The Sideburns Song
Toby Turner Lyrics

Side burns.
Referring to the hair on the side of my face.

On the side of my face.
The location of my sideburns.

As my head turns, you can see they're in the same place.
My sideburns are symmetrical.

On either side. Burns.
My sideburns are on both sides of my face.

They can't be replaced.
I value my sideburns and wouldn't want to lose them.

My insides burn, when I think of the days before my...
I feel a sense of longing for the time before I had sideburns.

My side burns.
Referring to my sideburns once again.

Look at my sideburns, but don't touch my sideburns, why would you do that?
I want you to admire my sideburns but not touch them as that would be strange.

My heart yearns for my own sideburns.
I feel a deep desire for sideburns of my own.

My side actually burns now, what is that?
I am experiencing a physical burning sensation on my side, likely due to irritation or discomfort with my lack of sideburns.

What the hell man, why does my side burn?
Expressing incredulity and confusion at the burning sensation on my side.

What the hell's going on? My side burns.
Repeating my confusion and frustration about the burning sensation.

Does anybody have some aloe vera? If you do, bring it backstage, I'll pay you back.
Asking for relief from the burning sensation, offering to pay for it if someone can provide aloe vera.

1985, from the womb I came out (on my birthday)
Referencing the year of my birth and the circumstances of my arrival.

The doctor said, "What you crying about?"
Paraphrasing a common question asked to newborns upon their arrival.

I said, "Is that a rhetorical question? You know why I cried.
Humorously suggesting that the question is nonsensical and that the doctor should already know the answer.

I have a serious lack of hair on the side... of my head.
Explaining the reason for my distress as a newborn: I did not have sideburns.

Little baby people don't have sideburns.
Noting the lack of sideburns in infants.

They gotta grow them when they're older.
Observing that sideburns typically develop later in life.

But if your little baby already has sideburns, that's awesome! Don't be concerned.
Encouraging parents not to worry if their infant already has sideburns, as it is not necessarily a cause for concern.

You should nota be concernd-acerned about the little itty bitty baby with the big big sideburns.
Repeating the previous sentiment in a playful, nonsensical way.

Your little baby gonna be a pimp. Your little baby gonna be a little baby pimp.
Humorously suggesting that having sideburns at an early age could be a sign of future success in certain professions.

You should probably discourage that kind of profession, Because it's illegal.
Clarifying that the previous suggestion is not entirely serious and that illegal activity should be discouraged.

And your baby's too young to be concerned about starting a business, but that's impressive if it's got the mindset.
Acknowledging that infants are too young to have business aspirations but jokingly suggesting that it would be impressive if they did.

My sideburns look at my sideburns, back on track talkin, talkin, bout side burns!
Returning to the subject of my own sideburns and expressing excitement about discussing them further.

My sideburns look a ma' side burns.
Repeating the earlier line about my sideburns in a slightly different way.

La lay la la loo loo
Singing a nonsensical refrain.

Side bur, hur, hurrrrnns.
Continuing to repeat the phrase "sideburns" in different ways.

Sideburns.
Concluding the song by repeating the title.