Boyfriend
Toby Lyrics


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Am I just a flame in your fire

That only keeps you warm when you desire it?

Am I just a fool in the end

Someone that you know you can depend on?
Am I just a photo in a frame

Waiting on you to look my way?

Say it ain't so, but everybody knows

You've always been cold as a fair weather boyfriend

Oh, it's three o'clock in the morning

My cell phone's pouring your number

You're calling, you wanna come over

Am I your one and only, or is it that you're feeling lonely?

Ain't playing red rover, so stop coming me over

But it's so hard to say no to you

Boy, if I only knew

Oh, it's six o'clock in the morning

And I'm crying on your cold shoulder

Is it easy to love me then leave me?

Oh, so you turn off the night

With a switch of the light, it's blinding

I'm always, always finding

It's so hard, wo, it's so hard

And I know you know

That I fall apart every time





And I know you know

Overall Meaning

Toby’s song Boyfriend depicts the emotional rollercoaster of being in a turbulent and inconsistent relationship. The opening lines of the first verse suggest that Toby’s partner may only be using him when convenient, likening himself to a mere flame in their life, providing warmth only when needed. The second line further highlights this dilemma, asking whether he is only seen as a fool, someone that his partner can depend on when it suits them. The third line continues the metaphor, describing himself as a photo in a frame, waiting for his partner to notice him. These lyrics indicate feelings of insecurity and confusion on Toby’s part, unsure of where he stands in the relationship.


The chorus dives right into the core of the issue, asking directly if Toby’s partner is only around when the weather is fair, meaning during easy and comfortable times. This could be a nod to the fact that his partner is only committed when things are good, but disappears when the relationship becomes challenging. The second verse explores the vulnerabilities Toby has while being in love, admitting that it’s hard for him to say no to his partner, even though he knows they may not have his best intentions at heart. The bridge aims to question whether his partner truly loves him or if he is being used for their own selfish reasons. The final line drives home the overall theme of the song, stating that his partner knows that he breaks a little more every time they treat him poorly.


Overall, Boyfriend highlights the struggles and confusion of being in a relationship where one person gives their all and the other may only be present when times are easy. The lyrics depict an individual trying to work through the challenges of loving someone who may not love them back with the same intensity.


Line by Line Meaning

Am I just a flame in your fire That only keeps you warm when you desire it?
Am I just something you use when it's convenient and discard when it's not?


Am I just a fool in the end Someone that you know you can depend on?
Am I just a naive person who you can rely on to always be there for you?


Am I just a photo in a frame Waiting on you to look my way?
Am I just a memory of something that you used to care about, but now ignore?


Say it ain't so, but everybody knows You've always been cold as a fair weather boyfriend
I don't want to believe it, but it's common knowledge that you're only there when everything is going well.


Oh, it's three o'clock in the morning My cell phone's pouring your number You're calling, you wanna come over Am I your one and only, or is it that you're feeling lonely?
Late at night, you reach out to me, but I can't help but wonder if I'm just a temporary fix for your loneliness.


Ain't playing red rover, so stop coming me over But it's so hard to say no to you Boy, if I only knew
I'm not interested in playing games, so please stop trying to come over all the time. But it's difficult for me to resist you.


Oh, it's six o'clock in the morning And I'm crying on your cold shoulder Is it easy to love me then leave me?
After being with you all night, I'm left crying on your unsympathetic shoulder. It seems like it's easy for you to love me for a while, and then just walk away.


Oh, so you turn off the night With a switch of the light, it's blinding I'm always, always finding It's so hard, wo, it's so hard And I know you know That I fall apart every time And I know you know
You have the power to end our time together so easily, and it's overwhelming. I always seem to end up hurting, and I know you're aware of that fact.




Lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Universal Music Publishing Group
Written by: TOBY LIGHTMAN, KRISTIAN OTTESTAD

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Issa Israel

@Just 1 Me Thanks for your message. On the “hate” thing I was making the point that if the preference of some Black men for non Black women denote “hate” for Black women then we have to be fair and accept that the preferences of some Black women for non Black men must denote hate for Black men. I was just calling out the double standard and hypocrisy inherent in these kinds of convos. I’m a Black on Black love person personally so not defending BM dating out I’m just a fan of being fair and therefore critical - if at all - of both sides for doing the same thing regardless of the reasons and excuses they each come up with.

I disagree with you on your natural leadership point though. The idea that a lack of cooperation or extreme belligerence (for eg) shouldn’t be a problem if a person is a natural born leader is 1) incorrect in my opinion and 2) kinda beside the point. Let me touch on point 2 tho.

It’s a given that every man will not be a good leader. The man’s job in this situation is to develop himself as a leader and to exercise the discipline and maturity (if he possesses it) to wait until he’s “ready” before he marries. When he doesn’t he puts himself in a situation to be disrespected and to fail in his marriage and that happens a lot obviously.

On the other hand though and quite separate from that (remember both the man and the woman can be wrong and the wrongness of one does not excuse or justify the wrongness of the other) the woman’s job IF she decides to build a life with the man isn’t to disregard his role as the head of the family until he becomes a better leader its to rock with him and be patient with him while he tries (whether successfully or not) to bridge the gap and catch up to where he’s supposed to be. If BW don’t want to submit to a poor leader then they ought not choose to be with one and/or have children with one. You can’t choose a bad leader willingly and then refuse to respect the leader as a leader.

