International Jet Set
The Specials Lyrics

Good evening ladies and gentlemen
The song starts with a greeting, just like a pilot would do in a flight announcement

This is your captain speaking
The singer identifies himself as the captain of the song, taking on the role of a pilot

Welcome aboard DC-10 flight number 1313
The singer introduces the name and number of the imaginary flight, creating a sense of being on a real airplane

We will be cruising at a height of twenty five thousand feet at an air speed of sixty hundred miles per hour
The singer sets the altitude and speed of the imaginary flight, in a way that sounds impressive and exciting

Headphones will be provided by request for a varied program of in flight music
The singer mentions a service that airlines often provide to passengers: headphones to listen to music

Have a good flight
The song ends the introductory part of the flight announcement by wishing the imaginary passengers a pleasant trip

Safety belts and sickness bags, jet lag downer pills
The song refers to some of the inconveniences of air travel, such as motion sickness and sleep deprivation

Duty free booze and fags make me feel ill
The singer expresses a dislike for some of the items sold on airplanes, such as alcohol and cigarettes

A vapor trail from A to B, away from normal sanity
The song mentions the white trail left by airplanes in their wake, and relates it to a feeling of detachment from ordinary reality

It all seems so absurd to me
The singer finds the whole experience of flying and traveling to be strange and unsettling

I've seen the carpets on the walls of hotels rooms around the world
The song alludes to the frequent and varied stays in hotels that come with being a touring musician

I never want to hear the screams of the teenage girls in other peoples dreams
The song implies that the singer has experienced some unpleasant or intrusive things during his travels

Spread the disease, from the south China sea to the beach hotel Malibu
The song mentions the global reach of travel, from one place to another, and how it can spread both good and bad things

Phone my girlfriend to ask her "How's her weekend?"
The song refers to the desire to stay in touch with loved ones even when far away, and the use of phone calls to do so

I say "Hi, Terry here", and she says "Terry who, the hell are you?"
The song humorously depicts the possibility of being forgotten or unrecognized by someone you know, after being away for a while

The businessmen are having fun are they on a different plane to me
The song contrasts the experience of different types of travelers, suggesting that some may have a more enjoyable or privileged time than others

I've lost touch with reality, they all seem so absurd to me
The song repeats the idea of feeling disconnected from familiar reality, and how this can make everything seem ridiculous or surreal

Like well dressed chimpanzees
The song uses a metaphor to describe the behavior of some people in high-class settings, as primitive or animalistic in spite of their formal attire

Spend and spend and spend and spend, will the muzak never end?
The song criticizes the commercial and consumerist aspects of air travel, and the use of music as a way to distract or entertain passengers

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking
The song returns to the pilot persona, announcing a fictional emergency on the flight

Due to expected engine failures we will be forced to attempt an emergency landing
The song creates a tense situation by simulating a potentially dangerous malfunction on the plane

Please remain seated, extinguish all cigarettes, and fasten safety belts
The song conveys the urgency and seriousness of following emergency procedures on a plane, such as not smoking and using seat belts

Follow the emergency procedures laid out in the pamphlet located in front of your seats
The song reminds listeners of the existence and importance of safety instructions that are often ignored or overlooked

For normal breathing, oxygen masks will be released from the compartment above your head
The song mentions another important safety feature in air travel, the deployment of oxygen masks in case of cabin depressurization

Please remain calm and follow the instructions of your stewardess at all times
The song emphasizes the need for cooperation and discipline among passengers and crew in an emergency situation

This is a recording
The song concludes with a reminder that everything heard so far has been part of a fictitious flight scenario, and not a real announcement