Illusion
X-audio Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
But deep inside I knew it wouldn't last forever
One day they told me that I don't belong
And I never will 'cause I'm a nobody's daughter
When your head's held high
And your nose is up
When all at once you lose the rags of your pride
It hits you hard enough
And mama says
They are not your friends anymore
I've got the reputation for a golden child
Bathing in tough luck, as if that wasn't enough
A misinterpretation in the northern stars
Led to the wrong constellation in my heart
Causing confusion to my illusion
I tried to erase it, tried to cut it off
But I never will
It is running through my veins
I swore I'd never be as cold
But in fact I am
Cause I fluttered my eyes and then
One guy fell for me
He was the most precious thing
And I've tried my best
But I just couldn't love him
See, I plead guilty
Cause I'm still too busy
With myself for someone else's moods
I'd rather hold on to my own blues
And I´ll keep singing it
And I´ll keep singing it
And I´ll keep singing it
I've got the reputation for a golden child
Bathing in tough luck, as if that wasn't enough
A misinterpretation in the northern stars
Led to the wrong constellation in my heart
Causing confusion to my illusion
The traitors live next door
The loved ones go to war
Not even myself to adore
But then what am I living for
Blood washes ashore
Hushing up causes uproar
Not even myself to adore
But then
What am I living for
What am I living for
What am I living for
A misinterpretation in the northern stars
Led to the wrong constellation in my heart
Causing confusion to my illusion
In the song "Illusion" by X-audio, the artist reflects on a past where they lived a lavish lifestyle akin to a princess in grand halls, but internally they knew it was transient. The lyrics depict a moment of realization when they are told they don't belong and never will because they are perceived as a nobody's daughter. Despite carrying themselves with pride, the sudden loss of that facade hits them hard as they are rejected by those they considered friends, as even their mother acknowledges the cold reality. This rejection and sense of displacement underscore a theme of identity crisis and the pain of not fitting in where one longs to belong.
The artist describes themselves as having the reputation of a golden child, yet plagued by tough luck and misunderstood by the signs in the heavens. The confusion caused by misinterpreted signals leads them astray, creating a sense of disorientation within their own perceptions. They express a struggle to break free from these misconceptions and their own inherent nature, acknowledging their inability to deny their true self. The emotional turmoil is evident as they recount a failed romantic connection where they were unable to reciprocate feelings due to being preoccupied with their own inner struggles and inability to love deeply.
The lyrics delve into themes of betrayal, inner conflict, and existential questioning. The artist laments the presence of traitors nearby, the chaos of loved ones engaging in conflicts, and the lack of self-love or understanding. They question the purpose of their existence, feeling lost and adrift in a sea of internal turmoil where even their own reflection brings no solace or comfort. The repeated questioning of "What am I living for" underscores a deep sense of existential crisis and the search for meaning amid confusion and disillusionment.
The song comes full circle as it reiterates the themes of misinterpretation and confusion, using celestial imagery to symbolize the artist's inner turmoil. The misalignment of stars in their heart reflects a profound disconnection between their external facade and true self, leading to a state of illusion and emotional bewilderment. Despite the struggles and uncertainties portrayed throughout the lyrics, the artist continues to sing and express their inner turmoil, perhaps as a cathartic release or a way to navigate through the complexities of their own existence.
