After several albums on Metal Blade Records, Sacred Reich signed to Hollywood Records for a short stint, but later returned to Metal Blade to continue their musical career. After breaking up in 2000, the band announced in November 2006 they would play several shows in the summer of 2007 in Europe, including Wacken Open Air.
Throughout its 37-year career (with the exception of a hiatus from 2000 to 2006), Sacred Reich has performed live globally, including playing at clubs, theaters, arenas and festivals. They have performed alongside numerous acts such as Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Megadeth, Slayer, Motörhead, Sepultura, Pantera, Exodus, Testament, Anthrax, Flotsam and Jetsam, Dark Angel, Accept, Napalm Death, Obituary, D.R.I, Vio-lence, Forbidden, Holy Moses, Forced Entry, Gwar, Suicidal Tendencies, Iron Reagan, Overkill, Kreator, Destruction, Corrosion of Conformity, Queensrÿche, King Diamond, Municipal Waste, the Cro-Mags, Sick of It All, Excel, Atrophy, Heathen, Armored Saint, Nuclear Assault, the Crumbsuckers, M.O.D., Agnostic Front, Death Angel, Onslaught, Xentrix, Coroner, Danzig, Crowbar, Viking, Evildead, Savatage, Trouble, Cathedral and Omen.
Former drummer Dave McClain went on to join Machine Head in 1995. Lead guitarist Wiley Arnett went on to form The Human Condition with St. Madness vocalist Prophet in July 2000.
The band also contributed the Black Sabbath cover "Sweet Leaf" to the Hempilation: Freedom Is NORML compilation album to benefit NORML, and the Subhumans cover "The Big Picture" appears as the B-side of the "Open Book" promotional single. A three disk boxed set with remastered versions of Ignorance and Surf Nicaragua with additional bonus material, including the "Draining You of Life" demo tape and a live DVD, was released in Europe only in the summer of 2007 by Metal Blade Records. In the spring of 2017, the band announced their first North American tour in 21 years.
In January 2018, Sacred Reich signed to Metal Blade Records and began working on their fifth studio album, Awakening, which was released on August 23, 2019. It is the band's first full-length studio album since 1996's Heal, and their first since drummer Dave McClain and guitarist Joey Radziwill replaced founding members Greg Hall and Jason Rainey respectively.
Founding member and former guitarist Jason Rainey died on March 16, 2020, at the age of 53 from an apparent heart attack.
Full Wikipedia article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Reich
Studio albums
Ignorance (1987)
The American Way (1990)
Independent (1993)
Heal (1996)
Awakening (2019)
Crimes Against Humanity
Sacred Reich Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
The masses air becomes thicker than the water we drink people unaware
Of the spread of disease smoke fills the sky and the sun disappears rain
From above is like acid filled tears the fragile balance of sky and earth
Has been altered forever harmony disturbed
Towering temples of modernization megatropolis monument to
Civilization pollution and waste is direct indication to the growing
Rain from above is like acid filled tears the fragile balance of sky and
Earth has been altered forever harmony disturbed
What will it take to make us see these are crimes against humanity not
Only you, not only me but even our future society these are crimes against
Humanity
Pain and suffering are what can be found violence and hatred are what
Abound building the weapons that we can't use can't we see they have
Only one use we need more compassion not more war planes are we so
Blind uncaring insane brought into this world with nothing and with
Nothing we're destined to depart
What will it take to make us see these are crimes against humanity not
Only you, not only me but even our future society these are crimes against
Humanity
Crimes against humanity
The lyrics of "Crimes Against Humanity" by Sacred Reich express deep concerns about the impact of industrialization, pollution and warfare on human civilization. The song portrays a dystopian world where toxins, pollutants, and poisonous gases have taken their toll on the masses without prior notice. Air becomes thicker than water, and people are unaware of the spread of diseases. Smoke fills the sky and the sun disappears, and rain from above is like acid-filled tears. The fragile balance of sky and earth has been altered forever, and harmony is disturbed.
The towering temples of modernization are depicted as monuments to civilization, but pollution and waste are direct indications of the growing problem of the world's situation. The song argues that these are crimes against humanity and that they affect not only the present generation but also the future. The lyrics call for more compassion and less warfare and emphasize that we are brought into this world with nothing and destined to depart with nothing.
Line by Line Meaning
Toxins, pollutants and poisonous gasses without notice take their toll on
Dangerous chemicals and gases are affecting us without us realizing, causing harm
The masses air becomes thicker than the water we drink people unaware
The air we breathe is becoming polluted like water, but people are oblivious to it
Of the spread of disease smoke fills the sky and the sun disappears rain
Smoke and pollution are creating a dark environment and acid rain, contributing to disease
From above is like acid filled tears the fragile balance of sky and earth
The acid rain is like tears because it is destroying the balance of the environment
Has been altered forever harmony disturbed
This disruption has permanently affected the balance and harmony of Earth
Towering temples of modernization megatropolis monument to
The huge cities of modernization are like towering monuments to civilization
Civilization pollution and waste is direct indication to the growing
The pollution and waste of civilization is a sign of how much we are growing and developing
Problem of the world's situation smoke fills the sky the sun disappears
The global issue that we are facing is evident in the dark and smoggy environment
What will it take to make us see these are crimes against humanity not
We need to realize that these issues are not only affecting us, but also future generations
Only you, not only me but even our future society these are crimes against
These are not individual problems, but issues that affect all of us and the world
Humanity Pain and suffering are what can be found violence and hatred are what
The negative consequences of our actions are causing pain, violence, and hatred
Abound building the weapons that we can't use can't we see they have
By constructing useless weapons, we are wasting resources that could be used for better things
Only one use we need more compassion not more war planes are we so
We should focus on being compassionate rather than creating even more destructive weapons
Blind uncaring insane brought into this world with nothing and with
We are born into this world with nothing, yet some of our actions show a lack of empathy and sanity
Nothing we're destined to depart What will it take to make us see these are crimes against humanity not
In the end, we will leave this world with nothing, so we must realize that we need to take responsibility for our actions
Only you, not only me but even our future society these are crimes against Humanity Crimes against humanity
We must recognize that our actions can have negative consequences for all of humanity, and we must work to prevent these crimes
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: PHIL RIND
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Lisa Hoffman
33.
More than eight years my health was compromised and couldn't even get straight answers from any doctor. Then I was made homeless and not helped by friends of over twenty years and even started to get insulted by them unprovoked. I realized I lost all my real photos and artwork and all my music was ruined or stolen. I got harassed everywhere I went, I was getting drugged, I was being made to look like a whore, I was surrounded by idiots in new vehicles who would do the most disgusting things or say the most disgusting things. I was isolated on an empty highway and realized the water I swam in all my life was ruined and started to slowly realize they were trying to blame me. I realized all the lies my family and friends had been telling me and how many of them weren't. I was never talked to honestly by anyone. I tried police, I've even tried the RCMP and every time they accused my sanity without even knowing me. They wouldn't let me get a proper photo for my renewed licence and healthcard. They started sending me bills for ones I had paid in full before I was made homeless. They rip me off everywhere I go. They'd force me to rent certain places and mostly take my money and make my life misery or kick me out when I did nothing to them. The police would not help. The hospitals hurt me further. I was sterilized as a woman at 43 years old. Strangers drive by me in droves and jeer and harass and point fingers at me as though they knew me. After years of abuse I started yelling at those around me and they would smile and film me. They still do sometimes. They insinuate lies about me. They goad until I snap and when I do they have their cellphones at the ready. I have spent the last year in this apartment with my caged in balcony getting drugged, poisoned and know I won't get real help. I don't deserve the loneliness, I didn't deserve the attacks and I don't deserve the nastiness of these cowards with mostly new cars around me.
34.
I tried going to the Human Rights Office downtown and was met with mockery and unprofessionalism. I tried getting answers as to why I had phony divorce papers and was met with more idiots in that office downtown with females wearing mesh tops at a supposed legal office. I tried police and was met with a secretary wearing stilettos. I've seen supposed city workers wearing see-through spandex around me and when I tried to go the RCMP finally, traffic was as contrived and the same as when I was crossing Canada, and when I arrived they wouldn't let me make a report. They've driven me down the same stretch of highway twice and given me poisonous coffees on the way. They pick me in vehicles with huge computer screens or they have cellphones sitting beside them. They don't relent. When I was homeless a guy nearly hit me with a cane and his fat girlfriend ran into my bags with her e-bike and later I realized he was the same guy I was talking to after and didn't even realize it then. They would have phony social workers make me sign unnecessary and strangely worded paperwork. They constantly changed welfare amounts. They've made it seem like I stayed at an institution when I was told it was a shelter. I haven't been able to make a normal signature often and my arm gets twitched and I get shocked in public and no-one will help me with that. The lack of civility and honesty and maturity around me is despicable. I will always have more bravery and decency than any of the things around me.
35.
And I have to listen to the cowards and idiots in this building make comments or jeers as they pass by my door but are never man enough to confront me. And on top of all of that, they still shock me and wake me every morning. They have no human emotions and they are nothing but a bunch of bullies and cowards and will die that way I'm sure.
36.
I tried watching a movie to occupy my time but I ran out of gigs. I've been thinking though, and I know I've had a really nasty life because of selfish beings, but mostly because those that hurt me, even though they don't have genuine feelings, are afraid to be alone, and I've been alone most of my life. They get help and pampered from their parents and treat me like dirt, but in reality it's true, they will never have accomplished what I did and had stolen from me, and especially with as much lack of support and understanding. I am brave, and I am strong, and I am a genuine person, and they never will be. For everything they've ever done to me and everything they have in their lives, all they'll ever be is cowards and liars, that much is true. I know they don't want me in Calgary and why. Because everyone is there. I know why lie about me and raided my womb, because I'm dirt and they don't want me around people. For all their bullying, for all their jealousies, for all their hate and abuse and for all their lies, they'll never be me. All they can do is pretend they struggle in life and really they will never struggle like I had to, even if they suffer some, most will never have had to be alone whilst they did and most will never have to face or admit to how cowardly and pampered they really are.
37.
You know what else I realized? My pregnancy with Carlos was more likely around 2002/2003 because the band split up and refomed in 2005 and I stopped talking to him for about five months when we broke up. It would be around that time when all those nasty, insulting shows were and J.M. had me recite the names on a crowded bus. Whenever I get humiliated or made to look bad there's almost always a nasty crowd as I've said. Maybe there's always been a nasty battle between them to raid my womb like the evil, selfish psychopaths they are.
38.
Also like I said, Eric was the only one to show remorse and guilt at the time. He told me he was with Chamille, or however you spell her name, but was on a break. He was crying, holding his head, looking out the window of my bedroom on Queen which only had one window facing towards mine. Usually it was shut though and I never thought anyone would be looking on purpose. Most of them who impregnate me or seem to try to, are with white broads with blue eyes at some point. And like I said it was weird that Dave drove me past his ex-girlfriend's house when I was living with him. Another thing I was thinking about again today was the letter that someone gave me at that place that asked for me not to read it out loud and that Angelo was not my friend and using me and how upset I got because I'm sure I didn't know them very long. I have a feeling that was Nicky, or Niki, I forget how she spelled her name. And after she broke up with Angelo he said she was a chronic liar. It's interesting though that I do remember that letter saying not to read it out loud, which means they knew I was being listened to or watched. I feel bad about that but there's not much I can do about it. I wish I had taken them seriously though because technically I had only known Angelo for a year to a year and a half.
39.
Also, I didn't know anyone else forced to look for their own place at fifteen/sixteen years old. They would complain about work but never seemed to get as hassled as I did, and I was fit and mostly worked hard when I did. And even if they weren't employed they managed to maintain vehicles, which I never could. They could always rely on mommy and daddy and return home if ever needed no problems or dramas. They could be three hundred pounds and find work easier than I could. They would complain about money yet always seemed to have some.
40.
Another thing that the cowardly males and females are doing is changing what I write and trying to deliberately turn others against me or make them hostile by putting out things I don't write. That much I figured out and the reason why my phone is hacked and all my e-mail accounts and Facebook.
Lisa Hoffman
Sat. Oct. 10, 2020
This morning I was woken by a guy yelling and I get really tired of it. Of course I was dreaming when he did. Like I said, for eight years and more these idiots have mostly denied me my dreams and my rights. I seriously hope that someone finds out where these cruel disgusting beings really live and wake them up everyday for a year so the they can think and feel how I've lived for eight years and more, until they think. I bought shitty water again. It fizzes when I open it, and like I said I've been denied even explanations or confrontations about what I'm going through for all these years. I hope some people see what they do and how they behave and how they deny me my rights.
2.
They're still uploading disgusting pictures on my Facebook. You know what I was remembering yesterday and the extent of their humiliation of me? The show they put on with bands like 'Slit Writhing Elizabeth', 'Vaginal Discharge', 'Cumgun', and more and how J.M. asked me on a crowded bus what bands we were playing with, and I know that was all deliberate to have me saying the most vile things in front of all on the bus. Now I know what J.M. is also, I guess Angel is the same as well. I'm still not sure what they did to me when I passed out at that show when my life was falling apart but I really do wonder what makes them all so sick in their heads. Even that dude got employment at the CNIB. Why were they never mature or intelligent enough to even confront me once? Why even bother to know me, as I've asked many times? They're very weird and not normal in the head obviously if they're not even human enough to discuss their issues rather than attack like cowards.
3.
You know what's weird about it all? In alot of ways, they resemble the Rusts. Why would the Rusts run around with me when I was young and let me swim and then punish me for it when I was a teenager? I guess because they are. You know when she used to say "It can only hurt you if you eat it raw?" Maybe her taking me swimming was her making an example of me and saying I affect the water. Funny but no-one got sick from it when I was a kid. I guess I know who all the true psychos are. I have little holes in my back from where black things are being poisoned out of my skin. The only truth that psycho said is it can only hurt you if you eat it raw, and now theyre poisoning me so little black things are coming out of my skin. I think I'll start saving samples. I put like three of them down the sink yesterday. Now I know what is incapable of telling the truth, what is incapable of being mature and who really does have the tantrums. Not me.
4.
And like my dreams and my artwork told me they are things hand in hand with animals hybrids and nasty beings. The Rusts are evil and most around me and mom have always been. And even though I sometimes watch Hollywood movies, they are onside with the same and mostly are the same. But the torture and lack of mature and reasonable explanations should cause most to question their ability for rational thinking.
5.
The sad thing is, I guess Kym is the same. I question if anyone understands me and has any sympathy for what I've been going through and the rights I've been denied daily. (They changed the word 'I've' to the word 'ice', and they do that often.)
