Jaded
SpiritBox Lyrics

I feel alone in my body
I feel disconnected from myself and isolated in my own physical existence.

I feel a silence underneath
There is a profound emptiness that lies beneath the surface of my emotions.

In these valleys of blood
Within the depths of my emotions and experiences.

In these rivers of rust
In the deterioration and decay of my past memories and regrets.

Shoulder all the blame again
I constantly bear the burden of guilt for my actions and mistakes.

Mirror locked until the end
My reflection in the mirror remains unchanged and trapped, unable to break free.

It was violent and rough
The past was filled with chaos and aggression.

I was never enough
I always felt inadequate and insufficient.

But what if I was stable enough to wind me down the road
What if I was emotionally steady and strong enough to guide myself through life's journey.

Like a remora swims?
Similar to how a remora fish clings onto a larger host for stability and support.

But what if I was inside a thousand lives to give my ghost?
What if I had experienced countless different lives in order to understand and heal my inner self.

It's never enough, it's never enough
No matter what I do, it never feels sufficient or satisfactory.

And I've always been ashamed that I wanna Fall into a dream with my honour desecrated Blood is jaded
I have always felt guilty and embarrassed for desiring to escape reality while feeling a loss of integrity and purity within myself.

I've never found a way to be honest All I know is a place where I haunted memories faded Blood is jaded
I have never discovered a path towards complete honesty, only familiarity with a realm where my haunting memories have grown weak and faded, but my emotional wounds still remain.

In my dreams all I see is a crimson key Tethered by a falling string Meant to turn in the lock for me
Within my dreams, I am fixated on a red key connected by a descending string, intended to unlock something significant for me.

I can't leave so I justify Interloper of confidence Under pressure of influence Not a curse that I caused Never to rot
I am unable to escape, so I rationalize and excuse my presence in unfamiliar territory, feeling like an unwelcome intruder and lacking in self-assurance, due to the weight of external influences on me. It is not a curse of my own creation and will never decay.

I know where I wanna go But you know that it's too close And you know that it's too late this time
I am aware of my desired destination, but it feels unattainably near, and you also recognize that it is now beyond reach.

And I've always been ashamed that I wanna Fall into a dream with my honour
I have always felt ashamed that I yearn to escape reality and retreat into a dream-like state, at the cost of my integrity.

I've never found a way to be honest All I know is a place where I haunted memories faded Blood is jaded
I have never discovered a means to be completely truthful, and my only familiarity lies in a space where my haunting memories have diminished, but a sense of weariness and cynicism prevails.

And I've always been ashamed that I wanna Fall into a dream with my honour desecrated Blood is jaded
I have always carried shame because I yearn to escape into a dream-like state, disregarding my integrity, while my blood becomes disillusioned and cynical.

I've never found a way to be honest All I know is a place where I haunted memories faded Love is jaded
I have never discovered a path towards complete honesty, only familiarity with a realm where my haunting memories have grown weak and faded, but love itself has become disillusioned and cynical.

(What if I was?)
What if I truly became the person I yearn to be?