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X-Madman Lyrics

In the presence of god, prepared for the future, I'm still holding onto the past though
Even though I am ready for the future and in the presence of god, I can't let go of my past.

Tryna forgive all the people that hurt me, I'm honestly still pretty mad though
I am attempting to forgive those who have hurt me, but deep down, I still hold onto anger.

I'm over you now, and I'm happy again, I still think about what we had though
Although I have moved on from our relationship and found happiness, I still reminisce about our past together.

The niggas you got with will never be me, but I hope they ain't treating you bad though
The people you are now involved with will never compare to me, but I genuinely hope they treat you well.

Them niggas a snake you, so watch who you calling yo mans, that's all that my Dad say
Those people are betraying you, so be cautious about who you consider a friend, that's what my Dad always advised me.

It's kind of like Jesus, I knew you'd betray me my nigga, but not in a bad way
Similar to Jesus, I anticipated being betrayed by you, my friend, but not in a completely negative manner.

I wish I could call and tell you I love you in case you was having a bad day
I yearn to express my love for you through a simple phone call, particularly during times when you may be feeling down.

But honestly baby I'm not even trippin, you know I can't go out the sad way
But honestly, my dear, I am not bothered by it. You know I cannot allow myself to be consumed by sadness.

Man, it feel like I'm stuck in a time loop
Man, it feels as if I am trapped in a repetitive cycle, unable to progress.

I tried to be humble and give em my all, but niggas change more than the time do
I made an effort to remain humble and offer my best, but people change much more frequently than the passing of time itself.

Some good years of love and bad years without you, I didn't even see how the time flew
We had both wonderful years of love and difficult years spent apart, and I failed to realize how time had passed so swiftly.

I said a few words and I lost you forever, it's sad cause I wasn't even trying too
I uttered a few words, and as a result, I lost you indefinitely, which is disheartening because I wasn't even making a deliberate effort to do so.

Damn, I guess I'll just roll up my own wood
Damn, I suppose I will just prepare my own joint.

Coulda been selfish and cut niggas off, but my heart was too big for my own good
I could have chosen to be self-centered and remove certain individuals from my life, but my compassionate nature prevented me from doing so in my own best interest.

Now I'm just bussin my own juggs
Now I am solely focusing on my own hustle and success.

Neiro and low up to no good
People around me are engaged in shady activities and negative behaviors.

Tellin my momma she raising a soldier, but soldiers can die in they own hood
I tell my mother that she is raising a resilient individual, but even soldiers can perish in their own neighborhood.

If you don't find love then the pain won't go
If you do not find love, the pain will persist.

Ain't no rain, then the plants can't grow
Without rainfall, plants cannot thrive and grow.

Life brings heat and it can feel so cold
Life presents challenges that can feel overwhelming and harsh.

But baby I need your help right now
But darling, I require your assistance at this very moment.

Before you hang up let ask you a question my love, you really ain't need me
Before you end the conversation, allow me to ask you a question, my love. Did you truly not need me?

Not even a text, you never looked back, was it really that easy to leave me
You did not even send a simple text, and you never glanced back. Was it genuinely that effortless for you to abandon me?

I said give me some time cause I know I can change, was it really that hard to believe me
I pleaded for some time because I believed I could change. Was it truly so difficult for you to have faith in me?

Did you know when you kissed me and told me you love me, it'd be the last time that you seen me
When you kissed me and expressed your love, did you realize it would be the final moment we'd see each other?

Was deleting the pictures just pressing a button, was vengeance as sweet as it sounded
Deleting the pictures of us, was it as effortless as pressing a button? Did seeking revenge bring the satisfaction it promised?

You wanted some peace, was it easy just leaving me be in the moment you found it
You craved peace, but was it uncomplicated for you to simply walk away from me once you obtained it?

I was tryna be strong, I ain't mean to close up, I was really emotionally drowning
I was attempting to display strength, but I did not mean to shut myself off. I was truly overwhelmed by my emotions.

But I guess you can go, I ain't holding you back, it was over the moment you found him
But I suppose you can leave now. I am not preventing you from doing so. Our relationship ended the moment you found someone else.

Had to question my mans, I know he can snake me
I had to doubt the loyalty of my friends; I am aware that they are capable of betraying me.

I can't even show him my hand
I cannot even reveal my true thoughts and intentions to him.

I be coming round family and feeling like damn, y'all don't even know who I am
When I am around my own family, I often feel a sense of despair because they do not truly understand who I have become.

I never gave up when it mattered I ain't have a plan, was just tryna prove that I can
I never gave up during crucial moments, even when I lacked a clear plan. I was simply trying to demonstrate my capability.

I always got nailed to a cross, I was feeling like damn, I'm just tryna prove who I am
I consistently face obstacles and hardships. It leaves me feeling defeated, as if I am just trying to prove my worth.

I'm learning and walking a lost road
I am in the process of learning and navigating through an uncertain path.

Paying whatever it cost though
I am willing to pay any price required to do so.

I know it's a light on the side and I just gotta find it, but I got a lost soul
I am aware that there is a guiding light lurking somewhere, and I must search for it, but currently, I feel lost and disconnected from my soul.

My mom sent a text to my phone and said we lost Jayden, but I never lost hope
My mother sent me a text informing me of the loss of Jayden. However, I never lost hope despite this devastating news.

I always went hard for the win I just couldn't learn to comeback from a loss though
I always exerted great effort to achieve success, but unfortunately, I struggled to recover and bounce back from failures.

Yeah, if you don't find love then the pain won't go
Yes, if you do not discover love, the pain will persist.

Ain't no rain, then the plants can't grow
Without rainfall, plants cannot thrive and grow.

Life brings heat and it can feel so cold
Life presents challenges that can feel overwhelming and harsh.

But baby I need your help right now
But darling, I require your assistance at this very moment.