Broad Lic Nic
The Doug Anthony Allstars Lyrics

It's a broad lic nic
This is a general invitation to indulge in a night of drinking and revelry.

And I'll tell you while I'm able
The singer is offering to share their story while still coherent enough to do so.

Or I'll smash your skull
The singer is using violent language to emphasize the seriousness of the situation, indicating that they will not tolerate anyone not drinking.

If you're not drinking up Black Label
The specific drink of choice for the evening is Black Label beer.

It's a hard man's drink
Black Label is considered to be a strong, masculine beverage.

And though the bottle's broken
Even if the bottle is broken, it doesn't matter because the contents can still be strained through one's teeth and consumed.

Put your money on the table
The singer is suggesting that everyone pay for their own drinks by placing money on the table.

Strain the glass through your teeth
This is a particular drinking technique for consuming alcohol.

So we grew up lean, mean
The artist and their friends had a tough upbringing and developed a hardened demeanor as a result.

Kings of the street scene
They had a dominant presence in their local area, and were respected by others.

Without a mother's guiding hand
The singer and their friends didn't have a mother to help them grow up to be respectable individuals.

To keep us clean
Without a guiding force to help keep them on the right path, they ended up engaging in less than respectable behavior.

Down your rum
The singer is now switching to rum as the drink of choice.

We'll take life as it come
The singer and their friends are willing to face whatever challenges come their way and enjoy life as it comes.

And all you blue rinse critics
The singer is dismissing the opinions of older, conservative people who may not approve of their lifestyle.

Lick our literary bum
The artist and their friends are proud of their artistic talent and want others to appreciate it.

I drank my first pure malt
The artist has been drinking alcohol for a long time, starting with high-quality whisky.

Before I was three
The singer's alcohol consumption began at a very young age.

I smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes
The singer also started smoking cigarettes at a young age and was given access to foreign brands.

My pappy left for me
The artist's father left behind a pack of cigarettes for them to find and smoke.

And I romanced a little lass
The artist had a romantic relationship with an older woman when they were just a child.

Who was twelve years my elder
The age difference between the artist and their lover was significant, and the relationship was inappropriate.

At the age of six I held her
The singer engaged in sexual activity at a very young age with their older partner.

That year I also bed her
The sexual activity between the artist and their partner continued for at least a year before the artist turned seven.

So before I was seven
The singer had already experienced a lifetime of questionable behavior before the age of seven.

My first child was born
The singer became a parent at a very young age, likely as a result of their early sexual activity.

I told a pack of filthy lies
The singer is admitting to being a liar at different points in their life.

As a politician
The artist may have made false statements while in a position of public power.

Heard my own confession
The artist is confessing their sins to themselves.

As act of contrition
This confession is part of an effort to make amends for their past behavior.

I spent ten years as a Trappist monk
The singer may be lying about their past profession and religious affiliation.

In a village in Tibet (Liar!)
The artist's claim to have lived in a Tibetan village is likely a lie, as indicated by the parenthetical statement.

And I walked up Everest naked
The artist is making an outrageous and clearly false claim to have summited Mount Everest without any clothing on.

Just to win a bet
This is the motivation for the previous claim.

Well I cut off my leg
The singer is telling another outrageous lie about self-mutilation.

To win a one-legged race
The motivation for this act of self-harm was to win a competition.

And when I won I stitched it
The singer is suggesting that they were able to reattach their own severed leg.

Right back into place
The singer is implying that they made a full recovery from this injury without any medical assistance.

I fought Mohammed Ali
The singer is making yet another clearly false claim to have fought a world-famous boxer.

I've seduced Mata Hari
The artist is claiming to have been romantically involved with a famous historical figure known for her sensuality.

I've even worn a sari
The artist has cross-dressed as part of one of their lies or performance art pieces.

When I impersonated Gandhi
The singer is implying that they have taken on the character of a famous Indian leader known for his nonviolent resistance.

And I dare any man here
The singer is challenging anyone in the room to question their stories or accuse them of lying.