6.
I also wonder if people see what disgusting things they upload on my internet and what comes up when I do a search on my phone for anything on-line? I wonder if anyone sees the horrible things they write and sites they upload onto my phone? At least most of the time they don't upload porn sites and crap like that anymore that I'm aware of onto my phone. I have no access to normal internet anymore but if I ever get out of this circle of idiots and cruel,disgusting cowards I will make sure I'm heard.
7.
I guess JM was recovering and Angel is fat. I guess that's their hostility in their usual cowardly ways. Maybe he tries to claim his blindness was caused by my worms? Did he drink from Lake Mazinaw or the Muskoka river to have the right to attack me? I was what, a teenager when I camped at the Pinery and later Killbear. Ross took me to the Pinery so did they all drink from lake Huron or Georgian Bay? Are they all retarded? Or perhaps they drank from the oceans I swam in? What ridiculous excuses do they use without the human decency of even confronting me?
8.
J.M. was also living in a basement, much like Susan Fitzgerald was living under me as my water was being messed with and same like most of the creeps who lived beneath me wherever I lived. And I was thinking the other day of Greg Park's roommate who had bad skin and he was living at a place with someone in the basement. They're all poisoning people aren't they? They're all psychotic poisoned and murderers and are getting away with it aren't they? And Greg's roommate who was named Andrew had a girlfriend who also had really bad skin, but much like Alex, Greg didn't.
9.
What happened to Andrew and his girlfriend Sam? Are they aware of the situation? Do they care? Is she the same as me?
10.
That's why all my photos have been changed. I noticed how they even made Greg look like his hair was thin in my photos and it wasn't, and when I was with him and Cheryl as my life was falling apart he looked absolutely fine and so did his hair.
11.
And that's why the photos of Alex all look weird. So he can make it seem like he was suffering the same fate as me, and he wasn't. Like I said, my pictures of myself make my face look better than it was and his look worse. They really are all cowards!
12.
That still doesn't explain why they pasted someone else's ass over my own in the photos at Tim's cottage. For anyone who did that or believes that photo, the wrap is not the same as the one I wore and I don't tie it up at the back.
13.
And for those who make reference to me being the 'bad-ass', actually I had a really nice ass before those cowards made my life a misery.
14.
And that explains what kind of disgusting creature is downstairs from me these days. I wonder if many who live in buildings and on main-floor apartments are the same as me? And that's also what John Wells and his wife are because I know they were signalling before they went into the shower and also waking me from my dreams. They're all sick and demented beings. I don't remember who lived upstairs from J.M. and I guess I know what Dan and Scott were doing also.
15.
And all these cowards who try to deny the truth or reverse the blame, Kym knows and has known I've had bad skin since I met her, since John Crews left a mouldy towel on the hand rack and since I was living with him. Since I was nineteen/twenty years old. All the customers from the bookstore and the Beerstore know the same. And they also know Alex didn't have nearly as bad skin as I did. All my neighbours knew, anyone who saw me in that neighbourhood knew. The ridiculousness of smoothing out my face in all my photos and changing aspects of others is also shameless. I guess that's why I was mocked at Greg and Cheryl's wedding and one of the only ones to finish the soup they had on their menu. And the area was strangely empty at that time also. They had their wedding near Markham Rd. and Kingston Rd. but almost no-one was around. I find it hard to believe that everyone would deny what they've done to me and what they saw being done to my face for more than twenty years.
16.
That day I woke up and my hair was in split ends like a waterfall all over my hair and I was bawling, I wrote about how I saw Susan Fitzgerald come outside with her hair down, which she never usually did and was almost smiling. I know for a fact that thing enjoyed my misery. She's a fucking nutbar! I don't know what makes them so demented but I think its about time society acknowledged what they do to people like me and how only after they started getting caught they started behaving like victims and reversing the blame. Jackie from the hair salon knows. All the black chicks at the salon on Danforth knew and wanted to cut my hair all off to hide evidence, and strangely enough John Crews had an apartment above a black hair salon. There's more evil around than I ever knew and its not only nasty, bulbous things involved.
16.
And I also might point out that some of those things that were poisoning people like me are parents. So there are those out there with their own children who are using noxious chemicals and poisons on people. That's scary! And this government hasn't even told me the truth yet.
17.
And I also know most around are now pretending to be victims but are rather those who are getting back what they did to others, but I'm a victim and always have been since I was young so I don't deserve these constant attacks that I've always been subjected to by cowards. And also, there are many cops who saw what these things were doing to my face for years. How far does the corruption extend?
18.
So not only was it jealousy because they were clean, but they were also womb-raiding me to make their own dirty babies like the hypocrites they are. I can only wish them and their stolen children a lifetime of the hell they put others through. Too stupid to even think of that! They should look into all of Julian's girlfriends and Sylvia was one of them with her supposed twin sister. I still have my doubts that Alex's real wife is even Russian and I hope they all get caught, whoever womb-raided me. Their cruelty and hypocrisy is unbelievable, and the lack of honesty from this government and the law is shameless. Like I said, one vial of blood is all it would take to prove who I am and the toxicity levels of the poisons they use on me.
Lisa Hoffman
Thurs. Oct. 8, 2020
Last night I had five beers and smoked cigarette after cigarette. I saw a star over my head most of the night. I can only assume that kind of cowardly punishment comes from a psychotic womb raider. The only honesty I ever started to get about my life was when my life started to fall apart. Only one out of all them thought I deserved the truth about how cowards punish, how cowards kill, how cowards demeen and take advantage of people's lives. I'm surrounded by that disgusting circus I guess. And I still say they're all ego and cruelty and selfishness and I only feel sorry about my opinions of them to the ones who were honest with me. By the time I was writing 'Poisoned Pawn', it was the only time someone was honest about how they were womb-raiding me. The rest of my life has been them either humiliating me, using me, trashing my face and body. Nasty cowards, that's all I can say about most of them. All ego, all selfishness, no morals and not even facing me as they kill me. Disgusting, horrible beings. I think the world should know what they do to women. That's my opinion and I deserve legal help, but with egos like them its no wonder no-one fucks with them, even though they're constantly abusing life and people.
2.
All this rich traffic and cowardly bullying. They really don't deserve the egos they have. Well, now I know what's around me most of the time. I guess they're what constantly fuck with people and their minds whilst playing with themselves and enjoying misery and sorrow. What a bunch of psychos! Every time I go for a walk there's a manipulation, cowardly behavior from the rich and fancy cars and really, they've haunted my life all my life and never relented. Some coward has been jealous all my life. They won't even face me and say what they are. I don't know how anyone becomes what they are, I guess they're mostly emotionally retarded and I guess they're raises to be hateful, nasty beings. I don't even know for sure who was telling me the truth but I know it was when I was living with Scott, but his cat who was fat was behaving strange and horribly and something I'd never seen before. So even there there was a combination of truth and psychotic behavior. His cat was masturbating and that was really disgusting. Some things are really sick in the head. I guess I know why certain beings are in and out of my life. And now I know what always is around me humiliating me, hating me, well, sort of, technically they're still not man enough to face me and say what they are and their hatred. I was thinkinf yesterday about how Angelo and Tyrone had the first cellphones and how recently a name came up with my taxes and that was Wendy. I don't know get at all, but I have heard she's racist like Tyrone and super rich. And I might have even heard she can't have kids but I'm not sure. I have never met that broad but I know Tyrone had an ego and for some reason was extremely racist and I know they were around me with their cellphones since I was with Dave at sixteen years old when I moved out with him. The same place where traffic was passing me as I was getting drunk on my front lawn. Money, someone with money. A psychotic coward and cowards with lots of money.
3.
Like I said, I was pretty and kind, and some fugly, nasty beings stood over my head and constantly harassed and humiliated and hurt and used and all I know is I was told that Wendy chick was super rich. I still say they're the most cowardly race in the universe and honestly think they all deserve to eat shit for what they did to my life and how they abused me. If I had known that some psychos were standing over my head all my life I would've tried to at least move and never known any of them ever again. I can't believe how egotistical, selfish, cruel and cowardly they are. I can't believe how nasty they are.
4.
I guess somehow in their sick heads they justify it. I guess I know why that dumb broad came into the Beerstore all challenging and snarky and then started getting nastier when I retorted. "Did you hear how she talked to me?" Big, nasty, undeserved egos. And their cowardly males that hurt women for their psycho-broads. I guess they what, are what's gassing the planet? All those fancy homes in certain places with fresh air as the rest of the planet dies and the only reason I'm sitting in fresh air is so they can threaten, harass and humiliate me more because of the abuse they won't even acknowledge or admit that they subjected me to? I can't say enough how disgusting they are. I hope they eat shit, I hope they rot and I hope one day they develop mature and genuine human emotions and a moral conscience.
5.
They might have the money and numbers to get away with abusing me, humiliating me and denying me justice for what they did to me but I'm not the cowards they are. Its not my fault how they can manipulate minds, but I still say that's the only reason anyone respects them, and that's sad. Respect should be earned, not gained due to fear and manipulation. They really are all disgusting. I was beautiful inside and outside, and they'll always be cowards and bullies and egos they don't deserve.
6.
Like I said, I went to the streets and Angelo got two new cars and a trailer. Tyrone is Angelo's best friend and that Wendy chick is Tyrone's best friend. Wouldn't that be horrible if some rich bitch I've never met had something to do with the demise of my life, and I never even met her once? It might explain some of the money around me and who's being paying someone to smash my face. It's quite possible that they are the jealousy and perversion that's surrounded my life. It was Tyrone who set up the computer when I was working with that Tim guy at the office furniture place and I was on-line looking at the Satanic website of Antoine Lavey. I guess thats no accident. What the fuck is the matter with them? Why did they know me if that's what they thought of me? And since Tyrone is a blatant racist that would explain how I was getting phonecalls at places that I had just moved in to calling me a chink. I had no idea how evil they were. I had no idea they really hated and resented me. I had no idea how jealous they were. That's how cowardly and disgusting they are. And they're not even man enough to tell me the truth. I knew Angelo and Scott for twenty-three years and they put onto the streets, let me be sterilized, let me be abused most of my life, that's the extent of their emotional depth. They didn't once tell me the truth about what they thought of me or how little they respected me. I honestly think they're the most despicable, evil, loveless and cruel things I ever knew, and didn't know.
7.
You know, it amazes me also, how little guilty conscience Angelo has. Like I said, he came to my place, said how I have my art and music at least and that he'll never do anything like that and I said at least he has his son to try and make him feel better, and he has such little emotion that he probably knew I was going to the streets and would have eveything damaged or stolen or ruined. He has such little emotion he visited me when I was in a tent living in the park, wondering why my life went how it went, and all he did was give me twenty dollars and smoke a joint with me. And that thing's a father? It amazes me that even though I've never liked Dan that he would stand there and yell that I'm a whore and a bitch when all I wanted was to talk to Scott and visit my cats. They really all are psychotic and evil and selfish. I don't think any of those things have any genuine emotions at all. Like I said, when my life was falling apart all anyone ever said when I called them is they were sick, as though it was my fault. They're sick in their heads and I still can't believe that of all of them, Scott would do that to me. For what? Money? Meat? Both? Hurt me without even explaining themselves once? They're all more than cowards, they're evil, hateful, racist, disgusting, perverse and fugly. I don't know how they live with themselves.
8.
And so it wasn't an accident that I moved into that place on Barker just around the corner from Toronto East General Hospital as they started their womb-raiding buisness. And all the other disgusting humiliations of me, like Alex tearing down our blinds and cutting me and having sex with me in front of an open window. And Mr. Ali isn't short on money either. So they were all profiting and then that hospital got a huge donation and now I'm constantly surrounded by fancy cars, humiliation, lies and threats and no-one with emotions or morals will help me. They're all rich, they're all evil and cruel and they're all cowards. And like I said, they get bulbous and fat and I seriously hope they all eat shit. You can't imagine how cruel and cowardly they all are.
9.
And the last time I was womb-raided I just happened to be invited to Brian Monk's party where I was introduced to Carlos and that guy has money and his psycho bitch has plastic surgery all over her face. So it's no wonder a plastic surgeon could damage my face and hurt me with no remorse. Most of those things have plastic surgery of some kind. Besides, I'm still sure Toronto East General came up with the plan to make my womb a buisness and I honestly can't win compared to that much corruption and money. All I can say is they're all evil and cowardly and now I know what kind of disgusting creatures they are. As I've said many times, no amount of plastic surgery will ever make them beautiful inside. They're all nasty opportunists and its no wonder so many I knew went out of my life and had new beginnings with new belongings. I seriously hope you all get exposed as the hateful opportunists and murderers you are.
Lisa Hoffman
Fri. Nov. 27, 2020
This morning my lung feels like crap still. I've been thinking about how my life seems to have been on display and how the Rusts and Kathy and others really made me look like an assholes, their influence, their lies, their cruelty. I've figured out what it was about. An example of why I shouldn't exist on this planet and how great they are and how evil and shit I am. I don't want to stay in this country knowing that those things could do what they did to me. Mrs. Rust used to say, "You're in for the fight of your life." And apparently that was another honest statement from her, that didn't happen often. I don't care if they own the country or even planet. I hate their minds, their lies and their deceitful ways they convince the world I deserved to die and be humiliated. I just want to know where I can go to get away from the ugliness and cruelty they are. That's all. I want to know where I'm allowed to live in peace and with dignity and human rights that these things claim exist. Maybe one day people will stand up for me and say the truth about who I really am. That's what real and honest people would do. I know the two that prey upon my life and life in general will never stop being assholes, being self-righteous or being liars, but there must be somewhere in this world where those nasty things don't reign supreme.
2.
All I want is an honest answer from this government. Are people allowed to be detained without explanation or legal representation like I am being? Are people allowed to poisoned and cleansed without their consent or at least a verbal confrontation? Are people allowed to be watched and observed like guinea pigs without their knowledge or consent? Are people allowed to be refused to make a police report when threatened and harmed and denied their rights like I have been? I want direct answers for those questions and if you answer yes to any of those questions then I want the government to have honest transparency and verbally say that people like me have no rights and why. That much I deserve.