Now wise women know how to “lead” for lack of a better word from behind the scenes. It takes tact, skill, cleverness, humility and wisdom. Women have been pulling off the trick of puppeteering in this way for thousands of years. It’s a lost art in our community now though so what we see is too often BW wanting to be in the driver’s seat themselves and to be respected as the leader. This is problematic.



Blake Gildaphish

i can’t get over the fact that adult people aren’t allowed to say words and phrases like:
•sex
•sexual(ly) assault(ed)
•kill(ed)
•murder(ed)
•rape(ed)
•committed suicide OR
•racist

On their own platforms while reporting a story. What exactly is YouTube trying to accomplish here??
While these are very unpleasant things to talk about, they are not profane things to say.
We do not live in a G-rated society.
Case in point: this unfortunate story!



All comments from YouTube:

T W

Not even tryna kiss ass rn but I'm a white woman and I don't understand how other white women still want to date a black man after he puts down black women. Is that not a red flag ? His mother is a black woman first of all.

Sydney Cho

I am Asian but half my family is black, 100 percent agree

Kite Johnson

They make it a requirement because they’re insecure

Just 1 Me

Thank you ma'am. Why date someone like that. It's one thing to fall in love with someone outside of your race just because it happened (right place right time...zing) but it's another thing to fall in love with someone specifically because she is black. PROBLEMATIC !!!!! For all these other women out here dating these hateful black men, what does that say about them women... because you are what you eat right?

Mona Dugas

@Mark Quinn Can someone tell me what in the hell is the meaning of your truth .And why would you not want The Truth .

Ralonda T

Right

266 More Replies...

Justme

I’ll never understand how black men’s hatred for black women is excused as being a preference

Da Baddest

Lol they act like we weren’t slaves together like how tf you love the enemy but don’t even like your own people

Just 1 Me

@Issa Israel I hear you, but BW are going elsewhere for love due to alot (not all) of BM letting it be known that they don't date black women or if they do date black women they have to be light skinned. Alot of BM are using every social media platform to say these things. I don't even have IG, Twitter and etc but I still get those clips of the nonsense and how am I suppose to feel? You have to admit to yourself that BM are wilding out right now...you have to be honest. How many white men disrespect, drag and exclude their own white women? And how many white men say they can't date the olive tan white girl but will take the pasty white one all day? Sounds dumb cuz white is white!! We are doing the white man's job for him..he doesn't even have to lift a finger because we are destroying each other.
BM and this self hatred, conditioning and brainwashing mentality that they wrap up in a blanket called "preference" is making BW leave because they feel like they are not wanted..... BW just want to be truly loved and not used and mistreated. I'm not denying that I haven't heard a few say he needs money or whatever.
BM and BW, for the most part, both came from broken homes so alot of BW have not seen the true role a man and woman play in the household. So alot of BM have not seen those true roles either. What alot of us did see was a BW who had to play mommy and daddy so she had to have masculine moments, she was the head of the house, daddy wasn't there so he wasn't "needed" and there was no time for tears. So why are we blamed for mimicking our only example? Why not give us grace...and we will do the same in return for the BM. Why can't we just build each other up.
FYI I am a beautiful dark skinned black woman who loves black men who also has black children and has never had any of these issues personally but I see this all around me daily. And once again if you have not heard this today, Black man you are appreciated and let's continue to agree or disagree respectfully. All love

Issa Israel

@Just 1 Me Thanks for your message. On the “hate” thing I was making the point that if the preference of some Black men for non Black women denote “hate” for Black women then we have to be fair and accept that the preferences of some Black women for non Black men must denote hate for Black men. I was just calling out the double standard and hypocrisy inherent in these kinds of convos. I’m a Black on Black love person personally so not defending BM dating out I’m just a fan of being fair and therefore critical - if at all - of both sides for doing the same thing regardless of the reasons and excuses they each come up with.

I disagree with you on your natural leadership point though. The idea that a lack of cooperation or extreme belligerence (for eg) shouldn’t be a problem if a person is a natural born leader is 1) incorrect in my opinion and 2) kinda beside the point. Let me touch on point 2 tho.

It’s a given that every man will not be a good leader. The man’s job in this situation is to develop himself as a leader and to exercise the discipline and maturity (if he possesses it) to wait until he’s “ready” before he marries. When he doesn’t he puts himself in a situation to be disrespected and to fail in his marriage and that happens a lot obviously.

On the other hand though and quite separate from that (remember both the man and the woman can be wrong and the wrongness of one does not excuse or justify the wrongness of the other) the woman’s job IF she decides to build a life with the man isn’t to disregard his role as the head of the family until he becomes a better leader its to rock with him and be patient with him while he tries (whether successfully or not) to bridge the gap and catch up to where he’s supposed to be. If BW don’t want to submit to a poor leader then they ought not choose to be with one and/or have children with one. You can’t choose a bad leader willingly and then refuse to respect the leader as a leader.

Now wise women know how to “lead” for lack of a better word from behind the scenes. It takes tact, skill, cleverness, humility and wisdom. Women have been pulling off the trick of puppeteering in this way for thousands of years. It’s a lost art in our community now though so what we see is too often BW wanting to be in the driver’s seat themselves and to be respected as the leader. This is problematic.

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