The Everclear Song
Roger Creager Lyrics

Everyday in lunch in high school,
During my high school years, I had everclear mixed with Coca-Cola for lunch every day.

And all of my senior year,
This continued throughout my senior year.

I'd drink my Coca-Cola with a touch of everclear.
I added a small amount of everclear to my Coca-Cola.

I never had to study math, science or history,
With everclear, I didn't have to study to remember things related to math, science or history.

I'd have a chemical flashback to jog my memory.
Drinking everclear caused me to have vivid flashbacks which allowed me to remember things easily.

In my junior year I swore I loved sweet Miss Sherrie-Ann,
During my junior year, I was convinced that I was in love with Sherrie-Ann.

One night I put some everclear in her Dr. Pepper can.
I added everclear to her Dr. Pepper can.

I thought it'd make her easy, but she took it pretty hard,
I believed that the everclear would make her more receptive, but she didn't take it well.

I took her home and rang her doorbell, left her lyin' in the yard.
I left her lying in the yard after taking her home and ringing her doorbell.

Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Tequila causes me to be dehydrated while beer causes me to gain weight.

Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
Whiskey causes me to feel nauseous, making it a useless drink for me.

If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
If you're considering a drink, then everclear is certainly the way to go.

Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.
This invisible intoxicating agent is everclear.

I remember my church picnic in the spring of '89,
I have a distinct memory of my church picnic back in the spring of '89.

They had 4 fresh watermelon sliced right off the vine.
There were four fresh watermelons cut directly from the vine.

When they bowed their heads giving grace for the food,
As everyone bowed their heads to give thanks, I had other plans.

Hey, I pulled out the bottle, and I soaked them melons good.
I pulled out the everclear bottle and added it generously to the watermelons.

Well they never knew what hit 'em, when the potion went to work,
No one realized what happened when the everclear took effect.

They had Grandma's doin' backflips, Grandpa's lookin' up their skirts.
The everclear caused grandmothers to do backflips and grandfathers to look up skirts.

They were singing Hallelujah and Willie Nelson songs,
People started singing religious and country songs.

Preacher said it was the best dang picnic,
The preacher declared that it was the best picnic ever.

That the baptists had ever thrown.
No Baptist group had ever thrown a picnic as great as that one.

When I'm drinkin' everclear, I think I'm king of this whole world,
Under the influence of everclear, I feel invincible like a king.

I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne and cooler than Steve Earle.
Under the influence of everclear, I feel bigger and cooler than John Wayne and Steve Earle combined.

Until I wake up and I'm face down in the hall,
Eventually, I wake up face down in the hall.

Hey, I'm completely naked, for a reason I can't recall.
I can't remember why, but I wake up completely naked.

Well I'm kinda, sorta thinkin' that maybe I met a chick,
I have a vague thought that I might have met a girl.

'Cause there's perfume in the air, and there's lipstick on my neck.
There is perfume scent in the room and lipstick residue on my neck.

Well I hope that she was pretty and I hope that she was kind,
I hope that she was both beautiful and kind-hearted.

Enough to leave my clothes somewhere they're easy to find.
I hope she left my clothes in an easily accessible location.