Fri. Nov. 27, 2020
This morning my lung feels like crap still. I've been thinking about how my life seems to have been on display and how the Rusts and Kathy and others really made me look like an assholes, their influence, their lies, their cruelty. I've figured out what it was about. An example of why I shouldn't exist on this planet and how great they are and how evil and shit I am. I don't want to stay in this country knowing that those things could do what they did to me. Mrs. Rust used to say, "You're in for the fight of your life." And apparently that was another honest statement from her, that didn't happen often. I don't care if they own the country or even planet. I hate their minds, their lies and their deceitful ways they convince the world I deserved to die and be humiliated. I just want to know where I can go to get away from the ugliness and cruelty they are. That's all. I want to know where I'm allowed to live in peace and with dignity and human rights that these things claim exist. Maybe one day people will stand up for me and say the truth about who I really am. That's what real and honest people would do. I know the two that prey upon my life and life in general will never stop being assholes, being self-righteous or being liars, but there must be somewhere in this world where those nasty things don't reign supreme.
2.
All I want is an honest answer from this government. Are people allowed to be detained without explanation or legal representation like I am being? Are people allowed to poisoned and cleansed without their consent or at least a verbal confrontation? Are people allowed to be watched and observed like guinea pigs without their knowledge or consent? Are people allowed to be refused to make a police report when threatened and harmed and denied their rights like I have been? I want direct answers for those questions and if you answer yes to any of those questions then I want the government to have honest transparency and verbally say that people like me have no rights and why. That much I deserve.
3.
Well now the radio is saying anyone travelling to New Brunswick needs to self-isolate unless they have a vehicle. How retarded is that? By the way, all the delays on my phone and on the internet with the purpose of censoring me and what I write, I will go to a populated city and write everything I can about what happened to me and how my rights are violated daily without government intervention or even acknowledgement. As for their tyrannical and non-sensical banter on the radio and their allusion to law and order that they never uphold anyways, I don't know why they have no shame. All I ask constantly is where I can live without being around abusive, idiotic beings and what city actually upholds human rights laws, because this country no longer does.
Lisa Hoffman
11.
I tried watching a few videos but could feel their manipulation again and any video with repeated words or actions is a warning sign of these things learning what part of the brain gets stimulated. I figured out the other day that some of them never really make mistakes, and realized how if the human mind is unimpeded, we're probably not prone to many accidents at all. Alex would pretend to fuck up the drums, but I know he did it on purpose. I've seen injuries on him and his mother, but the only time Alex ever fell or tripped is when he was behind me and injured me. They know how to make things look like an accident. I've never seen Olga fall, I can't recall seeing Ross ever fall or trip. But I bet they pretend to sometimes so they don't seem as free as they are. But as perfect as many of them seem, their minds are mean and cold and they're greedy, so they're only less inhibited by physical mistakes. They've made me clumsy most of my life and make me look like an idiot whenever they want. Olga told me she was a bitch, and I've heard the expression son of a bitch, and both Alex and Mr. Rust have similar physical traits and both have fat, mean mothers who humiliated me. I don't ever recall seeing Mr. Rust trip or be clumsy either. There's also that expression 'the bitch is back', so obviously some people know. Like I said, we would have a perfect jam and then go to play a show the next day and I know Alex was deliberately eratic, so I'd look like I can't play worth a shit. But the truth is I was a better song writer than he was and that's why I think he got competitive and why he would have riffs that were similar to something I was coming up with, but different. I was writing nice music and riffs before I met him. And also like I've said I was figuring out my own scales and songs at home before I knew many. But I do have a feeling that Alex is mostly controlled by Olga and why he self-punishes sometimes, and maybe Mr. Rust was an asshole because of his nasty mom.
12.
It seriously makes me wonder why they have kids at all. And obviously Burlington was full nasty racists. I know the Rusts were. So what these disgusting things here are doing is learning how to manipulate by using me, and personally I'm tired of it, and I think and always think they are the most cowardly of murderers and abusers. I'm sure if they were normal in the head themselves they wouldn't be mean, selfish, greedy pigs. All I need is to get away from these horrible creatures and hope I can find person who is kind and understanding. I've been abused all my life by these cowards and their idiotic and pampered children. I think they should relent and let me have a life for myself for once. And yeah they can affect our heads in public without cellphones. I'd rather know someone who understands me completely.
13.
So Alex's lyrics about being taught hate and all that was probably them using him, but then again, I still think he was way more aware than I was and deliberately fucked up our shows. His lyrics were 'force them to face what end awaits the human race'. But he was writing that to me, so who was he talking to? My head seems to be all over. Maybe when Alex's dad died the kindness in my life was gone. Maybe they get passed back and forth between mother and father influence and maybe I'm public domain or something. Either way, not allowing people to be free thinkers and using them as toys and tools is cruel and cowardly. Maybe I'm right about the reason that guy that was Sarah Turner's brother's friend missed the corner on his motorcycle and died. But if we are able and allowed to think for ourselves we are truly remarkable people and then we are the gods, which is why they enslave us. Because they are the greatest cowards of the universe and they teach their kids similar techniques of manipulation. I'm a pawn, I don't get taught, I get shit on, so I'm not any of them.
14.
So Alex, or some other idiot had me branded as a mind manipulator, and Kathy who always was was telling others it was me. I was thinking about that, how if one of them are around me, they could manipulate someone else as I'm looking at them and reverse the blame. Kathy spent most of our childhood telling others I was the pampered one, meanwhile it was her. Sarah's fat friend attacked me as being a bad influence, and I believe it was them. Scott even attacked me as being a bad influence, but someone has been influencing me most of my life to look like an idiot. So he's probably reversing the blame on me. All of them are a bunch of cowards. So it was Kathy probably all along that got most to hate me when I was young for being the cause of something I was always a victim of. So they not only hurt and abuse minds, they also reverse the blame on victims, and the majority of those get fat and thin, and as I've said, I've almost always been the same weight. So Kathy really is evil and probably is the influence that caused me to draw what they used against me as an excuse to attack me further. They truly are evil, despicable, cowardly and completely incapable of honesty and genuine emotions.
15.
And that might be why Kathy wouldn't leave me alone, why she was always either copying what I drew later but changing the meaning, acting as though she was the righteous one, and something else was telling me what she is and what's around me and they didn't like that. But I still believe that when I was twelve years old and drew that cross with blood and K.R. underneath as meaning 'kill religion', I'd bet Kathy or Mrs. Rust was the influence so that she could have a reason to constantly attack me and get others on her side and have them attack me and why Kathy got that tattoo of K.B. on her hand later, and why Shane was saying A.R.A was anti-racist action, and they're all a bunch of lying idiots. And need I remind them all, none of them were intelligent or honorable enough to confront me. I deserve my reputation to be cleared and my face fixed and to be compensated for everything those cowards stole from me. But since they're greedy and cowardly and always will be, I doubt they'll ever do the honorable thing, and I know they're incapable of honesty. And the sad and most disgusting thing about it all is I told Alex that story when I met him because I was telling him about how Mrs. Rust called Children's Aid on me because if it, so he knew from the start I didn't know. Most of them did. They're all a bunch of jealous, hateful, ugly and nasty cowards that won't even admit the truth to me. And they got me scarred again, attacked by everyone and sterilized as a woman and lost me everything I ever did in life. And not one of them are man enough to say. The most despicable, cowardly, idiotic creatures I will ever know. I wish them all to learn how to feel.
16.
And really their incentive for being mean and cruel and lying about me is because I'm dirt and because they're inherently jealous and controlling.
17.
But these disgusting creatures blaming me for what happened to the water and making everyone believe I'm responsible is not acceptable and I'm going to do something about it because they're all liars and my reputation matters. If this cowardly government won't stand up for me, I'll stand up for myself any way I can including going to a populated area and doing my best to make people aware of what cowards can do to innocent women and what little was done to help me. I will also try my hardest to find a genuine lawyer who is a man and tell them what they did to me. There are many who know who I am and where I was including those that turned their backs on me like Tim Smith, Carlos, Mike, Alex, Angelo, Scott and even my 'family' that betrayed me. Including my bosses, my records that have been 'conveniently' altered. They're all disgusting liars and my life was ruined for something that was never my fault and something I never did.
18.
And although many of these cowards think they've erased all the evidence I had to prove my innocence, there are ways to retrieve files, there are ways my corrupted files can be regained and I will do my best to regain my reputation that many around me have constantly worked to destroy.
19.
Kathy is the most evil being I could ever imagine. I am not her, I am not Ross, I am not Sue, I am not fat, I am not greedy, and I am not ever a harm to nature or life, except that I'm dirt.
20.
When I was on the bus yesterday, a big, fat Asian broad was putting her thumbs between her two fingers in a fist, and I was told that's to ward off bad eyes. That bitch was reversing the blame on me again as all those cowards do. And the thing down the hall was laughing again, so yet another example of how they're never man enough to say anything maturely or honestly. She also obviously was sick at some point because her legs are all nasty, and those things are blaming me without saying so. I just can't figure out how and why someone would be able to influence me to tell me the truth about both sides of influence and misery. There was a hint though that they may have been a prisoner of war or something, and like I said, maybe not all slaves who manipulate us are happy with their roles. The more these fat things try to reverse the blame on me, the more shameful they look, especially when it's obvious who got sick and who doesn't. I never deserved their jealousy and abuse. I think it's sad they don't even feel enough to even recognize that.
Lisa Hoffman
Wed. Oct. 14, 2020
Last night I was having beers and the neighbour across the hall knocked on the door and invited me over but I told him if he wanted to he could come by my place and have a beer on the balcony with me because I was listening to music. He did and we talked for a while. It was weird as usual I guess from my side also because I'm still bitter about everything. Yesterday at the grocery store I saw a thin blue-eyed white being and all I kept thinking about was Mrs. Rust and her saying "You say when". I don't know what to think about all that. I don't know what to think about anything these days. I was thinking about Kym and her daughter, was wondering how many other girls can understand what I've been through and how many actually have their own children. Since no-one will be honest about anything I guess I'll never really know. I think its disgusting no-one will tell me anything, but I really know that a bunch of weird beings with really twisted up eyes are all over and the world is fucked and no-one says anything. I still have a feeling they fucked my eyes up at Hakim optical with bum glasses, and since I can't get proper help I don't know if they'll ever be fixed. They tried to damage my teeth, my eyes, they've been doing disgusting things all my life. Is there anyone human enough to care, that's what freaks me out the most, no-one acting as though they care at all about anything.
2.
All I know is I can't be the only woman they've done this to, so there must be someone out there who cares and understands.
3.
I went to the neighbour's and bought a pack of smokes with my last five dollars. Had two sips of a nasty beer. I've been thinking about what I saw in Calgary and the mountain. The rest of Ontario except certain places are in a haze and everyone else is gathered in certain places, and I'm isolated from anyone who speaks like they used to. I get this feeling they're trying to doom me here. I know I did nothing wrong to deserve what's happening to me, and I know they're doing horrible things to me like the poisoned water I'm forced to drink here that makes me sick sometimes and my glands swell, and I know I had nothing to do with the water but the emptied the highways and swarmed me with traffic as I crossed Canada when I was made homeless. And I still can't figure out why no-one stands up for me or says they know me. There's definitely more fresh air on the mountain but also very strange and apathetic beings all around there. I'm sure the east coast is as developed as the west coast was, except B.C. for some reason. One side of the mountain was packed, the other side almost completely empty. I know I didn't have solid friends but I still find it hard to believe that no-one will stand up for me and say who I am and that they know me as being who I was for most of my life in this city.
3.
I went to the neighbour's and bought a pack of smokes with my last five dollars. Had two sips of a nasty beer. I've been thinking about what I saw in Calgary and the mountain. The rest of Ontario except certain places are in a haze and everyone else is gathered in certain places, and I'm isolated from anyone who speaks like they used to. I get this feeling they're trying to doom me here. I know I did nothing wrong to deserve what's happening to me, and I know they're doing horrible things to me like the poisoned water I'm forced to drink here that makes me sick sometimes and my glands swell, and I know I had nothing to do with the water but the emptied the highways and swarmed me with traffic as I crossed Canada when I was made homeless. And I still can't figure out why no-one stands up for me or says they know me. There's definitely more fresh air on the mountain but also very strange and apathetic beings all around there. I'm sure the east coast is as developed as the west coast was, except B.C. for some reason. One side of the mountain was packed, the other side almost completely empty. I know I didn't have solid friends but I still find it hard to believe that no-one will stand up for me and say who I am and that they know me as being who I was for most of my life in this city.
5.
I've been thinking and talking at myself about the music scene that surrounded me, how I was isolated and hassled from the bigger scenes until I was hanging around a small scene of mostly talentless and boring music. Considering the horrible things they're doing to me I have a feeling that most in the music scene I was around, music wasn't their first and foremost intentions. Alot of them were in universities or colleges and now I'm nothing but a toy for demented cowards. I was thinking about all their gossip about others I hardly knew when they'd come to my house, and how much they must've been gossiping about me. I was thinking about how many of them started saying their parents were sick with something and on medications. Real musicians should be original and melodic and someone must've said something about that and why they got more and more competitive. Since most music these days is unoriginal and gimmicky, I don't know how many are real musicians anymore, and maybe that's why my artwork and music was stolen also. These things are all afraid of me finding someone who truly cares about me. They're afraid of me gaining independence and freedom and they constantly harass and manipulate and test out different poisons on me. I need to get away from this situation. I need to find real people with real emotions and morals, not these sick fucks who do nothing but abuse and harass and poison. I need to find real musicians.
6.
I decided to look on Facebook again to see if I could find anyone I knew and they're showing excerpts of something I've written before, but has been changed. When I looked up Matt Riley again, pictures of him fat showed up on my phone, but no pictures of him when he was thinner. When I was in Parry Sound and getting drugged and shocked I spelled his name O'Reilly. That's how evil they've been to me since my life fell apart. A picture of him with Desmond also showed up. Desmond isn't fat yet and apparently they're still buddies. But when I met Jeff, the guy that was playing with Carlos, he wasn't fat. Then one day he was. So many of them in that scene get really fat somehow. They also put false searches on my Facebook and elsewhere. Matt's face looks really mean also. It's amazing how quickly they all change but other than how they scar my face, I never do.
7.
Even Tim Smith was on the fat side one year he visited us and he said it was the booze, but then he was thin again. Desmond was attacking me as I was losing everything, he's not fat. Keegan was thin then fat. Does anyone stay the same as I do?
8.
The other thing I find weird is that almost all of them moved out of the city before everything went to hell. And many of them reappeared in my life before it all fell apart. Both Kym and even that guy I hadn't seen in years Martin, both showing up at the Beerstore. Why and how did they all visit me once or invite me to a show, then almost all moved away and then my life became a mess and no-one will acknowledge a damn thing that's happened to me or been done to me? When will someone tell me the truth?
