Painkiller
Tobias Luke Aka O.B.I. Lyrics
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She was my heroin; she was my love and hate.
She was perfection in a pill that takes me away.
This is life as addiction.
This is love without a gun.
This is my heart in ink as bold and black as the night we ended and as weak as your skin deep smiles. And this pen digs me into holes I can't write out of, I can't climb out of.
These are the hands that will bury my face.
There's the floor I retreat to every time my world caves in.
These are the palms that capture tears; they never saw the light of day.
And it feels like we're fighting uphill and it feels like we're pissing in the wind.
The lyrics of “Painkiller” by Tobias Luke Aka O.B.I. carry a weighty emotional theme about addiction, heartbreak, and pain. The lyrics speak of someone who is struggling with addiction and describes the dependency on the person who is no longer with them. The singer bites their nails until they bleed and disappears with closed eyes as they enter a state of taking their love as addiction. The metaphorical use of heroin to describe their lover is particularly potent; described as both “love and hate” and “perfection in a pill”, it suggests intense emotional turmoil and a dependence on their lover.
The song also speaks of heartbreak, with the singer’s heart being expressed as “bold and black as the night we ended.” The use of the ink metaphor and the pen digging into holes suggests that the singer is unable to fully express their feelings in detail, and instead is left with overwhelming pain. The line “It feels like we’re fighting uphill and it feels like we’re pissing in the wind” captures the feeling of utter despair and hopelessness that can come with heartbreak, suggesting the singer is unsure of how to move forward.
Overall, the lyrics of “Painkiller” delve deep into the struggles of addiction and heartbreak, painting a picture of someone who is struggling to find a way out and move past the pain.
Line by Line Meaning
I bite my nails until they bleed.
I have a tendency to feel anxious and nervous to the point that I compulsively bite my nails to the point of bleeding.
I close my eyes, I disappear.
I have moments where I feel the need to tune out from the world and retreat into my own personal space.
She was my heroin; she was my love and hate.
She was the source of both pleasure and pain in my life, just like a drug addiction that is both addictive and destructive.
She was perfection in a pill that takes me away.
She was my escape from reality, my temporary relief from the hardships of life.
This is life as addiction.
This is me acknowledging that my relationship with her was unhealthy and addictive.
This is love without a gun.
This is love without the physical violence and abuse that can come from a toxic relationship.
This is my heart in ink as bold and black as the night we ended and as weak as your skin deep smiles.
This is me pouring out my feelings onto paper, trying to express the intense emotions I felt during the end of our relationship.
And this pen digs me into holes I can't write out of, I can't climb out of.
This writing process is both healing and harmful, as it takes me to dark places that I struggle to escape from.
These are the hands that will bury my face.
These are the hands that will eventually be responsible for my own demise in this toxic relationship.
There's the floor I retreat to every time my world caves in.
I have a go-to space where I retreat to in moments of despair and sadness.
These are the palms that capture tears; they never saw the light of day.
These are the hands that hold back my tears, hiding them from the outside world.
And it feels like we're fighting uphill and it feels like we're pissing in the wind.
Our efforts to salvage our relationship feel futile and hopeless, as if we're trying to climb an impossible mountain or fight a losing battle.
Lyrics © O/B/O APRA AMCOS
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