I'm Alive
Pouya Lyrics

My life is a rollercoaster of emotions
My life is constantly changing and filled with ups and downs.

Home is with you and without you I feel like I'm homeless, hopeless
You are my home, without you I feel lost and hopeless.

Don't miss out on my love
Do not let my love go to waste and miss the opportunity to have it in your life.

Holdin' grudges never got me nowhere, so I let it all go
Holding onto anger and resentment has never helped me, so I choose to let go and forgive.

If I can't love myself how the fuck do I love someone else?
If I do not love and accept myself, how can I possibly love and accept someone else?

But I know I want you
I am certain that I want you in my life.

Never been the one to beat around the bush
I have always been straightforward and honest in my communication.

So do you want me too?
Do you also want me?

Every day closer to my casket
Every day brings me closer to death.

Time wasted waitin', debatin' on you, but savin' my breath
I have spent too much time debating whether or not to pursue you, but I am saving my breath for something more worthwhile.

Communicatin' late nights when I'm up pacin' back and forth (Yeah, yeah)
I find myself communicating with you late at night while I am restless and unable to sleep.

Baby, you don't wanna be mine?
Do you not want to be in a relationship with me?

Then why you calling me all the time?
Why do you continue to call me if you do not want to be with me?

Playin' with my mind
You are toying with my emotions and thoughts.

Takin' advantage, knowin' that I'm fragile (Yeah, yeah)
You are taking advantage of my vulnerability, knowing that I am fragile.

Well-spoken, but I'm broken
I might sound articulate, but I am broken inside.

Hopin' you would not leave my heart frozen
I am hoping that you will not break my heart and leave me feeling cold and alone.

Feel like I'm close to explodin'
I feel like I am on the verge of exploding emotionally.

Floatin' through the rivers and the oceans 'til I'm gone
I feel like I am drifting aimlessly through life until I am no longer alive.

I'm alive, I'm a liar, I'ma die never lovin' myself, yeah, yeah
I am alive but I am not being truthful with myself and I will die without truly loving and accepting myself.

I'ma ride with my baby girl Nina tucked under my belt
I will continue to carry my gun, named Nina, with me everywhere I go.

You know I just wanna get by, don't wanna feel nothin' inside
I just want to survive without feeling any intense emotions.

Swallow my pride, let that bitch ride
I am putting my pride aside and letting my gun, Nina, be my protector.

Let her get high, let her get all of me, yeah
I will allow myself to be consumed by my gun and its power.

I can't have no artificial love
I am unable to settle for fake love that is not genuine.

I need that real, genuine love above anything
Above all else, I desire authentic and real love.

Baby, you fuckin' with a trust fund baby fuckboy that never been through a thing
You are dealing with a privileged and inexperienced man.

And I felt pain I never wanted to feel
I have experienced pain that I never wanted to endure.

And I seen things I never wanted to see
I have witnessed things that I never wanted to witness.

And I just want someone to want me to be me
I just want someone to accept and love me for who I truly am.

Balls deep in a bitch like
Having sex with someone without any emotional attachment.

I got what you need, baby, leave it to me
I am confident that I can satisfy you sexually.

You'll see what I mean when you give me the time
You will understand what I am capable of when you spend time with me.

Mind corrupted from my past
My mind is tainted by my past experiences.

I get into it knowin' it won't last
I engage in relationships knowing that they will not be long-lasting.

But I'm codependent
I have a tendency to rely heavily on others for emotional support.

Baby Bone can't be alone
I struggle with being alone and need someone to be with me.

Panic attacks at home so where do I go now?
I experience panic attacks when I am alone at home, so I do not know where to turn to for help.

The lone wolf left his comfort zone
I have stepped out of my comfort zone and am trying to be more independent.

And opened up the door for whores to let it run its course
My newfound independence has led to me engaging in promiscuous behavior.

Of course I know love is torture
I am aware that love can be painful and difficult to endure.

Never been known to do what I'm supposed to
I have a tendency to go against what is expected of me.

So I left it all
I have abandoned everything to focus on pursuing a relationship with you.

Invested all my time in you
I have devoted all of my time to being with you.

Before I knew if it was mutual
I committed to the relationship before I knew if you felt the same way.

Please don't give me a reason to leave, I need ya, ya
I am relying heavily on you to stay with me and not give me a reason to end the relationship.

And I know I can't keep up with ya
I know that I cannot keep up with your expectations.

Guess I really gotta give up on ya, ya, ya
I have come to the realization that I need to let go of the relationship and move on.