9.
And what about all the outrageous and weird things they were saying? You know when Mardy came to visit me and I was already divorced, if I was even legitimately married, and he was saying weird things like he was charged with harassing a chick or something and that he was sleeping with his girlfriends daughter and all that as I was sitting on the porch with him, and I was barely responding at all? What was that about really? Why was everyone starting to gossip about those I hardly knew at my place? Mike talking shit about those I hardly knew, Carlos talking about Mike and Erich and they joined a band together and are good friends. Why was I told that guy at the show downtown where I was punched in the kidneys and had my foot stomped on, why was I told the guy there was Jay, when when I look back wasn't nearly as bulbous as I remember him? Why all the dramas? Why all the lies? Why did Desmond start attacking me for no reason whatsoever and I don't know him very well at all. Why did he invite me out for dinner only to attack me? What is all their incentive for everything they did?
10.
I think whatever has always been behind my phones are disgusting. I was watching videos on YouTube from Fawlty Towers clips and the episode with the O'Reilly men and I was getting drugged and then realized I couldn't think properly, and I'm sure that's how these faceless cowards cross signals in the mind. But making me an experiment and case of study for eight years without telling me is evil and against my human rights. And why do they think they have the right to do that to me? That time that I walked downtown and was outside of what I think was Ryerson and that little dark guy who was at our show at the Sports bar that closed down and was one of only five or six in the audience came outside and saw me and put his hands together and looked up and was smiling. How many of those nasty, talentless music scene things were really only teamsters of my manipulation? How demented are they and what the hell are they doing in my life in the first place? And I'm sure that was the guy who asked me for my autograph after that show on a napkin and I thought it was weird then. What were they setting me up for? And Greg and Cheryl were there and Alex Erdhardt and maybe Brian Middleton, but no-one else. What were they doing really?
Lisa Hoffman
Mon. Feb. 1, 2021
This morning I was shocked awake again. I was dreaming, I woke up thinking about Angelo and Alex, our trip to his trailer, his van, what I drew on the back window. Then I started thinking physical differences again of those who die and those who usually kill. Those who kill are always lied to and the public that supports them are lied to in the media, its no wonder the radio is so sarcastic and dishonest. The slaughter of WW2 was an eradication. The slaughter of Vietnam was much the same. I wrote before about the pysical differences between soldiers and those who own buisnesses, exploit people, not that the media will ever say. They support each other in their deviance and if someone gets very abused they band together to justify and demonize the victims. A real society would at least acknowledge what's being done to me and the lack of voice and representation I have. I'm pushed out of communities because they are built and financially supported by the same things that hurt me, and people only have the lives they have because they weren't as surrounded and abused as I was and are employed because of those same things. Have you ever seen two largely obese beings physically fighting each other? I haven't. But I see people fighting each other, people hurting people like me, supporting things that hurt people like me. I've seen obese things kicking the shit out of people sometimes, got threatened alot when I was young, until I could fight back and they realized I might. When I got to Calgary however many years ago that was, roughly six years ago, all that met me there was bulbous things, weird looking beings, pushing me around, lying about me. The bus station there was a shameless joke and their behavior disgusting. Lying about my weight, lied about the weight of my bags. In my opinion they're a bunch of things that did horrible and corrupt things to me that banded together to get away with it and make me take the blame.
2.
Some own buisnesses and are selfish and greedy, some exploit women and children and then do their best to make it seem like their fault, even though we're blind to what they are and what they do to us. Whether this society and the public wants to admit it or not, some people are abused by the system and are ignored by the system and eventually degraded and de-valued by the system. What they did to my face is evil and this government won't let me get justice for it and justice for all the other ways I was exploited. I was pretty, I was used by males and females and tricked into pregnancies and terminations of those pregnancies most of the time, some took advantage of the fact I wasn't ready for kids. I should have rights, no-one cares about those rights when it comes to myself. But again, if that's what society chooses to do, then they deserve whatever future they have in store for them. Like I've said before, I'm not the first person they've abused, scapegoated and harmed or even killed, I won't be the last, and for every female that attacks me in favour of their own existence will one day be old and as useless as they treat me, and the saddest thing is they will never look back on what they did to me, I doubt any if them are conscientious about their own behavior at all. Most seem so callous to my situation but then again, the media is and has always been perpetrators of rumours and hyping up the public to demonize certain people with a certain understanding of life that they won't ever say. They're constantly hyping the concept of aliens on the radio, just like the Catholic church used to kill people who studied the skies and tried to learn and inform the public. They want to keep society ignorant and stupid and that's the archaic thinking of most in power, and other people who know the truth are ruined and even murdered. That's why they desperately change what I write, steal and change artwork, changed all my photographs to hide the damage they did to my face.
3.
In my opinion they can be as mocking and as sensationalist as they want to be, they've been 'cleansing' people for a reason, carving into my face and damaging my face since I was young for a reason. Its not ridiculous to believe that other life travels the sky, other worlds or places exist for the same purpose as here. Its not ridiculous to look around and actually acknowledge truths. Their desperate attempts to make it seem ridiculous makes me truly wonder about the extant of their mentality or the motivations or reasons they have to do that. Singled out people can't fight a world of ignorance but a bunch of cowards working together sure can silence and abuse victims being isolated because of what we are. You know what it feels like? Like I was a kind and honest person, lied about and demonized and exploited from the start, never appreciated for what I was meant to be, and most of the time reviled and resented without ever knowing why. It's disheartening but every day I think there must be one or two individual minded people who might appreciate me for who I am really.
4.
You know what's weird? People will make fun of their own lack of individuality on television or elsewhere, but when it comes right down to reality, that's exactly what they are and do. In cartoons and movies they make fun of how people are always on-side with money, power, popularity, and the moral is almost always that they're wrong, but when it comes to reality it never is that funny how stupid and nasty they can be when they become a mob mentality. My analogy of most being like turkeys in a turkey farm, pecking at and killing the one that gets caught in the fence or gets sick, that's what most behavior around me really feels like. I keep trying to search for places where the mentality is different, but they won't let me, they don't even let me have access to normal public information or internet. People don't even seem to find it abnormal the excuses they use to shut down libraries and other avenues of public communication and I'm sure are flooding websites with nonsense and hyped-up stories of abuse to disclaim and belittle very real stories. Its disgusting the things they upload onto my internet and phone that mocks much of what I said has happened to me because they don't want the public to know how disgusting they can be and what they did to children. What they do to many women, and I think much of the lack of sympathy was because of who I am, what I am and how pretty I was and a general behavior and attitude that I deserved it because of jealousy and stereotypes of me, gossip and perpetuated lies. I've decided that even though I didn't get respect from many, and that many had an attitude that they were superior to me or that I thought I was vain, which I wasn't, but I believe their own envy made them perceive me that way to justify hate and abuse and exploitation, I've decided that ugly and stupid is not safe bunch for me to live around.
5.
When I was younger those I thought were my peers treated me like dirt, those who thought they were more woman than I was treated me like dirt, but in a way to be around those who have superiority complexes, as long as I don't involve myself in their people nor get with one of their males, which most seem to think is not acceptable, they might ignore me and leave me alone. I remember one chick like that saying I looked like a little girl one time. There's been alot of little comments like that throughout my life that I had forgotten about or ignored. I think in some ways its better to be hurt and verbally abused and looked down upon by those who suppose they're more human than others than to be exploited and abused by disgusting animals who don't have normal mentality at. If guidelines had been set out from the outset maybe I wouldn't have to have contended with as much abuse as I have. If they had outright said who I was societically accepted to be with and where I would be respected I might have had better chances in life. There isn't a day that passes that I don't look back upon one happening or another and wish I had figured out what they really felt about me and what they really intended for me. There isn't an occurrence in the past where I look back and think maybe that should've been my hint that I should leave this province and those from my past behind me, but I didn't know, I was just a kid. Its not my fault the lies and deceit of others. But the lack of choices, the refusal to allow me to have normal employment, what they did to my face that will affect my future of trying to get employment. I will never be able to waitress the way I once did because everyone knows that attractiveness matters and that a line gouged across someone's face will cause instant judgement and false perceptions of a person. They've harassed me at every place of employment whether they want to admit that or not.
Lisa Hoffman
Wed. Dec. 30, 2020
This morning I woke up thinking about my grouphomes again, thought about Josh Parker. How he was in both grouphomes when I got back from Calgary, but realized the Oakville grouphome was where I first met him, so that must be where I first went. And I was only there a short while which would explain why I still had my airport box when I went to Pilkey house. Then I started thinking about my pregnancies, Pauline and her death, how they threatened my life. They separated me from Giselle when Pauline died and I realized a reason they probably killed her is the same reason they threaten my life. Her DNA, her early abortion before she had her kids, how her kids carry her DNA and how Kathy tried to convince me that Emma was Giselle, and I don't believe that. I realized that maybe the reason for all the pregnancies, like Sue, after my abortion was because of the buisness of womb-raiding being prevalent. I realized the recipient was probably in the same room as me during my abortions, and I remembered one chick who was talking to me at Morgentahler as I was there before I was put under. I think they started murdering women whom they stole from because of DNA testing. I think the Rusts were involved and knew what they did to Pauline, and maybe knew why her existence was ended. They started twisting my eye, I'm sure because of the new glasses they prescribed me, Ross took me to a dentist who basically did something to my teeth that made them stain, and I could feel the striations on my teeth and realized it was done on purpose back then. I have a feeling that Sue and Ross did that to someone else and that Jeffrey is really not himself. He doesn't look the same. I have a feeling they're hiding him because his teeth were not gnarly and he was a fairly normal looking boy when I last saw him, before Ross and Sue got back into my life. Maybe that's why Renee, or Rene, died. Maybe she had a pregnancy she terminated before she had kids.
2.
That means Children's Aid knowingly hid kids like Giselle, which means it is their buisness and the buisness of the hospitals involved and the government's 'free' healthcare. Again, it makes me wonder how many females actually have their own children. And when the hospital put an end to my menstrual cycle they were trying to make it seem like I couldn't get pregnant. Which means they're also involved. Which means they knew why women were dying and being murdered, and why they threw me out into the streets and started drugging me and threatening me and poisoning me. When I was first in Parry Sound everyone was bulbous, but I realized at least two chicks at two shelters I stayed at were probably pregnant, and probably with someone else's kids. That is so demented that its almost unbelievable, but it's true. They're evil, and they have murdered women. That's why this government doesn't help or let me make a report, it's been an agenda and a buisness of Children's Aid Society. I think they hid Giselle because she has Pauline's DNA. Possibly her death started an investigation into the strange deaths of many mothers. So again, is there a faction of government that actually cares about people and what was done to them, without corporate backing or government agenda? Someone on the word choice screen wrote 'bullshit', but I absolutely know it's true. I know because of what they did to me. And the sick thing is, those females that carry other women's children have no shame. They're so evil they ruin people's lives that had no clue and ruin their reputations so they don't get caught. I'd bet Jeffrey is where Ross and Sue like to vacation, mostly Hawaii. I'd bet they moved most kids they stole or who are related to mothers who were stolen from.
3.
You know what's really demented about it all? Knowing that those who did it to me were those I thought were family, friends, social workers who had my best interests. Talking to those sometimes that know and refuse to tell the truth, but then Pauline thought the Rusts were her parents and many people thought they could trust the government with their healthcare. I guess Sue at least has enough shame to not bother talking to me and creating the facade any further. It's a real knock to the reality of my life when all I knew simply ditched me and allowed me to go to the streets and have my face scarred and be threatened, essentially left for dead. No wonder this government and things around me won't do a proper investigation, and I still say those vials of blood they took from me at Dynacare labs, which just happens to be around the corner from where I'm living now, those were probably used to deny my claims and as DNA tests for mothers who stole from me. That's why they kill people I'm sure, because we are the proof. That's why I know they obstruct me from real justice and make attempts on my life intermittently.
No matter how you hack my phones, isolate me and lie about me, you things that do this to women will get caught.
4.
Eight, going on nine years of living like garbage, being mostly homeless and not knowing why no-one would help me, as they set me up to seem like something I never did, as they poison me, as they threaten me, as they deny me justice and access to people, as they build up their lies about me. Eight, going on nine years of me writing about it and them hacking my phones and letting me seem like many horrible things I'm not. They might be able to erase and hack most of what I write, but I don't think all of what I wrote will be erased or lost. I think some people are realizing some truths. I think people should realize as they poison me, as my gums start to bleed, that blaming me for the water and using that as an excuse is not their main motivation for what they did to me. These things should be in jail, and I don't think it was a coincidence that when Ross took me to Wal-Mart that the only water available was poison. They know, I know, and many who knew know I had no idea what happened and that I was a pawn and that this government won't confront me and do a proper investigation and protect my life the way it should be, the way it should've been for many innocent women.
5.
For all their confidence and snarkiness, and accusations of my sanity. Even if all my suspicions aren't correct, even if Jeffrey really did get big and ugly, even if Emma really is Giselle, even if Pauline is alive and not dead, what happened to me is true. After my pregnancies alot of dramas got worse and worse in my life, and I don't believe it's a coincidence everyone on Dentonia was making tons of noise, had the neighbour call me a drug dealer and whore and then City TV news come by to make me look like an idiot. I know all of that was designed and planned because they were going to impregnate me with Julian and have him push me to terminate my pregnancy, if that didn't happen already. The fact that the radio and news isn't honest at all, and quite often insulting and apathetic, says to me how involved most in power and in control of information they are. There are systems in place and laws in place that are designed for people like me to supposedly have protection and all they do is accuse and harass and obstruct, and have been for many years of my life. If there was any legitimacy to any of the laws and government factions working these days, I would've been allowed to make a report and to get help.
6.
By the way, this government might not care or let me make a report but these weird orangish, almost gold coloured lines that appearing around my eyes I believe are a sign of the poisons these things are subjecting me to. And regardless to what they insinuate they accuse me of, legal representation is my right and to file a report is my right.
