Master Of The House
Original Motion Picture Soundtrack - Les Misérables Lyrics

My band of soaks, my den of dissolutes
The group of people I associate with are heavy drinkers and morally corrupt.

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts
I constantly tell vulgar jokes and my friends are always heavily intoxicated.

My sons of whores (no, no, no, no not tonight) spend their lives in my inn
The people who frequent my establishment are promiscuous and engage in questionable activities on a regular basis.

Homing pigeons homing in
These people always find their way back to my inn.

They fly through my doors
They come into my inn swiftly and without hesitation.

And they crawl out on all fours
They leave my inn in a drunken and humiliated state.

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
Hello, sir, please take a seat.

And meet the best innkeeper in town
You have the pleasure of meeting the most exceptional innkeeper in this city.

As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Regarding the others, they are all dishonest individuals.

Rooking their guests and cooking the books
They deceive and cheat their clients, while also engaging in fraudulent accounting practices.

Seldom do you see
It is rare to encounter

Honest men like me
Individuals who possess integrity such as myself

A gent of good intent
A man with good motives

Who's content to be
Who is satisfied with being

Master of the house, doling out the charm
I am the master of this establishment and I distribute my charm freely.

Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Always prepared to greet others with a handshake and a generous gesture.

Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
I enjoy sharing scandalous stories that create a small commotion.

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
The patrons of this inn admire a person who knows how to enjoy life.

Glad to do a friend a favor
I am delighted to assist a friend.

Doesn't cost me to be nice
Being polite does not come at a cost to me.

But nothing gets you nothing
However, one does not receive anything without giving something in return.

Everything has got a little price!
In reality, everything comes with a small cost!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
As the owner of this establishment, I am responsible for managing a chaotic and unruly environment.

Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Always prepared to cheat my customers out of a small amount of money.

Watering the wine, making up the weight
Diluting the wine and adding substances to increase its volume.

Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Taking advantage of their impaired judgment to steal their belongings.

Everybody loves a landlord
It is universally preferred to have a good relationship with the person who owns the property you reside in.

Everybody's bosom friend
I am seen as a close and trusted companion by everyone.

I do whatever pleases
I always act in a manner that brings satisfaction

Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
My, oh my, won't I exploit them to the fullest extent when the time comes!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
I am the master of this establishment and I am quick to grab your attention

Never was a passerby to pass him by
No one can pass by without noticing me.

Servant to the poor, butler to the great
I cater to the needs of the impoverished and serve the wealthy.

Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
I provide comfort and wisdom to those in need, and I remain a loyal companion throughout their lives.

Everybody's boon companion
I am a dear and treasured companion to all.

Everybody's chaperone
I am trusted to accompany and guide everyone.

But lock up your valises
However, be sure to secure your suitcases and belongings

Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
My goodness! Won't I exploit you to the fullest extent!

Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
The quality of the food I serve is unparalleled and astonishing.

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
I blend various ingredients together and falsely present it as beef.

Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
I incorporate the organs of a horse and a cat into my dishes.

Filling up the sausages with this and that
I stuff the sausages with a mixture of different ingredients.

Residents are more than welcome
The people living here are more than invited to dine with us.

Bridal suite is occupied
Our suite designated for newlyweds is currently being used.

Reasonable charges
Our prices are fair and just.

Plus some little extras on the side!
And, of course, there are additional charges for certain extras!

(Oh Santa!)
(Expressed exclamation of surprise or disbelief)

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
We charge our guests for the lice infestation and an additional fee for the presence of mice.

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice (Hand it over!)
If a guest dares to glance at themselves in the mirror more than once, we add a two percent charge to their bill.

Here a little slice, there a little cut
We find ways to subtly add charges here and there.

Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
If a guest prefers to sleep with the window closed, we impose an extra three percent charge.

When it comes to fixing prices
When it comes to determining the costs

There are a lot of tricks I knows
I am well-versed in numerous tactics and techniques.

How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
It is astonishing how the charges accumulate, bit by bit, for every small component.

Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
Good heavens! It is truly remarkable how the expenses multiply!

(Oh, sorry love Must get something done about that)
(Apology and acknowledgment for a minor inconvenience)

I used to dream that I would meet a prince
In the past, I had aspirations of encountering a wealthy and noble suitor.

But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
However, my goodness, have you witnessed what has transpired since then?

Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit!
The so-called master of this establishment is not worthy of my disdain.

Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit!
Rather, he portrays himself as a consoling figure, a wise thinker, but he is truly a despicable individual!

Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
He possesses a clever yet deceiving mind, much like the renowned philosopher Voltaire.

Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there
He believes himself to be an exceptional lover, but, in reality, there is not much substance to his claims.

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
What an unfortunate twist of fate resulted in me being burdened with such a contemptible man!

God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!
Only God is aware of how I have endured living with this wretched individual in this household!

Master of the house!
Supposed master of this establishment!

Master and a half!
A master of sorts but not truly deserving of the title!

Comforter, philosopher
So-called consoling figure and thinker

Don't make me laugh!
Do not make me laugh at such a ludicrous notion!

Servant to the poor, butler to the great
He presents himself as a helper to the less fortunate and servant to the wealthy

Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
However, in reality, he is a hypocrite, a sycophant, and constantly intoxicated!

Everybody bless the landlord!
Everyone praises the landlord!

Everybody bless his spouse!
Everyone extends their blessings to his wife!

Everybody raise a glass
Everyone should lift their glasses

Raise it up the master's arse
And direct their toast towards the master's rear end

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!
Let's all raise a glass in honor of the supposed master of this establishment!