Line by Line Meaning
I lived like a princess in jewel halls
I experienced privilege and luxury
But deep inside I knew it wouldn't last forever
Realizing that my privileged lifestyle was temporary
One day they told me that I don't belong
Feeling out of place and rejected
And I never will 'cause I'm a nobody's daughter
Always feeling like an outsider with no strong connections
When your head's held high
Exuding confidence and arrogance
And your nose is up
Arrogantly looking down on others
When all at once you lose the rags of your pride
Suddenly experiencing a loss of pride and status
It hits you hard enough
Emotionally impacted by the sudden change
But then they turn their back on you
Being abandoned by supposed friends
And mama says
A mother's advice or guidance
They are not your friends anymore
Realizing that those who turned away were never true friends
I've got the reputation for a golden child
Known for being favored or successful
Bathing in tough luck, as if that wasn't enough
Enduring hardships despite the privileged image
A misinterpretation in the northern stars
Mistaken belief or guidance from celestial signs
Led to the wrong constellation in my heart
Resulting in misguided emotions or desires
Causing confusion to my illusion
Creating a sense of uncertainty or delusion
I tried to erase it, tried to cut it off
Attempting to remove or forget
But I never will
Realizing that it is a part of who I am
It is running through my veins
Embedded deeply within me
I swore I'd never be as cold
Promised myself not to be heartless
But in fact I am
However, I find myself acting cold
Cause I fluttered my eyes and then
Because I led someone on with my actions
One guy fell for me
Someone developed feelings for me
He was the most precious thing
He was a sincere and valuable person
And I've tried my best
Made an effort to reciprocate feelings
But I just couldn't love him
However, I couldn't return those feelings
See, I plead guilty
Admitting my fault or wrongdoing
Cause I'm still too busy
Being preoccupied with my own issues
With myself for someone else's moods
Focusing on my own emotions rather than others
I'd rather hold on to my own blues
Prefer to cling to my own sadness
And I´ll keep singing it
Continuing to express my feelings
The traitors live next door
Deceivers are close by
The loved ones go to war
Those close to me are in conflict
Not even myself to adore
Unable to find value in myself
But then what am I living for
Questioning the purpose of my existence
Blood washes ashore
Violence or sacrifice is evident
Hushing up causes uproar
Suppressing the truth leads to chaos
What am I living for
Repeating the search for meaning
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid
Written by: Anna Rott
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
Casey Connor
BINAURAL BEATS: First, note that some people (not most) don't hear the binaural beats at all, or do hear them at the higher frequencies, and AFAIK (I'm not a doctor) that's just part of normal human variation and doesn't mean you're about to die or that there's anything wrong with you. Lots of people have commented here with experiences all over the map. (Also some of that is no doubt due to playback issues -- see below.)
Understand that "beats" are not the same as binaural beats. E.g. what you use to tune a guitar is just "beats". The "binaural" part only happens when the two tones are presented separately to each ear. If you hear the beats through your speakers, that doesn't mean the demo worked on your speakers -- it just means that you heard regular beats. You need to listen on headphones or earbuds to try that demo.
There have been a lot of comments about the binaural beats working or not working when they should or shouldn't -- one issue seems to be that on some systems (not sure if it's some versions of the video that youtube serves, or an operating system configuration thing, or an audio playback system thing, or a headphone thing) the left and right channels are "polluting" each other. In the actual audio there is only a single tone in each ear at 2:20. If you take out an earbud (and if you're sure you can't hear the earbud you took out through the air at all), you should definitely hear no beating at 2:20.
You can test your system by taking one earbud out and playing from 2:12: when the audio plays one channel and then the other, you should hear total silence in the single earbud for one of those tones. If you hear even a little bit bleeding through, it means your system is not separating the channels properly (and in fact this may explain a lot of the cases where other illusions in this series don't work!) Even my Focusrite Scarlett 18i8, a dedicated prosumer audio interface, has bleed between the headphone channels (but not the speaker channels). I wish I knew this was so common before making these videos. :-) Try finding a playback system that isolates the left/right signals perfectly at 2:12, and then watch the videos again.
I'd also appreciate reports under this comment about whether your system does or doesn't perfectly isolate the left/right channels on your headphones.
Similarly, the McGurk effect depends on accurate audio/video synchronization, and A/V synchronization (on basically every system and operating system and device outside of an acoustics lab) is a total disaster. Also wish I knew that ahead of time. :-)
TEJR
about that last part ... as a kid I was learning how to play a piano and I really often told my teacher I heard this weird almost like a "white noise" sound in my ears at all times.
There has not been a single moment I've not hear that for my entire life...
She told me it's just from the loud sounds that piano makes, but I tried to explain I hear it all the time.
When I'm outside, at school, in bed, all the time.
I then talked about it with my mom and she took my to a doctor that inserted numerous things into my ears and they played various tones.
From really low freq. to really high and ear tearing ones.
I remember sitting in front of a monitor and since I was a kid, the doctor told me we are gonna play "catch the mole" since the little spectrum of the sounds on the monitor made little hills like a mole does on your garden.
The point was just to entertain me so I always looked at the monitor and told the nearest number to the center of the little hill.
I remember I went there couple of times and the last time I was there he inserted these little things into my ears, played the tone and ...
The "white noise" was gone.
He then turned it off and just looked at me, I could hear it again and then he talked with my mom for about 20 minutes while I was there sitting confused, how come did I not hear the noise for the first time?
I don't remember WHAT EXACTLY then they told me, it's been so many years and mainly I don't really know how to translate diseases into english from my language so I'd have to look that up too... BUT!
I stayed with music and kept playing the piano for several years, then high school came up I started playing drums and my friend invited me to a practice where he learns to play drums.
They had this "anti-noise" booth for playing any kinds of instruments and it was the quietest place I've ever been to, apart from that white noise.
Everyone who went in there with me, told me they hear literally NOTHING.
So I just threw around "Not even the white noise in your ears?"
And everyone threw me a weird look like what am I talkin' about?
Years later I got to know it's pretty normal that people hear this kind of a white noise in their ears, but in my case my ears have another weird thing going on, where additional to that white noise I still hear that one frequency at all times.
For example if I'd try and fall asleep without NO SOUND in the background?
I just can't do that :^)
If you put me in a bed and there is no sound around me I won't fall asleep until I'm really really tired ...
Over the years I've learned to listen to whatever I can on my phone.
I put one earbud into my ear, play someting on my phone really really low and I fall asleep like a little baby, but if by any chance I have to sleep somewhere where I can't do that or there is nothing to listen to, I ain't sleepin'.
It's been a real problem for me over the years, almost my whole high school there wasn't like single day I came to school rested, when I started to work my first work was really shitty one and I was there for 4 months, every single shift I had I was sooo tired until my boss thought I'm doing drugs and fired me.
Then I took a job at a hotel as a receptionist and it was the same story, so tired through out the day and I got weird looks from people I worked with, BUT then my boss came to me and asked me if I could do a whole month of night shifts since the girl that was doing night shifts was scared because some drunken asshole came to the hotel and ... well she was just scared to do them anymore.
So I agreed and it was perfect ... whenever I came from a night shift I was so god damn tired I always fell into my bed onto my face and passed out.
I worked there for 3 years and never had a day shift ever again... then I changed my work where I'm now for 2 years and I'm doing night shifts only ... I'm actually "working" right now while I watched the video and wrote this whole essay.
So yeah, my ear hears this one frequency at all times (or produces it I still don't really know) so I don't know what DEAD SILENCE is like...The one time I heard absolute nothing was at the doctor when I was like 6?
Well, I don't even know why I wrote this, have a wonderful day and thanks for reading my stoopid story I suppose :^)
Casey Connor
BINAURAL BEATS: First, note that some people (not most) don't hear the binaural beats at all, or do hear them at the higher frequencies, and AFAIK (I'm not a doctor) that's just part of normal human variation and doesn't mean you're about to die or that there's anything wrong with you. Lots of people have commented here with experiences all over the map. (Also some of that is no doubt due to playback issues -- see below.)
Understand that "beats" are not the same as binaural beats. E.g. what you use to tune a guitar is just "beats". The "binaural" part only happens when the two tones are presented separately to each ear. If you hear the beats through your speakers, that doesn't mean the demo worked on your speakers -- it just means that you heard regular beats. You need to listen on headphones or earbuds to try that demo.
There have been a lot of comments about the binaural beats working or not working when they should or shouldn't -- one issue seems to be that on some systems (not sure if it's some versions of the video that youtube serves, or an operating system configuration thing, or an audio playback system thing, or a headphone thing) the left and right channels are "polluting" each other. In the actual audio there is only a single tone in each ear at 2:20. If you take out an earbud (and if you're sure you can't hear the earbud you took out through the air at all), you should definitely hear no beating at 2:20.
You can test your system by taking one earbud out and playing from 2:12: when the audio plays one channel and then the other, you should hear total silence in the single earbud for one of those tones. If you hear even a little bit bleeding through, it means your system is not separating the channels properly (and in fact this may explain a lot of the cases where other illusions in this series don't work!) Even my Focusrite Scarlett 18i8, a dedicated prosumer audio interface, has bleed between the headphone channels (but not the speaker channels). I wish I knew this was so common before making these videos. :-) Try finding a playback system that isolates the left/right signals perfectly at 2:12, and then watch the videos again.
I'd also appreciate reports under this comment about whether your system does or doesn't perfectly isolate the left/right channels on your headphones.
Similarly, the McGurk effect depends on accurate audio/video synchronization, and A/V synchronization (on basically every system and operating system and device outside of an acoustics lab) is a total disaster. Also wish I knew that ahead of time. :-)
Joseph O.
Should have read this before dropping my long comment 😅😂... There is a bleed, a very tiny one!
AngelsDontFall
Have you ever stacked binaural
It creates now tones and cancels out others.
I think there’s a Synchronicity with binaurals
Gaming 4 Fun
I'm sure you have all the data you'd ever want on this by now but I thought I'd drop my experience as well.
I figured something was wrong when I heard the beating with one sound in each ear at the higher frequency and sure enough the issue was in my headphone settings that are using spatial sound. I'm using JBL Quantum One that has 360 degrees spatial sound (it reacts to me turning my head). Interestingly I could still hear a very faint beating at the higher frequencies after turning spatial sound off and checking that I could only hear one of the sounds in each ear, but nothing compared to when they were both playing in both ears.
I would guess that many, like me, found this after checking youtube for sound settings or such after getting new headphones and many of us having some sort of surround sound or a virtual version of it going on.
Fred Herfst
@Benny benny ..yep..I mixed for years and discovered the 5 or 6 ms beyond which the delay becomes audible. I used that trick to create some very nice apparent bouncing between the ears while there was no discernible pitch change. Even used it on cymbals.
Jack Barnhart
I hear the high ones
Signals Music Studio
This series is an INCREDIBLE resource for any serious musician or producer. Can't find this sort of info any where else compiled into such clear examples. Pure gold, excellent work, and thank you!
spiros yeros
@Sal O'Mahoney it's really cool how everyone has slight variations just reinforces that we all experience different versions of reality being our own realities
Sal O'Mahoney
@Divergent Droid you can play lots of instruments and still not be a serious musician. If you've ever studied music, you could give the explanations to at least half of these things before they are given. It demonstrates quite nicely how our brain fills in the gaps in the harmonic series when one or two overtones are omitted from the series, for example. It also gives some good ideas for writing music that gives the illusion of speeding up/slowing down - or pitch rising/falling - and being able to keep on going (in the pitch example, getting too high or low will just become inaudible). I knew the explanation behind the barber pole one before it was said, but purely because I heard it and was like "oh, this thing must be happening" and I was right. Now I know how to make that effect myself easy peasy.
(Edit to add: the beating effect of a binaural beat is also very useful for tuning your instrument or tuning your individual notes perfectly, for example on a non-fretted instrument; cello, violin, trombone, flute etc)
If you can't think of any benefit this is giving your musicianship, you probably have very, very poor musicianship (in the grand scheme of things; comparing against professionals with high qualifications), and therefore are not a serious musician ("serious" in the sense that it was intended in the original comment)
Sal O'Mahoney
@spiros yeros I heard a less clear beating or pulsing. It was more of a "breathing" effect I got, much more subtle