Lisa Hoffman
Wed. Jan. 13, 2021
Last night in the middle of the night someone, I'm assuming the neighbour, was knocking on my door repeatedly as I was in a deep sleep and dreaming of course. I woke up feeling like shit, I feel like absolute shit. Drinking the milk I have doesn't even hydrate me, I'm sure they have a stock of spoiled or poisoned milk they switch up. Fucking psychos! The worst part about it is this is what they do every time to children, to single and alone women. Last night I could feel and hear them 'working', if that's what they call it. Its the way they abuse many people and make them forget about it. I saw it in my mom's life when I was young, I experienced it throughout my childhood, and the saddest thing is so many of them have children that probably aren't their own and will go through the same abuses. I saw my mom get lied about, I saw her get drugged and be scared and isolated, and they're doing the same to me for nine years. The evil these things are is unbelievable. An entire medical profession based mostly on lies and parlour tricks, stunning minds, chemicals and drugs administered to people without their consent and knowledge. Like I was saying last night, they show images on my phone, or use certain words repeatedly and I can hear them make banging noises, and like I said, it reminds me of when I was younger and had x-rays done. These thing's cruelty and the lies they create in others is evil. How many times has people's lives been shattered because their minds were messed with this way? There are those that are allowed to have their own families, those that take other people's kids, and those that largely ignore the cruelty and pain of others, and most of them are the privileged and yeah, most are white, not all, but most. All those shelters I was forced to go to, the kids I saw coming in and out of some of them, they're ruining and erasing memories and messing up their lives and they were manipulating me and shocking me. They're psychotic.
2.
And it seems most of society is willing to chalk it up to the victim's mental derangement or instability. I guess thats what they call 'the balance' of life. I think it's disgusting. They're making it so I can't keep food and beverages in my refridgerator again, as they have done for the most part of nine years. I'm going to be forced to walk around with milk if I don't want to get sick, I leave my water for one day and it becomes poison. Its in every community, it will never end as long as these disgusting, loveless things exist. It will never cease as long as the rich and privileged gain and have sacrifice to offer for their own existence of comfort whilst spewing lies to the masses. We should be living, all people should be free to do what they want as long it doesn't hurt others and go wherever they want, but its only certain ones that are allowed to because of financial freedom.
3.
I saw how these things ruined my mom's life, her mental state because of drugs they forced her to take so I'm not really afraid of what a quack's opinion of me is. I've realized alot about the corruption and dishonesty of most the healthcare in this world and something I never really thought about before as much as I should have. Iinstitutions are places where quacks are involved in all kinds of sadistic and cruel and abusive treatment of people. And most of what they say or most of the analyses and made-up psychiatric 'conditions' are excuses to silence victims, to abuse people and to experiment on people. What a psycho's opinion of me is is irrelevant. Whatever society says the majority of foster parents take other people's kids, other people who have either been murdered or abused, and in my opinion they steal those kids wills is probably also accurate and explains alot of money within that system of the parents. I still say that's the reason they stopped me from seeing Giselle and she's probably been through similar manipulations to forget aspects of her life. Stealing other people's children and money is disgusting, and that's what the system does. I'm supposed to see Ross tomorrow for my birthday, that's going to be weird and awkward as always, but that's another aspect of human loneliness they take advantage of. That's all victims like me know. All I know is I don't want to know the same circle of psychopaths that have always abused me and don't intend to live getting poisoned and drugged by things with no emotions. I have to hand in my paperwork for my annual 'review' in order to be able to live off the streets, but any sane and rational human being would know everything that's being done to me is illegal technically, but obviously law is a joke in this world, and also ethically immoral. The more apathy and lies and sarcasm I hear on the radio and elsewhere to myself is an example of more things perpetuating an abusive system to gain for themselves.
4.
Does anyone else notice that I get poisoned and my health gets worse and then sometimes I get Christmas or birthday money to get hydrated again or healthy somewhat? I find it weird. I find it weird no-one cares about what they do to my health, but thats what the majority of Canada's healthcare institutions are. I feel like shit today, my piss is dark and more concentrated, in very dehydrated and feel almost unenergetic and definitely lonely all the time, but tomorrow the illusion will be I have money, I'm getting beer, so I do it to myself and my health isn't that bad. That's yet another illusion they create about me and my life. The sad and cruel manwich if the two sides, both pretending they're the victims when they're all financially gaining and living freedoms many don't have the privilege of. No-one even cares about what they're doing to my health. And the strange thing is, is a person like me, who for years has been tolerating this, tends to to almost adjust and accept our fate as we literally get slowly get killed with no justice, no words and not even one friend to alleviate the loneliness we have. No-one with any real emotions would think a person living like this for nine years when they did nothing wrong is normal nor acceptable. No-one except hard-timers could ever understand this kind of isolation and at least they have each other to talk to. This level of cruelty is beyond imagination and no-one will ever think how day in and day out of this for nine years and more feels. I don't think most would survive a year of this. They're sick and demented and this system is not legitimate no matter how many desperate attempts they make to make it seem normal.
5.
I've spent the better part of this week doing almost nothing, sitting around, except for my trip to downtown, but today I decided to sweep and mop and clean my apartment. Whenever I sit around and get made sick or drugged and then all of a sudden feel like I have motivation, I always feel like there's a reason for it, an ulterior motive. Just like as I said I'll be going out tomorrow to get groceries and do something for my birthday and usually I just sit around these days lonely and wondering why there's no help for people like me. Anyway, after my shower, I'll try to hand in my housing review so I can live in this shithole if I need to for at least the rest of this winter.
.
6.
Ross just called and said there's a new rule, a total stay-at-home order. He said only grocery stores and drug stores and 'things like that' will be open. I always get this feeling whatever's said has a dual meaning, and I'll always say the 'things' are different and the four hundred lb. man show they had, as I've said before, shows what happens when people get fat. Anyway, he said he's going to show up today instead. I still say it's a manwich and always will. So far I've been inert, drank beer since I was a teenager and ate normal food and have never been bulbous. I'm sure there are people that understand. It seems the monsters have relented a little on the poisons today which means they got something they wanted I'm sure. I don't know what to do. I still believe that peoples analogy of Satan and the devil has a very real scientific truth to it. Most of the things I've been seeing since my life fell apart resemble and behave like animals. And the fact this government lets me get poisoned and made sick by things around and doesn't let me make a report shows what side their on. Not people's. A cop even just drove by me and I've made so sick my piss turned almost brown and I had nothing to do with the water they refuse to talk about and I still am not offered legit legal representation. Its all bullshit but I'm only one and they are many, so what can I do?
7.
My guess is all these vehicles that are shark-tanking the area want their proverbial 'devils' back and poison me until they get released. I'm not sure though, I just know neither have been kind nor honest to me. They'll get what they deserve. I've been thinking about all the horrible things they do to me and how no-one does anything and last night I was thinking again about the smear campaign against me most of my life which I know I could prove and could've ten years ago if anyone had been there to help me. I can see what they are physically also though now that my eyes have been opened to what this world is. I'm still not even sure if Huong is my real mom and not just some stand-in after some event like these past years and just lost me because she said something. It's possible I lost two moms. I've seen what they were doing to children and the fact that no-one talks about it is terrifying and horrible. The worst aspect is they pretend it doesn't happen, even the cops. All who don't care should, it could happen to them.
Lisa Hoffman
Sat. June 27, 2020
Yesterday I went to my neighbours and met two new beings. For some reason I can't remember their names at all today. They look like a darker version of Steve Rust. The female looked a little bit like me in the face, but not really the same feet or arms or body shape. To be honest though it really does make me think about who my parents really are and my origins. But what bothers me is my inability to retain names these days and even what's said sometimes. My hands aren't like hers. My hands are closer to that white kid I met in the park when I was hanging around that Dan guy.
You know that guy that I had a DVD of said democracy was two wolves and a sheep deciding what to have for supper, it really seems this way. Like I said, I've seen both get bulbous. Sometimes it really does feel like there's more predator than prey these days. A simple conversation I could have and remember would be nice.
2.
Once when I was working at the bookstore I was talking a guy who I always thought looked like the actor from 'Something Wicked This Way Comes' and a female walked by who was long limbed and dark with really long hair and the guy said that she was a real earth mother and possibly from Burma and that he dated a girl from Burma once. Later I saw her and she was bigger. That makes me feel uneasy, but like I've said I've seen it in long and short beings which I still believe is the two 'wolves' that guy on the DVD spoke of metaphorically. Who is exactly like me I'm still not sure. My hair is thinning, Kathy's was not but her teeth were gone. Fat things mostly have hair and Kathy was flicking it alot and almost bragging about it like she knew before I did that my hair would start falling out. She really is a hateful beast. The weird thing is they all knew I had no clue about my life and why they hated me but they still are nasty in the most conniving ways. I'm still not totally sure about what's what and the reasons. All I wanted was a normal life and for whatever reason I was never allowed. For some reason both Kathy and that Dan guy and others have opened their legs at me in a crude way, which I really find repulsive. I'm not sure what they mean by that. I find it absolutely disgusting though and it's definitely deliberate. That's why I keep trying to say I'm human, because I don't behave like an animal like them. I have strange idiosynchrocies but those are not deliberate actions like how they spread their legs at me and if I become aware I try to change it, like sometimes I've noticed it will seem like I'm holding my hand in a weird way so when I realize I try to adjust, but what they do is very deliberate. That's why I know I'm human, I don't use body language on purpose or deliberately try to mess with words or mess with heads like they do. I guess blind and naive people like me are at the mercy of all that know and what I think is exactly what I wrote before.
3.
That people and life are missing and they're divvying up the booty(as in death and misery), and all the thievery and disrespect from others was them knowing my life was basically forfeit and they figured I don't matter so they might as well steal from me and humiliate me in the meantime. I see the buildings around me, I see what was in most of them after I left the city and I know they're angry at me because many of them are sick. That's about all I know as facts, the rest I have to guess at.
4.
Well, in my opinion I've separated myself morally from both sides since I refuse to eat meat anymore and in that way I can be sure of who I am. Know thyself they say and that's what I'm trying to do the best I can.
5.
I've been thinking about their jealousy, the Rusts and others. You know it really does seem to be a black and white competition, but it wasn't my idea or my fault. Mrs. Rust hated me, their kids were cruel to me. She wasn't the most attractive. I remember sometimes how my stepmother Sue said about Kathy how it was too bad about how her life went and how she was so pretty and I'm pretty too. I was supposed to be their daughter. It wasn't my competition, it wasn't my fault, but for some reason they wouldn't relent until I was insecure and sad. Like I said, their ugliness is inside and I wasn't competing with them. That's how fucked in their heads they are, whilst making regular people seem insane. I never could understand it, but I always tried to avoid it as they tried constantly to shove it in my face. They're so evil, they really are. After my breasts were deformed it was non-stop display of themselves. I had no idea, like I said, back then I didn't make much distinction between black and white but I learned early that they do. I think they're really stupid for everything they did to me, especially when I had no idea why. They don't really seem to think about that. After a while I just figured they were inherently competitive and mean, and really it turns out to be true. And it does make them feel good when I'm sad so they're also inherently cruel, but they don't seem intelligent enough to realize I never knew why. I don't think that's all whites, I think its mostly those white things and their idiot children. Maybe everyone else just goes along with the mentality, like how everyone in Burlington would say "O my god" all the time or like how at one time everyone had hoola-hoops. Fads and trends and similar mentalities. They really are relentless when it comes to me though and I can't say enough how cowardly they are for the ways they attacked me and hurt me as a child. I guess now I know though.
6.
Lets just say we are all created in the image of the beings, and they have their competitions and jealousies amongst each other, why wouldn't beings like Mrs. Rust and others be intelligent enough to know it's not our fault? I thought her jealousy was really weird and sometimes I do wonder if it's some past indiscretion of Mr. Rust that made her so hateful. I was told it was fear and not hate, that's not true. It was hatred and jealousy from the start that I never knew or understood. It hurt my feelings alot growing up but now I think they're all idiots for taking out their resentments on people who had no idea. I would never do what they did to me. Some people for whatever reason are more individualistic than others and I'm one of them. I started to avoid it all but for whatever reason that wasn't satisfactory enough for them. It was always their fight not mine. It's no wonder those things including Ross won't acknowledge what was done to my face, which the most recent scar was put there by a brown thing strangely enough. Sometimes I feel like I can't be the only one, and I don't get bulbous and I'll never trust that. There's also obviously a competition of creativity which all the idiots took out on me as well. Mrs. Rust yelling at me that I'm not the only one that can play piano was weird at best. I would never be so mean to a child. Then the competition of music and them thinking they own a genre which I never knew, like I said, it wasn't my competition. All that moronic behavior from Carlos, Erich, Spiros, Anna(whom I don't even know), her buddies,Alex Erdhart, my stolen artworks and music, all done to me by idiots who were having a competition I was unaware of. I'd rather be with a person who is normal and kind and appreciates the value of hard work and self efforts rather than thievery and destruction of people's property. I think they're all really horrible beings. Not one of them said anything honest to me as my life was falling apart, cowards.
7.
I really am afraid I'll never meet an individual who can appreciate who I am as a person before I die. I just want to know a real man. I'm tired of idiots, I really am, their issues are really not my problem. Is there individuals in this world who don't see me as one of them, knows me for who I really am, appreciated me and doesn't want to kill or eat me? I know Kathy's 'people' will never be that.
8.
I guess going to a predominantly white government who's been abusive most of my life and telling them my life has been turmoil because of racism is redundant. Understand they're not the most just or intellectual beings and try to survive and hope one day I meet a real man.
9.
Yeah and especially since they inundate the media with their images of different ethnicities and have their token blacks and browns who get successful, anyone who complains of racism they can say, "Oh that's bullshit! Look at so and so who's successful and look at those wealthy blacks or asians." They do that on purpose so that the ones that really do get abused are never believed.
Lisa Hoffman
Mon. Oct. 12, 2020
1-13 omitted
14.
So I had my supper, was doing my nails and thinking about my situation, and was thinking again about my so-called 'family' having ties to the military in some way, both Canadian and American, but mostly American. And actually the only Canadian military I can think of was Dave's friend and Jessica Deschamps. And then I started thinking about her again, how my womb had already been raided twice, and we drove her to the army base and it was empty and quiet when we got there and only one cop car was in that area. When we got back to Toronto traffic was backed up and Scott and I smoked a joint around a bunch of traffic and had problems returning her truck she rented. Cops have no jurisdiction over the army, and the army has never cared about civilians they fuck over and hurt and use. The only thing that gives me some gratification, is every dumb broad that ever womb-raided me will never have freedoms either. Serves them right! And neither will their children. And I was thinking about a documentary I saw about a guy in the army who's girlfriend was raped and murdered on an army base by, I believe three fellow recruits, and had problems getting justice and I think he even was discharged. So I get stolen from my mom and my life and mind has been abused ever since, and quite honestly most these days don't represent the humanity I used to know. And so I was right about these disgusting new cops being more military police than real police and why my life can be threatened and harassed and I get drugged and mind fucked and denied my rights and denied answers. Because the military doesn't care about human life, never has.
15.
And all those that I've been told were my family members were almost all military, except my mom as far as I know. Her boyfriend Chuck was a normal guy supposedly, a bit fucked in the head though. Garnet supposedly had me when I was two years old, and the Rusts say the same thing. Only I remember grandad's place when I was young, not theirs. He's FSSF. My supposed half-brother, who probably isn't anymore, but I did have one and remember him from when I was young, was American Air Force. I had pictures of supposed cousins whom I've never met that were American Air Force. Dave's friend was Canadian navy and Jesse was joining the army. And like I said, every bitch who raided my womb will get what they deserve. I've lived my existence of hell, I'll bet they never get real freedom and neither will their kids, who are probably technically mine. Disgusting world, disgusting beings. There's only two jobs of the military; to kill and be killed.
16.
And all those disgusting dudes I was with and all my so-called friends knew I was going to be tossed into the streets and started divvying up my belongings and my music and my art like taking the boots from a dead man before he's dead, that's how disgusting they are, and how aware they are. Oh yeah, and Ross, my supposed father, communications guy for the American Air Force. No fucking wonder no-one ever cared about me or my life. No fucking wonder I was abused in the most disgusting ways. Are they the lesser of two evils? I don't know, I doubt it, probably hand in hand doing the 'devil's' work, as they say.
17.
But how they shock my head these days, how they divide my words up and try to make me seem involved in some ridiculous code, is all bullshit and only began just as my life started to unravel. They've been slowly killing me since I was a kid anyway and only exploited me how they could in the meanwhile. Like I said, I'm a dog groomer and a bookstore chick and a labourer and a Beerstore cashier. I never volunteered for nor joined the military, nor would I. Are they fighting the bad guys? I don't know, maybe, but I don't appreciate how I was used regardless and the eyes in my life are sick and demented.
18.
Anyway, these things around still don't bother to talk to me and show a complete lack of respect for my life and human rights. I haven't figured out exactly who did what to me, but I know my mom told me they put something inside me, and I'm sure the Rusts took it out when I was living with them, and they punished me ever since. All I know for sure is that family was evil, what Kathy did to me was evil and my life ever since has been surrounded by horrible, ugly, mean beings who do not look normal most of the time. I still wonder if the real army and real police died when I was young and all that remains is hybrids and nasty things who do shitty things to any human left. "Mounting revenge. Pure hatred of men" I guess that's communication I was unaware of. That much was true obviously.
19.
In that regard, maybe they were more men than what's been around me most of my life. I still think Jessie is more animal than human. She had weird eyebrows and a weird influence. I don't like those eyebrows, I find them mean and dicey at best. Moody and can be a bad vibe. I still think I was altered as a child to look like something else. I still believe I was meant to hug and kiss and swim and be around people, not abused and womb-raided by disgusting beings. I think I was mis-used and mis-led and exploited and I think they fucked my life and the world with their selfish decisions. If they do survive, they don't deserve to.
21.
I can't say enough how evil it was how they used me. And if there was another life form helping them, I would never help them again.
22.
And like I said, Julian was with a chick named Sylvia and another chick when I met him and before he got with me. Sylvia had a twin sister who already kids and as far as I remember she had two and I saw her at Family Day on the island and thought it was Sylvia until I saw the kids. Both Jesse and Sue had kids around my pregnancy terminations and Jesse went to the army base. Alex's mom's bitch friend cut my hair like Eugenia's, or whatever her real name is and Angelo drove Alex to Niagra Falls the day of our wedding and if she was in the van with them they could say or think it was me maybe. So we might've even married in 1998, the year before I thought because they've been fucking with all my belongings and my head. And that would explain the phony divorce papers. Who Carlos used me for I have no idea. All of them are very nasty and selfish. I don't know who for sure it was but I can say you have to be really demented in the head to raise someone's kid you stole. And then watch them get humiliated and degraded and abused afterwards and then take the fall for it all, even though I had no idea. I believe I was special, and I believe I was meant to help. And I still believe that they all chose to use me for profit and selfish reasons and I believe that's how unworthy they are as any kind of life form. How they hurt my life now and what they're allowing to happen to me, I really believe that whatever nasty thing happens to them they'll deserve, and as I've said, if I'm exploitable, then so are they, and they chose to be nasty, I was never given choices. That's a fact. I was deluded and lied to since day one since I was taken from my mom.
23.
So my trip to California where I got so sick my throat felt like it was closing was after my abortions, so they very well could've been harming my life. And afterwards when I moved to Queen St. Dan might've had intentions to hurt me. So Scott and Angelo also don't care about my life and Angelo seemed willing to kill me. And the disgusting thing about it all is I was a victim most of my life. They watched me cry about it, they listened to me talk about it and pretended to care, all the while using me and knowing they were. And so now I wonder what was Janet's incentive for hurting me and where did her son come from? They really are hateful, evil beings. And where did all their money come from when I went to the streets? Did they all have a large sum deposited in some account for them and how they all got new houses, including Anne-Marie? That bitch who took me to Midland when I didn't even know what had happened up there and looked like I was guilty for something I never was? All because they used me and didn't want to get caught? I can't say enough how evil they all are. I honestly hope all of them finally get a human conscience one day, but I doubt it. I'd bet Ken isn't even dead. They probably all got money and fucked off knowing this country would get fucked, except the bold ones like Anne-Marie and Janet and Angelo obviously who have their houses to attend to. I wish for none of them to ever know true comfort and honestly one day get every nasty thing done to them that they did to me.
24.
I wouldn't do to my worst enemy what they all did to me. None of them have any understanding of what real love is. They all shit on my love.
25.
So back to my one of my original questions. Did I ever have a real friend at all, and does anyone say the truth about me ever?
26.
If any of you things had any respect for me, you would've talked to me long ago, and you still don't, and you still make references outside my balcony or door and don't confront me. You things think you're all above the law and untouchable and every disrespectful thing you do to me will never happen to you. That's why you have no sympathy, but life has a funny way of paying back assholes who think they're untouchable. I will leave one day if you don't kill me first like you try to, and you will not have me to hide behind. And your lies about me, and your humiliations of me, and the way you all ruined my face, life and reputation will come back on you. You're not all above bigger things than yourself even if you're military or a monster.
And all those who control and block my internet, I will go to a crowded city where real internet exists and I will tell who stole from me and how.
Lisa Hoffman
Wed. Dec. 23, 2020
I decided to go downtown today. First I tried stopping at the Long and McQuade's but a chick stopped me at the door and said they wouldnt let me in. I went to Spadina and got some Vienamese subs. Stopped at Steve's and bought a pedal, I'll see if I get distortion at least, got some new strings. That's something I guess. I stopped at the liquor store and hot a six-pack of beer and a bottle of wine for the holidays. Everyone seems to try and draw my attention to their acne or the tiny little lines on their cheeks, as though they're the same as me, as though someone carved into their face and left a gouge across their cheek and forehead. I was almost in tears most of the day because of how shitty I look and how everyone acts as though they're the same and the lack of justice. They're not me, they're not guinea pigs, they weren't womb-raided and scarred on purpose repeatedly. I was really pretty and I still say much of it was jealousy and wanting to exploit me and have no sympathy from anyone. I think they're all disgusting. I only got shocked a few times so they were slightly nicer today. Only one black guy deliberately kicked my cart today.
2.
They wouldn't accept my password for my e-mail account and made me use a code number then I re-entered my old password. There's no reason I was logged out in the first place.
3.
The disgusting things are messing with my phone again and when I see the multi-windows the facebook page is black. Oh yeah, and I've decided to call Islington station 'spineless-thing' station. In memory of the coward who pretended to care about me and heard me cry about my face for years then let them gouge my face and left me to suffer on the streets. Happy holidays to all the cowards and liars in my life who let me suffer and lied to and about me.
4.
There's also a phenomenal amount of traffic, not usual. I guess the drama and illusion of my happiness and their understanding is today. It's all a disgusting joke. A bunch of evil and selfish beings who are trying to pretend they're not and will give the illusion because I have beer and some music that I'm okay and my life is tolerable and that they're fair and just or some bullshit. I guess that's why the added censorship and hacking of my phone today.
5.
Like I said, I will find justice somehow and I don't believe everyone I knew is willing to lie about me or let me lied about. All I need is one or two real people to stand up for me and tell the truth. Maybe this government will one day do it's job and confront me about what happened and why, and why I feel punished and detained with no explanations or legal representation.
Lisa Hoffman
Thurs. Oct. 15, 2020
I woke up this morning with my left pinky curled up and cramped so badly I had to unfurl it with my other hand. These disgusting things are going to give me a stroke like I said. If mentality has always been that I'm the enemy or a mind fucker, why did they pretend to be friends really? The Bookstore was an example of how alone I could be a good vibe and not affect anybody in a bad way which is why things like James would get around and my head would get fucked or fat things or idiots would come in and start dramas for no reason. Anyone who's spent any one-on-one time with me should know who I really am, what my personality was. Most people don't know I'm a fake I guess. I still believe that the Rusts and Kathy set me up and those places I rented were deliberate so I would be isolated and blamed for the waters which I say they were planning since I was a kid. There's a video on YouTube that reminds me of someone from my childhood so much that it bothers me that I can't remember. Their manniserisms and their jokes reminds me of some guys I was hanging around for a short while but I can't remember who. Its a nice feeling for a change but small favours in a time where my human rights are denied for years, small moments of happiness when everything that's happened to me is illegal and cruel hardly seems fair. Something has really had it out for me since day one. When Roger moved away and sold his bookstore and pet store, I guess that was the beginning of the end for this country. Now at least I know what they are but it hardly matters if I can't find anyone man enough or even caring enough to talk to me. They're petty and hateful creatures, that's all I know. Shameless constant lies from a bunch of guilt-free cowards. It's too cold and miserable to make my way anywhere and they know it so its going to be a hell winter of boredom and poisons for something I never deserved or did. There are broads who worked at the Sobey's who saw me almost every day,
2.
....and it seems like none of them bothered to stand up for me. They either switched up my water as I was hanging with that guy across the hall, or it was poison anyway. Any time they offer any help or conversation its always to hurt me and the yelling outside when I was at his place was probably a distraction so they could open my door. They're all evil and cowardly and cruel. Next summer if I'm alive to save my life I'm going to be forced to move back onto the streets. Otherwise these things will end up killing me. That's the only reason that thing ever knocks on my door. What a bunch of losers! A whole team of cowards hurting me, a single alone woman. That's how terrible their hateful minds are.
3.
They'll live and die as cowards, more cowardly and deceitful than a single woman. These things have no shame.
4.
My right gland is swollen again. Since these creeps aren't human enough to talk to me and tell me the truth this is going to be the way I live until I die of whatever cancerous substances they're switching up my food and water with, and there is no laws protecting me anymore, not that there ever was really.
5.
It's like a war that's never talked about but I'm blamed for and involved in somehow, even though I never knew there was enemies all around and I was hated and resented. It's like being made to be involved in a war when all I ever was was a musician and an artist and a writer. And that's how cowards get other cowards to do their killing for them.
6.
You know what I was just remembering? How all the grass in our backyard was dying and how it was probably water from our hose in the back that was killing it. But someone was dumping poison into our garden in the back before that even. And when I tried to show police they didn't care, and when I showed them I had some dirt saved from where they were dumping the poisons they didn't care. Even the police around me were corrupt so probably another reason why no-one stands up for me and why everyone acts as though I didn't live in that neighbourhood for almost twenty years.
7.
I realized a long time ago that the way most females survive in this world is by appealing to the perversions of the males these days and bearing them children, foregoing love. My problem is I always looked for love and it really doesn't exist in the truest form these days. I suppose that's another incentive for nasty things to scar my face, as I've said before. These males are repulsive and I don't believe things like Alex or any other male I've ever been with has the emotional depth to feel true love. I think they're infatuated with shallowness, attractiveness and 'kiss-assiveness'. Not something I ever care to be again. Proof to myself that I've lived life blind and mentally raped is that now that my eyes are opened, I'm not attracted to any of them.
8.
The truth is they were always womb-raiding me but in order for them to get away with it i have to be with one of their males. Since I'm not attracted to Pakistanis or Blacks or Asians or Indians they got vengeful. So whatever race that coward was that scarred my face did so because he knew there'd never be a chance I'd ever be with that. That might be why they drugged me and I passed out at that show. Alex would drift from me and other males would get friendly, but the reality is none of them cared about me. They all used me and none of them feel enough remorse to even tell the truth. Even as I figured it out for myself, went through years of undeserved punishment and torture, none of these cowardly things will acknowledge the truth to me nor compensate me. They're all selfish and evil. If I had known how all the disgusting things were using me, punishing me for what was never my fault I would never have let any of them get close to me. I'm so disgusted by all of them, it's unbelievable but I'm still going to try to get truth and justice if I survive this winter.
9.
The most disgusting aspect is realizing that my supposed mother and dad were doing that to me. I wrote about how just as my marriage was falling apart I visited Ross and Sue and she was showing her ass and her thong underwear she was wearing. What, was she looking to raid my womb again and was going to say she slept with my supposed husband if anything went wrong? And that's the reason Ross and Sue supposedly had marital trouble? How sick in the head is she? And any guy talking to me or trying to seem interested in me was a competitor for my womb? They really are all despicable horrid beings who deserve to have their lives and reputations ruined as they did mine. I wonder where Jeffrey really is? I wonder if Julian had to sleep with Jessica or if they used his girlfriends? That is so gross! Unbelievable but absolutely true. What a shameless, horrid thing my stepmother is. If they had any decency they'd be honest, they'd compensate and they'd leave me the hell alone! Does anyone recognize how cruel and evil that is to do to a human being who believed they were family and friends? Does anyone out there have any moral decency whatsoever? And that broad that keeps calling and harassing me? Another womb-raider? Friend of psychos and hateful abusers? Fuck you all!
10.
Like I said, I can't be the only one. There has to be another woman out there who is the same and understands me. No wonder Sue wouldn't help me as my life was falling apart. No wonder her SUV would seem to appear around me and why Mardy had a similar vehicle as he was driving me up north to that Parry Sound but I didn't end up staying at the shelter that time because Emma, or whoever she is, offered me her place to stay. And I guess Ross had all my stuff in storage so that his psycho-bitch wife could get rid of any proof. Only they know that my DNA is all the proof I need and why they hurt me and threaten my life. And that's why there's so many new and colour-coded cars around me. They're all teamsters willing to hurt me and end my life for how they all used me. They have absolutely no remorse nor feel any guilt and are shamelessly trying to blame me. I have a feeling that all those vials of blood they took from me, they tried or did use to try and prove me wrong and say they were my DNA or something. I'm seriously so disgusted by it all and how everyone repays me with how I know I was supposed to help this world by hurting me and trying to end my life and make it seem like an accident.