To call me a liar (LIARS!)
The artist knows that their stories are outrageous and unbelievable, and expects others to call them out on this.

But I swear I've seen Ezikiel
Despite their tendency to lie, the artist is now claiming to have seen two religious figures roasting marshmallows in hell.

I swear I've seen Isaiah
This continues off of the previous line, still talking about seeing religious figures in hell.

Toasting marshmallows
Ezekiel and Isaiah are depicted as doing a mundane activity, roasting marshmallows, in an unusual place, hell.

In Beelzebub's fire
The two religious figures are roasting marshmallows in the fires of hell, suggesting that they are being punished for something they did in life.

And we're mad (MAD!) Bad (BAD!)
The singer and their friends are acknowledging that they may be considered crazy, immoral or criminal by society's standards.

Dangerous to know
Their behavior is unpredictable and may put others at risk.

We never gave a tinker's cuss
The singer and their friends did not care at all about the consequences of their actions.

About the seeds we sow
Their lack of care and concern extended to the impact they had on others, and the legacy they leave behind.

And we stay up late
The artist and their friends are night owls, staying up until the early hours of the morning.

And never be forlorn
They don't get sad or depressed, no matter what the world throws at them.

And when the morning comes around
Despite staying up all night, the singer and their friends carry on into the morning.

We'll kiss the crack of dawn
The artist and their friends will continue to stay up until they see the first light of the dawn breaking.

We took the whacks from Kerouac's
The artist and their friends have endured a lot of suffering and pain.

And dusty Dostoyevsky's
The artist and their friends have also been exposed to the works of famous and profound writers.

And when all was said and done
Despite these experiences, the singer and their friends are left with nothing but alcohol to cling to.

Booze was all I had left me
In the end, the artist and their friends have only the comfort of alcohol in their lives and no other sources of meaning or purpose.

For all the world's great thinkers
The singer sees famous philosophers and writers as being irrelevant to their own life experiences.

Are all a load of pus!
The singer rages against these famous figures as being completely useless to anyone in the real world.

And if you asked us how Zarathustra spoke,
The singer is alluding to the philosopher Nietzsche's work, 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra'.

He spoke thus:
The artist is now imitating the philosopher Nietzsche's writing style.

"Drink! Drink! Drink!
The artist is being facetious while quoting Nietzsche, using his words to promote their own drinking habits.

Drink until your drunk,
The drinking is encouraged to the point of getting extremely drunk.

Drink until you can't stand up,
The drinking is encouraged to the point of making one physically unable to stand.

'Til you're roly poly stunk.
The drinking is encouraged to the point of getting extremely drunk and smelling terrible as a result.

'Til your bladder bursts,
Drinking too much alcohol can have negative physical impacts, such as a bladder rupture.

'Til you throw a fit and curse,
Getting extremely drunk can also lead to negative behavior and emotional outbursts.

'Til they lift you up still comatose
The singer is being dramatic, suggesting that one could get so drunk that they become comatose and need medical attention.

And slamdance in the hearse!"
Even in death, the artist and their friends will continue to be wild and crazy, as if dancing in the back of a funeral hearse.

And we're good (GOOD!), bad (BAD!)
The singer and their friends don't fit easily into moral categories, and may have both positive and negative qualities.

Ugly as sin
The singer and their friends are unattractive in appearance or in terms of their moral character.

We mixed up cough syrup
The singer and their friends are now adding cough syrup to their drinking repertoire.

With our gin
The cough syrup is being mixed with gin in order to add another dimension to their drinking experience.

So take your medicine
The artist is suggesting that they are using cough syrup for its medicinal properties, rather than just for its alcohol content.

I pray that when I die
The singer is now imagining their own death and what will happen afterwards.

There'll be someone else around
The singer hopes that there will be someone there to mourn them after they die.

To kiss my arse goodbye
The artist wants someone to show affection towards them even after they are dead, as a way of expressing finality and closure.

Yes I pray, I pray
The artist is very serious about this idea of being mourned and remembered after they die.