The Critic
Toby Keith Lyrics


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He gets up real early on his mornin' drive
Down to the office for his nine to five
He drives a '94, two-tone, economy car
He loves to tell the local bands down at the bar that he's the critic

Yeah, I can hook you up, I know everybody, in the business

He flunked junior high band he couldn't march in time
He tried to write a song once, he couldn't make it rhyme
He learned two or three chords on a pawn shop guitar
He just never quite had what it took to be a star, so he's a critic

I work for the gazette man I got a real job

He did a 5-star column on a band he never heard
He did a bluegrass review about an unkind word
He thought it was time to ask his boss for a raise
His boss said I can't even tell if anybody's even readin' your page

Yeah
So he thought
And he thought a little more

He caught a young hot star headin' into town
And then he hid behind his typewriter and gunned the boy down
Here come the letters, the e-mails, the faxes, they raised him to twenty thousand dollars after taxes

Now he's a happy critic
He say I'm rollin' in the dough
Man I could do this forever, this is easy
Everybody's readin' my column

Hey ah, y'all don't tell my mom, that I write the music column for the gazette
'Cause uh, he still thinks I play piano down at the Cathouse

Got my self-respect back though
Let's get funky with this boys, play it out now, play it out

Come on Scotty, let's do this thing
Like we always did this thing
Jump in there Dave
Help me, oh we're walkin' the dog now
Walk it on out
Y'all better hurry, my fingers are gettin' tired
Y'all gonna have to hurry
Wearin' me out
No coffee break, ah
I'll tell you somethin' boy
This sounds like a take to me




And they gonna love you 'cause they already love me
It's the critic

Overall Meaning

The song "The Critic" by Toby Keith is a satirical take on music critics who sit behind their typewriters, passing judgments on the music made by others. The song paints the critic as someone with little musical talent, flunking out of junior high band and not being able to write a cohesive song. Despite his lack of musical prowess, he works at the Gazette, where he writes music reviews, claiming to know everyone in the music business.


The critic's big break comes when he writes a scathing review of a young hot star who is headed to town. The critic hides behind his typewriter, gunning the boy down with his words. This leads to an influx of letters, emails, and faxes, raising him to a salary of twenty thousand dollars after taxes. From this, he proclaims himself a happy critic, who is making money with ease.


The song is a humorous take on the often-cynical attitudes of music critics. By portraying the critic as someone who could not succeed in music himself, the song highlights the subjectivity and potential maliciousness of music criticism. It's a fun and catchy song that calls into question the value and legitimacy of music criticism.


Line by Line Meaning

He gets up real early on his mornin' drive
He wakes up early in the morning to drive to his office


Down to the office for his nine to five
He goes to the office at 9 in the morning and works till 5


He drives a '94, two-tone, economy car
He drives a two-tone, economy car that was made in 1994


He loves to tell the local bands down at the bar that he's the critic Yeah, I can hook you up, I know everybody, in the business
He brags to the musicians at the bar that he's a music critic and he knows everybody in the music business


He flunked junior high band he couldn't march in time
He failed his junior high band because he couldn't march in the correct tempo


He tried to write a song once, he couldn't make it rhyme
He attempted to write a song once, but he couldn't make the lyrics rhyme


He learned two or three chords on a pawn shop guitar
He acquired knowledge about two or three guitar chords by buying a cheap guitar


He just never quite had what it took to be a star, so he's a critic
He lacked the necessary skills to become a star, so he decided to become a critic


He did a 5-star column on a band he never heard
He rated a band five stars in his column without ever listening to them


He did a bluegrass review about an unkind word
He wrote a negative review of a bluegrass band


He thought it was time to ask his boss for a raise
He felt it was appropriate to ask for a salary increase


His boss said I can't even tell if anybody's even readin' your page
His boss told him that he can't tell if anyone reads his page


He caught a young hot star headin' into town And then he hid behind his typewriter and gunned the boy down
He wrote a bad review of a young musician who was getting popular and sabotaged his career


Here come the letters, the e-mails, the faxes, they raised him to twenty thousand dollars after taxes Now he's a happy critic
After receiving an overwhelming amount of responses, his paycheck increased to $20,000 after taxes and he became happy


He say I'm rollin' in the dough Man I could do this forever, this is easy Everybody's readin' my column
He is making a lot of money and is content with his job as a critic, which is easy, and everyone reads his column


Hey ah, y'all don't tell my mom, that I write the music column for the gazette 'Cause uh, he still thinks I play piano down at the Cathouse
He doesn't want his mom to know that he writes a music column for the gazette since she thinks he plays piano at the Cathouse


Got my self-respect back though Let's get funky with this boys, play it out now, play it out Come on Scotty, let's do this thing Like we always did this thing
He regained his self-respect and is excited to play music with his bandmates


Jump in there Dave Help me, oh we're walkin' the dog now Walk it on out
He asks Dave to join him in playing music and they start playing the song 'Walk the Dog'


Y'all better hurry, my fingers are gettin' tired Y'all gonna have to hurry Wearin' me out No coffee break, ah
He tells his bandmates to hurry since his fingers are getting tired and he needs a coffee break


I'll tell you somethin' boy This sounds like a take to me And they gonna love you 'cause they already love me It's the critic
He compliments the song and thinks that people will love it since they already love his music column. This is the life of a critic.




Lyrics © Tokeco Tunes, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Written by: Toby Keith

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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