11.
And another disgusting aspect of my life as I was bawling and wondering why I didn't feel loved, and my supposed husband was becoming aloof and even abusive, dudes were coming around me when I was at the Beerstore and elsewhere being friendly, all the while thinking 'oooh, we can raid her womb soon!'. Not thinking about my feelings, my misery, my life. I've always been surrounded by a shark-tank of womb-raiders and that's disgusting. And that's why there was busloads of children being carted away up north, to the island in Parry Sound. I guess that's how they use many women and why so many women's lives and reputations get ruined. I seriously wonder what goes on in their fucked up heads as they accuse victims of insanity or criminal behavior and seem to insinuate I should go to New York where probably more water damage has been done and somewhere I've never been yet.
12.
Ross and Sue's job is probably to mess up people's minds and reputations if we ever learn the truth. All their weird behavior and detractions of reality is to belittle out minds and believability. They very well had a kid in-vitro using their own eggs and sperm to detract from the real womb-raiders because it is their buisness. Timing is everything. Anyone around me or with me would be involved, but it's who I slept with that would have to be involved with the womb-raider is a fact.
13.
Maybe Ross and Sue had someone else they were using?
T brew
Lessons from world history, now a conspiracy theory.
TV said they don't exist, so you're crazy to insist.
There are no corporate views, embedded in the news.
So much strong emotion, and exact phrase repitition
Mean it MUST be truth, and nothing is aloof.
Its just so, so..... so freaking MIND BOTTLING.
I have books filled with rhymes like this, many easily turned to songs and wished I could meet the right band or rapper locally. I loved Sir Mixalot and Immortal techniques political lyrics when I was younger. I noticed long ago that most people in society refuse to learn beyond a corporate sponsored opinion or their present world view. Repitition seems to become truth and automated regurgitation is their thoughtform. It saddened me to be surrounded by automatons. I decided for a while to use the same tactics to plant seeds of thought or truth, or even to just get it off my chest if that failed. Repetition and rhyme seems to help bypass negative psychological reactions like cognative dissonance and amygdala hijacks. It helps. The same people who would reject a house bill as (non-existent) conspiracy theory rather than read the darn thing, would actually agree in a sarcastic "yep, it sucks" kinda way, rather than simply reject learning or doing anything to change. Its not the best, but short and pretty memorized, so there's a quickie.
I think that had more lines but it's enough to make the point. It was mine but feel free to put it on any bathroom walls you like. I did it during bush2 and media has only got worse since.
If people dismiss the concept you try to get across, maybe rhyme and rythm can get them writing senators and governers before it is too late, rather than calling it bs, then whining about the effects of it years later.. Just because the tv did not cram it down their throat with emotional contagion and phrase repetition.
First time I have heard this song, but I love it
Lisa Hoffman
After the slaughter.
Who lives on with comfort and quality of life.
In my opinion is an enabler.
The ones who suffer they are indifferent to.
And all that's left is them and the breeders.
But they've all learned how to pretend to care.
It is necessary for their shallow survival.
And the rest all led by their televisions and visual stimulants.
Will eventually forget who and what to care about altogether.
There are those who seem human, but they will feel strange and distant.
And the real people who don't see them for what they are will feel lonely.
And they will continue the illusion until the next time to kill.
And they will again silence all the victims and feign glory.
In the end those left standing see the blatant greed and hypocrisy.
And continue on silenced and ostracized for the sake of the continuance of the new humanity.
And in awe of the lack of acknowledgement and the many who live in apathy.
Every sick perversion, every cruel exploitation is swept under the rug again.
As they tell the new future this is now and that was then, all over again.
Victims demonized, the ignorant held high in moral standing.
As they believe they are the new righteous ones, but most don't really see them.
If you are a real victim, you will not have a public voice nor real friends.
And when your life falls apart they will desperately try to find a means to your end.
And then blame you and lie about you to make others feel the nothing they barely feel anyway.
And you most likely won't have anyone to help you because you never had real friends or family.
You are a sacrificial lamb, made to seem like nothing since youth.
Believe me my words will not be heard because they have means to make us deaf.
We have a mechanism within us, that makes us resent and disbelieve truth.
That same mechanism is how they rape and abuse and make us silent.
After time we have to forget because there is no real law.
Calling a person a drug addict or crazy is their non-stop tactic and flaw.
And most will believe them, because we're put out into the streets.
Even if we have experience and talent, they will scar and disfigured our face.
So now we're scarred, made ugly and drugged by them.
Harassed until we go almost insane, as the public shames and humiliates again.
And all that knew us, who were never real friends though we never knew.
They will join together to spread the lies that I or you were never sane or true.
They act as though they're so caring and understanding.
But inside we feel something isn't quite right.
Their eyes sometimes seem cold, but not always, but they're missing something inside.
They sell fun and adventure, but are always judging or trying to incite.
They encourage habits, it's their paycheque, it's their comforts, it's their life.
It's so plain to see, so obvious.
The quality of life they themselves have, and what they expect of us.
That's always been, and the silence about those they've slain and ignored
Becomes another page in our twisted history books.
Most women like me don't even know there's barely any men left.
That's why there's a pandemic of women's abuse and after divorce homelessness.
Real men can love, most only breed or fuck these days
They invented the expression of female hysteria, because we feel their lack of love.
Real men don't put women onto the streets, destitute and to be shamed.
But the things I was with have no morals, only selfish gain.
They've taken up the role of breeding, because men will always resist.
But in the end a war is what they always want. Another killing with an empty excuse.
That's how they eradicated most real emotion and care in the first place.
We are distracted by lies, media, glamour and occasional fun.
As they prepare for and cause the reasons we will be under the gun.
And after we die they will go back to their mansions.
And they will raise and teach your stolen children.
And they will learn the same greed and apathy.
It's their job, it's their existence, it's their money.
When I was young I was told I should appreciate that someone is raising me.
No love, no understanding, no inclusion in their family.
And the silence they instill makes us barely able to argue or complain at all.
And every abuse is a lie, is a story, is our personality flaw.
They seem so normal, so efficient, so kind, so personable.
But if we spend any length of time with them, we see what they really are.
There was a problem with sexual abuse throughout my entire life.
And when my life fell apart all kinds were trying to reverse the blame.
Not just males either. Stupid and horrid females.
Disgusting creatures we never saw or knew, things that are not the same.
Things that perpetuate our lack of justice.
Fat females bringing their kids around me into inappropriate places.
With cameras and dramas, that's how stupid those things are with no shame.
They have no guilt about lying, they feel nothing when that time comes.
And then some behave like victims
So blind people won't know who to blame.
People will never really understand them, but they creep around us and blend in.
When that time comes we see who really is not human but it's usually too late.
They raise their boys to be vain and give them superiority rights.
And they themselves are females, but they do sick things for their males.
If you've ever seen other females who do disgusting things to children and women
That's what they are, that's their minds, that's their roles
They say we are all people, we are all blind.
They are liars, they are not people, most people have been destroyed.
And the ones who are truly blind always believe the most clever of illusionists so we stay apart.
But the less men there are, the more they become phony and empty.
The less there's a resistance, the less there's any sincere quality.
Which is probably another reason religions keep the family unity.
Because the love that once kept us together is lost and the illusion of love necessitates their carnal need for more bodies.
And those who are truly blind are actually a minority.
And used by all who gain and are aware, without justice or liberty.
If they don't care, they really don't care.
I tried my whole life to understand why.
I am food, others are food, but there are more opportunists willing to exploit for their better quality of life.
I wouldn't, I was raised that way, by the hypocrites who had their saying.
Don't do as I do, do as I say.
And they lied to me every day.
But told me I shouldn't dare lie to them because they'll know, and I have no right to disrespect them that way.
They have no shame, they have no guilt, they feel almost nothing.
But they can cry, they can dramatize, they can act.
But inside I'm convinced they feel nothing as they subtly make us a slave.
And every question we ever have is stupid and every tear we shed is a crocodile tear.
Meanwhile with all sincerity I was a very sad kid who lived in fear.
Bodies, money, their own freedoms is what they covet.
Whilst they tell us to work hard and know what it is to earn a living.
The disgusting hypocrisy of them all is something I find not worthy of forgiving.
They travel, many get quite old, many never lose their homes, many will never be cold, except in their hearts.
But they all have a story, how they suffer, how they try.
But the children who are not their own are a commodity for you to buy.
I always used to say you can't get rich without stepping on heads.
And if you're truly aware you'll see there's a reality in that belief.
As they make thousands, even millions and tell us to appreciate our meager gains.
We will learn to appreciate we're even able to have a meal if that's what they allow for us.
They've poisoned me most of my life, caused bumps and holes in my skin.
They themselves are sold as beauty, but a purity and ugliness within.
There is no law for how they disfigured me, there's no-one who even cares.
And if you doubt my belief the world is less human.
You should look harder at yourself and the lack of compassion that is theirs.
As soon as I turned adult, they began with their exploitation and poisoning of me.
And in my childhood it was always there, but done more subtly.
All the things I would accuse them of becomes my confusion and insanity.
As they drug, as they shock the mind, to inhibit our chance for lucidity.
And that reinforces their lie, and displays to the public our dishonesty.
But the truth is they are perverse and cruel and everything they do is caused and done deliberately.
There are moments some snap, there are those who make bad decisions.
But it's those who contrive and plan, and carry out our demise and ruined reputations.
Those are the evil, those are the manipulators, those are who lie to us continuously.
And the new world people who have ambitions and survival in their empty skulls.
Only want their own validity.
So that the ones thrown to the wayside will be labelled as being unstable.
By others as though they didn't cause it, perpetuate it, so they could be more stable.
The love you hear in songs and see on your screens is another vicarious example of what once made us real people.
But the unity they talk of is another delusion so you will all ignore the abuse of real people.
Lisa Hoffman
The 20 year cycle of ‘that was then, this is now.’
After every slaughter, after every abuse.
For every human misery, there's always an excuse.
But the truth they know is it's non-stop and never-ending.
That's the buisness of human suffering.
They Jews were slaughtered but that was then.(In reality it was mostly human women and men.)
But watch how quickly it all starts again.
They know it takes only time to forget our experiences.
But our pain and humiliation is what they silence about us.
So after every human atrocity, or any human trafficking ring.
They say that was then, these days we're more forgiving.
Which is utter bullshit, and real people know it.
But after decades of silence the majority will forget about it.
And during that decade they create lies, propaganda and hate.
To silence and denounce victims, seal our miserable fate.
They mock it, but most don't know.
They repeat the same mistakes because it's how they make their dough.
Life is a buisness of the exploitation of the naive and blind.
After the slaughter though, if you're still alive.
They say we should thank them that were raped and not dead instead.
As we watch the next generation and lies they'll be fed.
There is no shame among any of them.
The truth will never be told by them.
It’s the victims who try to speak and are humiliated.
Made to seem as though every story is fabricated.
Watch as those who violated walk free among us.
With a smirk on their faces and cash in their wallets.
Careers and an unseen certificate of sanity.
While we’re accused of mental instability.
They build their lives, they build their families.
While our lives are left shattered and in pieces.
But the children will grow and there'll be new fads.
And the old victims will fade as new ones are recruited.
And when it comes their time to not be believed.
The slaughter that is this world will soon be perceived.
Lisa Hoffman
Tues. June 30, 2020
I passed really early yesterday and today I'm up really early. According to my phone its 4:30am. I think they've changed yesterday's text already and the light on my music player was on and off all night as it was plugged into the radio to charge but the radio was off. I woke up thinking about certain beerstore customers, how much money they had, how their appearance was. I think many around me might have been in the porn industry willingly, I think that's what Alex was hired as. To pretend to me that life was normal and to violate me at the same time. I think I need to talk to somebody who takes law seriously because I really believe I was exploited since I was a child. I've been talking to strange people on the phone and they don't let me through to normal police and ever since my life fell apart every scumbag has been trying to make me look cheap and seem addicted to something. I think most of it has to do with the Rusts and kids, then kicking me out to be violated by other scumbags. That poem I wrote about how I was given the 'rape tits' I'm sure it's true. I was only a little girl the first time I remember being suspicious, that's how disgusing they are. I believe all of them are involved in some 'industry' that violates unsuspecting people and I was a victim and I think I'm right that they scarred my face and ruined my body because of it, to try and erase proof. I honestly think they're all disgusting. And the scumbags around me are trying to make me seem like a willing participant. That's probably why they were drugging me, harassing me. They probably got caught and destroyed this country with all their money and corruption. I believe most in my life were that. That must be why they have money and why every disgusting thing that talks to me tries to make me seem like what I'm not. They are a despicable race, cowardly and abusive and I think society should know what they do to kids. I guess that's why all my childhood photos are ruined.
2.
Is anyone in this world a real man anymore? Are they all degraded and hateful scumbags only trying to save their own greedy and pathetic asses? What, did Ross take me from my mom and put me out to be exploited as a child? Why is there no law protecting people like me anymore? Why won't they let me talk to someone? Where are people and why are they letting this happen to me? Do they all believe I'm the same thing and a willing participant of a lifetime of rape? Do they all think I'm some snake that wishes to know these disgusting scumbags all my life? How many times do I have to say and try to show that I tried to have to have a normal life? Why doesn't anyone help me? I'm not these scumbags, I wasn't a willing participant, I didn't even know until my life fell apart.
3.
I guess six or seven years ago as I was homeless and scared and realizing and writing that they're all a bunch of things who believe in and support rape, I guess I was right. I'm starting to believe there are no real men in this world anymore. Snakes believe in rape, along with all other disgusting things they are and do. I'm not a snake, I'm not a disgusting opportunist like them. I would never ruin someone else's life or looks for my survival or benefit. I guess all of them knew and whatever influence I have in my life makes me look like an idiot and responsible. They truly are the most despicable and lowlife race to ever exist and none of them have enough shame or morals to even talk to me or admit that's what they did to me. I hope all their money they ever made and all the employment and financial security I was never allowed to have in my life comes back on all of them somehow. Most of the ones responsible are ugly, nasty and ugly. I'm not them, I would never want to be them. I actually have morals and really did try to have a normal life. I really was deceived by all around me and for that I wish them all to gain morals. That would explain why many know more about me than I could understand. I didn't know they were allowed to put their nasty eyes in our lives, I didn't think someone would be watching me against my knowledge and it definitely was not consensual. Every time I've tried to call police they want me to condense my problems into one small issue. The Human Rights commission tried to tell me there was a one year statute of limitation for sexual assault. They were drugging me and harassing me back then already. I guess that's why Angelo didn't care I went to the streets, he probably knew. All the idiot rapists probably blamed me, blamed others who were trying to help me. They truly are all disgusting, I can't say it enough. And just like my mom, I have to live around them, knowing what they did, knowing what they are, and get no help from anyone.
4.
I still also believe they knew what Kathy did to my head and they also knew I was smoking cigarettes like crazy and I believe they were making bets on when I'd die. That's how evil and cruel they all are. I can't even look at them without feeling a sense of utter disgust. I know that when that Dan guy was hanging around something was not right, but years and years of loneliness and no conversation can make a person really want any conversation. Some things in this world live and die only thinling about themselves and what they can gain in life at the expense of others. I don't believe any of them have any real feelings, and all of them have money and no guilt haunting them, and I live like shit with scumbags still trying to defamate who I am as a person and no money and fading away with no love and companionship, all because the disgusting things in my life didntcthink I deserved to have love and my own existence. I despise everything they are. I had talents, I had hoped and I wanted to be loved, and all of them took that from me because none of them have any morals. I know this to be true, but no-one cares and no-one will help me.
5.
I'd bet those things do that every generation of kids. I'd bet every time there's a slaughter there's a bunch of disgusting things that abuse and exploit children and then silence victims. The fact they silence me, hack my phones, edit my words shows me they always are and always will be disgusting opportunists and vultures and will never have moral not a conscientious thought ever in their lives. They're ugly, I wasn't. They're cruel and selfish, I wasn't. I can't say enough how I'll never believe there's a supreme being when many things like them exist and obviously control and rule the world. I have no-one in my life that cares. Every scumbag in my life took me for something and I have nothing. I wish you all to live forever and I hope you all choke on your money and your meat. I still hope to meet a real man one day. As for the scumbag editors and hackers who change my words and don't allow me access to real police or real people, you're a rape and pedophilia enabler and a coward like the rest of them. Live forever as nothing but an exploiter of women and children, that's all you things will ever be.
Lisa Hoffman
19.
The police won't help me, the RCMP wouldn't help me. I've been not only smoking alo t of cigarettes but also been handed noxious coffees and they've done something to the water here that makes me sick. This government won't protect me and they know I've been trying to get help for eight years.
20.
Nobody has the right to use me the way they did and do, no-one has the right to harm me and not help me or give me fair legal advice or legal help. No-one has the right to isolate me and punish me the way they do when I was technically meant to help the world and was a kind person who doesn't deserve any of this. They're slowly killing me, they're ruining my reputation, they're lying about me and who I am, and they obstruct me from any justice. If I try to get help from police they instantly accuse my sanity without even knowing me. They're murderers and I'm sure they're womb raiders and I'm sure they're trying to get rid of me to rid of evidence that not only did they use me but try to kill me also.
21.
The last time my glands got swollen when I was living with that John Wells guy and his supposed wife at the Main Square apartments and tried to get help, the nurse wouldn't even touch me and said my glands weren't swollen. And then Toronto General Hospital sterilized me as a woman at 43 years of age and I'm now 46. This city is disgusting. It really is, and what I've been going through for eight years and more without so much as one conversation is disgusting and cruel.
22.
Apparently I got taxes today, which means shopping in this area is probably deadly for me.
Just in case someone writes me and accuses my sanity or asks why I'm writing this here. Because no-one talks to me, no-one helps me and the fucking police don't even care and I know my health problems and threats made against me are not my fault and not deserved and not even acknowledged.
23.
I need help from a person who's actually going to care about me. I left a message for Huong(because she really doesn't behave like the mother I once knew who loved me and cared), and asked if cops won't help, and she doesn't care, and Ross doesn't care, then who does? All these things around me think I'm expendable and useable and that I don't matter. I need help from a person without selfish intent and who isn't a religious psychopath. I can't trust anyone. All of them used me and didn't bother to tell me nor cared how they did. This government is more interested in covering up how they use and abuse people rather than helping those in need. I really had no idea how evil the Rusts were and the church apparently. You know how the puritan ran around killing heathens? You know how I was taken from a loving mother and given to Christians who abused me and lied to me and made me seem like a heathen child and even kicked me out of their church when I was a child for knocking a girl over in her chair as a joke? They all pride themselves in being pure until one day they realize it's not so great to be pure and decide to raid wombs and interbreed, and those things are what fucked my life. And most are so selfish they think I'm public property and I don't matter. I need someone other than those WASPs and things that hurt and use me to help me. Someone with enough human emotion and compassion to realize I deserve help and freedom and choice and justice and honesty and don't deserve what these disgusting things have always done to me.
24.
A lady sensible was also the one who pointed out the fact that the church is what killed Jesus Christ.
25.
What religion and most 'people' don't want the world to know is people became dirt, WASPs are manufactured, like I said they started interbreeding and experimenting because they started to realized they die because they're pure, and they killed us for the same reason. Their Jesus is nothing more than a guy who fucked a dirty human and made a dirty machine. And Alex's lyrics, "Kill for the sake of survival.", that's what they do to people and why now many of them live to be between seventy and ninety years old, and most people die between the ages of twenty to fifty years old. They're supposed to eradicate dirt but they're not so stupid as to realize they'd be all that's left so they use people, blind people, enslave people, raid wombs, experiment on people, tell people false reasons for war because they always want the bodies flowing. All facts that no-one will acknowledge and why so many people suffer, and why no-one cares about me.
26.
And I know its easy for them to disclaim everything I say and make every word I say seem as nuts as they are, but I'm telling the truth. I got hassled and harassed and abused most of my life and have spent the last eight years getting threatened and made sick and other horrible things and no-one will help me and I'm not nuts. It's all who knew me that all of the sudden decided to not help me and I was completely unaware of why and hadn't even fought with them until after I was made homeless. My glands have been swelled at least a few times as I was trying to get my life together or living terrified on the streets. I tried to get a job and got made sick there after a coffee and that's when the hospital wouldn't even touch me but made a diagnosis? I'm dirt, and that means unpalatable, and that's a fact of this world. So call me crazy or harm me, but I was meant to help, not be exploited by greedy and nasty things who put no value on my life except their dollars.
27.
And another thing, they gave me taxes today so I'd look happy and go shopping. They've capitulated between making me look like a street whore drug addict and sometimes a person who's happy and shops for nice things. I've always worked or collected welfare or unemployment when needed, I've been harassed from all of those types of income and the last eight years these things can't decide what to make me seem like, but in reality, I'm not happy and I don't have money and they've always kept me destitute whilst profiting from me. All facts. The only time I got a break these last eight years of being ignored was talking to scumbags I wouldn't normally, because no-one else would help me, or having a few beers and listening to music, which makes me seem happy when I'm not. I'm not suicidal, I'm not self-harming except the cigarettes I can't quit and for eight years as I was homeless and scared and denied help or answers, mostly all I could think is how could my so-called friends and family do this to me. And then I slowly realized they never were.
28.
And all you selfish things that did raid wombs, as expendable as I am is as expendable as you are.
Lisa Hoffman
Mon. Jan. 4, 2021
I woke up early, listened to the radio. They talk about these Co-Vid vaccines, but not once have I heard anything about the water, which for some reason I'm forced to drink even though I'm not responsible nor even was told. I've been thinking this morning about how I am different, how displayed and yet also isolated I feel, and listening to still snarky comments about this or that but not hearing many truths. Its very weird that I really felt known and sometimes even respected to whatever my existence is these days, without being told why. I find it really weird that they talk about masks and co-vid but not water nor air quality nor lack of a presence of normal government. The lack of justice and feeling that I really am different and not appreciated by what surrounds me, that I feel it's in my best interest to be around a population of people who respect laws and other's lives, even if we're not the same. There is law procedures that are required and that hasn't happened since my life fell apart and beforehand.
2.
You know what it seems like they insinuate? That some faction of a foreign or American government decided to investigate the water but have no clue about the truth, and the things around me set me up because of how they were using me, but the least any government faction or representative would've done if they were legit was to speak to me directly. I know why my photos were all altered and that would be to hide what they were doing to my face for years. They reversed the blame on me as far as I can tell because of other disgusting things they were doing and they don't want me in a place where I can prove to another who I am, what I've been through. Anyway, I've been in the system for many years and I'm not supposed to be unknown by my neighbours and policemen that knew and saw me. I think everything that happened as my life was unravelling and I didn't know why, is absolutely disgusting. I believe my mom lived like prisoner most of her life and I feel I've never had the freedom I was led to believe I had. I feel like a commodity and now a scapegoat, rather than the person I always was, kind and friendly and pretty and funny. There isn't a day that goes by where i don't regret staying in this country. If no-one wants believe about the strange occurrences in my life theres not much I can do, but the better part of the last nine years of my life has been things around setting me up to look crazy, like a liar, like an addict, like something I'm not. They can make me seem that way sometimes, mess with me, but an interview with a normal investigator should've happened years ago. I haven't been told one truth, from what my so-called friends are and their involvement in what happened to me, to the corruption of the healthcare that surrounded me to the state of this country now and the losing of everything I owned practically. There seems to be more of an effort to hide the accomplishments of my life and in my opinion its about how much time they can say I wasted in my life.
3.
Technically for nine years they haven't let me make music, they haven't let me be able to create art like I used to and I know they've been switching my art up and damaging what I have left. I know I don't own an original photograph and that means they set-up, designed and planned to hide any evidence of the abuse and damage to my face, since I was eighteen/ nineteen years old.
4.
Today I wrote and tried to paste it on Facebook and then only one text appeared so I had to erase that and now it's disappeared from the Facebook page alrogether again so they're messing around with my phone again today also.
5.
I just received a strange phonecall from a supposed representative of the Toronto Community Housing Corporation who refuses to give me a confirmation letter for my re-application and there was pauses and clicks on the phone line and she told me I had to fill out a medical form with a doctor that they refuse to let me see or have. Everything they're doing is illegal and corrupt, I can't say it enough. They won't let me physically see any doctor in this province that isn't strange and avoids answering questions honestly or doesn't hurt me in some way. Now they're trying to stop me from getting a transfer to a normal housing complex.
6.
The scumbag liars are at it again. I finally got through to someone at the Housing Corporation, what it's called these days, after being hung up on twice. The chick said they don't have my re-application on file, 'conveniently' and that I'd have to do it all over again on-line, but that means a year I was supposed to be on the waiting list is lost yet again due to incompetence or deliberate harassment, which is my opinion. Ever since my life fell apart not only has every governmental avenue I've attempted been messed with but they also seem to change their story quite often. Welfare has changed several times as far as amounts they give and their office procedures, government offices aren't responsible or mature or professional as they once were and the housing commission has harassed me from the start and constantly changed their mandates and procedures. Phone numbers are all bullshit and changing all the time. I have three different RCMP numbers that at least one doesn't work anymore for some reason, even though it's a toll-free number. Everything that's happening is absolute nonsense and corruption that I can't honestly believe they get away with. Harassment on this level is disgusting and the fact I have no-one standing up for my rights is even more disgusting. So far no-one is taking anything I say or what's happened to me seriously and so far no-one seems to think I need to have a direct conversation with anyone, which I will say again is illegal.
7.
Issues that I've had throughout my life that are supposed to be illegal and what they won't let me report.
1. Constant abuse of my face since I turned of age.
2. An invasion of privacy without my knowledge and consent.
3. Several sexual assaults.
4. An attack when I was homeless and was threatened and police refused to talk to me or acknowledge any of it and even told me there was a statute? (How long ago was that? he said.)
5. Poisons I'm ingesting that no-one will acknowledge or explain nor stop.
6. Stolen belongings and stolen and damaged artwork.
7. Possibility of stolen identification the police won't take seriously. Not allowing proper photos for my ID and the changing of my past ID's I think to hide the damage to my face.
8. Tricked, and in ways, forced into pregnancies and terminations and I believe they did that purposely for corporate gain that no-one will acknowledge.
9. Constant and un-ending harassment on my phone, electronically, and even in public.
10.Insinuations I'm involved in something but a lack of confrontation or representation.
11. A feeling of being detained and watched without explanation and without verbal confrontation.
12. Having nine years of my life wasted for reasons no-one is willing to explain.
13. Harassment and mockery and belittlement at workplaces. Not given fair and equal opportunity.
14.The sterilization and end of my menstrual cycle at Toronto General Hospital three, going on four years ago.
15. The realization of several attempts to decimate my character and reputation.
16. Nine years of an obstruction of justice rather than the administering of justice and total lack of verbal acknowledgement about anything.
17. The banks and other institutions changing their mandate and harassing since my life fell apart.
18. Tricked into a false marriage and am not with the real divorce papers and am unsure when I was officially divorced and they were unhelpful at the family court of law when I wanted answers as to reasons why.
8.
All of those are legitimate concerns and violations of my rights and very factual.
imyourgodmachine
These guys are so musically gifted and tight it’s ridiculous. This sounds as fresh as it did so many years ago. That rhythm section is off the chain!
Md Nassim
I listen to this while walking home in 1990 & still I am😊
Michael W
That thrashy solo in the middle is so fucking good. Reminds me of Ignorance, but for what it is, American Way is a masterpiece.
Derek Lofgreen
Totally
Putre phagist
I can remember listening to this song when I was like five years of age; even then I would just sit there hearing the beat, the intro bass, the entry of the vocals, the tightness of the guitars, the virtuosity of Wiley's solos... Man that part at the end of the solo 4.00, when metaphorical oceans are swaying violent storms, mountains are colliding under thunder and lightning, the song is hitting its peak, and Wiley, he pulls back on those chords with all kinds of whammy bar, and it's like listening to the beautiful, bitter sweet dying screams of a god!
And... that's pretty much how I feel about this song.
Rohit Banerjee
Tom Davis Amen brother. This post single handedly made my day.
Putre phagist
Nice one Rohit Banerjee
Matt Winstead
I was 16 when this came out. You got a head start on some good metal stuff. You might want to check out the missing link between Black Sabbath and Slayer, Judas Priest "Stained Class"
Camilo Caballero
Calidad y perfeccion de musica pura adrenalina!!!
Daniel watts
Love this song sacred Reich hits on so many issues rock on