possibility that my words or actions may cause you pain, and I am hesitant to do so.
Reflex to old imprinting
I have learned certain behaviors or attitudes from past experiences, and sometimes I react to situations without conscious thought.
Your eyes are squinting
I perceive a negative reaction from you, such as confusion or skepticism, that is reflected in your facial expression.
And it seems
I'm not what you wanted me to be
From your reaction, I infer that you had certain expectations or assumptions about me that I have failed to meet.
Now I know I'm not what I said that I was
I realize that I may have misrepresented myself or given false impressions about who I am or what I want.
I just wanted this to be true
I hoped that this situation or relationship would turn out in a positive way, but am aware that reality may not match my expectations.
I'm not sure where I went
But you deserve someone more innocent
I am uncertain about how I have ended up in this situation, but recognize that you deserve someone better or more pure than me.
I searched for reasons to it
Four seasons through it
I have tried to understand the situation or relationship, analyzing it over time, including different seasons or periods of life.
You came quite unexpected
So unprotected
I was taken by surprise by your arrival or presence, and felt vulnerable or exposed in some way.
I'll just prove to myself
That I cannot be trusted
Based on my past experiences, I am convinced that I am not reliable or trustworthy, and I do not want to disappoint you.
Maybe I'm too much like my father
And if you knew him you would know he's still searching for his mother
And every other but mine
Whatever is still searching in him
Is still searching in me
I see similarities between myself and my father, who has unresolved issues or traumas related to his childhood or family relationships, and these issues may be affecting me as well.
'cause I'm still looking for here
Albeit vicariously
I am still seeking something or someone that may not exist in reality, and may be living this search indirectly or through others.
We spoke with such conviction
Imprisoned freedom
We talked confidently and enthusiastically about our hopes and dreams, but now I feel trapped or constrained somehow.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
Written by: JUSTIN NICHOLLS
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind